May be it's the adrenaline, or may be it's the urge that left me with a sleepless night yesterday. I just couldn't stop watching the TV and DVDs...
And this morning I was up, and right here I am writing this to the addition of the 3rd post for my Pride or prejudice label. It was about an incident happened about a week ago...quite funny.
"Hey, you going to the gym next week?" as I was talking to my Canadian friend and wanted to meet him after his workout.
"Yea sure, wanna meet for lunch?" he asked and I agreed to meet him up at the usual place, the gym lounge.
The day came and it was an early day for me and I also got off from work early, so I figured may be I could use one of the cafes there to go online, so I left my work place and headed to the meeting place.
I arrived an hour and a half early, but I totally changed my mind about having online at the cafe, so I took a stroll around the area, not many people at the hour, it just felt loose...
I walked pass the food court then I was standing in front of a tanning studio, staring at the monitor that previews all the almost-naked guys covered in towel and showing their tan, they looked happy, some even looked seductive, others might get that the shop's a house of whore or something.
Then I turned and there was a young woman (about my age I think) standing right in front of me, I looked at her at first, she smiled but I felt like she's grinning, and I realised I was blushing, I guessed she noticed me watching those slides at the monitor so I walked away, but she's still standing there.
I went into some comic stores and made it back to the tanning studio except I wasn't staring at the screen anymore, I took a seat at a nearby bench, and the young woman was sitting beside me. I didn't stand and walk this time, but I took out my Reader's Digest and continue from where I left...I was ignoring her, but I felt her eyes sort of, staring at me, intensely I guessed, caused I felt uneasy, irritated. And I knew she was smiling or grinning again, I didn't dare to lift my head up.
Eventually I didn't like the approach, so I put my book together and faced her, looked her into the eyes, and she put up a big smile almost a sincere one, then there's awkwardness in the air, surprised when she started to talk, I almost made up my mind to communicate with her using Sign Language.
"Hi...errr ar...are you waiting for someone?" she blurted.
"Uh huh, yea I am waiting for a friend" I replied.
"Oh, is your friend working here?" she asked and pointing at the gym center.
"Not really, he err...he is having his workout, yea at the gym" I replied politely.
"Ah ok" she noted and walked away without saying anything else. Just like that.
There's a lot went through my mind after that, did I made her leave by saying something wrong? Was it that I mentioned 'he' instead of 'she'? Or she failed to sell me something, may be a membership to the gym or some products, but obviously she's not carrying anything except a small handbag. I just didn't know what else to think off!
Honestly, how would she react when I said I was waiting for my boyfriend or my husband instead? Will that be more appropriate ya know, telling the truth or what? I bet she would probably did the same thing, stood and walked away, may be walk a bit faster this time.
And that's not the end, not the same story or the continuation, I was about to log off planetromeo yesterday when an 'exotic' guy from the 'exotic' land text me...
Mr. E: "Hi, you look cute, wanna have hot and wild sex with me?" came with several of his profile pictures, he didn't look half bad but...
Me: "Err, hello. Yea sure." eagerly waiting for his reply.
Mr. E: "Ok great here's my number 01x-xxxxxxx text me tomorrow, I am going to bed now"
Me: "Oh thanks and here's mine..."
He's like rushing somewhere, I know he's going to bed but at least we could chat a little longer...it's like he paged me in the hospital, "...on call room now!" or something like that...
Nevertheless, I did text him the first thing in the morning...
Me: "Hi...what time can we meet up and where do you live?"
Mr. E: "Morning Joe, what time you want me to meet you? Where to meet? My charges are RM150 please..."
Me: "You charge? What?! I didn't hire you, if it's free then you're welcome anytime!"
Mr. E: no reply....
After coming out from the shower, I text him again...
Me: "...be glad that I am not making a report about this, and if you would have come freely, I'm sure we would have hell of a great time..."
Mr. E: "...so sorry dude, my charges are fixed at RM150..."
Arghh what is wrong with you?! I created an account at planetromeo.com, a friendly gay community website not eBay!
I guessed pride really comes with a price huh? Don't you think?
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Life's a movie
I am still figuring out why I stopped writing a year ago, and suddenly I am writing again now. Nope, not about the nightmares, I don't have a stalker, I wasn't possessed or something, I just stopped...
Well, one thing I could be sure about writing again is to improve my writing skills which would enhance my interpreting and translating skills and technics in one way or another, all these which I mentioned at the beginning of my entry.
One year is a long time, for some people, many things could be accomplished in a year's time, well, for me, a year passed in a blink. What I accomplished? Whatever...
Just a brief walkthru of Jonah 2009 June to 2010 June...
June 2009 - began to feel bored of my job...
July 2009 - left McDonald's for a flexible job (Freelance Interpreter)
August 2009 - ended my long-distance relationship and coping (it was not exposed here >.<)
Sept 2009 - began adapting my flexible work time (the new job)
Oct 2009 - found a part time job at a music shop (long break from the interpreting job, oct-feb)
Nov 2009 - working like a dog in that shop...
Dec 2009 - moved up a few floors...literally
Jan 2010 - current - working, playing and most of the time men hunting...to be honest...
I guess I am desperately looking out, may be I am being naive or pathetic, asking is there still a soul who believes in fairy tales, happily-ever-after? It beats me, but I would like to keep that thought to myself, one thing I am reminded of that is, like my friend told me, he wouldn't believe a ghost until he sees a ghost, who knows, he might never see a real ghost till he went to his grave, right?
May be it's a lousy metaphor, you can't compare a ghost to love, most of the time we hear stories from people who's been in relationships, good or bad, or may be we see it with our eyes, during our best friend's wedding or photos.
Yesterday in the car, my mentor asked me a question, 'why did you broke up?'
I stuttered...my answer was obviously unclear, I hesitated, why did I?
I am not holding it, I already let go, I moved on, in fact my life is forwarding like every time you watch porns, you press forward to skip the boring parts, you get to the exciting parts, the main course.
I skipped a lot of boring parts...wondered if my life would become like a movie, you just watch the good parts, and trash the unwanted scenes, but in the other hand I might not be good at keeping it up, sooner or later.
However, I could not deny that the unwanted scenes or behind the scene parts are all that made up the good parts, there's no way I would've trash them, it's vital like the connecting veins in your body that make every organ functions, if you want to continue living.
So are you skipping the boring parts of your life? You need to watch the making of your life, sometime, to reassure...
Well, one thing I could be sure about writing again is to improve my writing skills which would enhance my interpreting and translating skills and technics in one way or another, all these which I mentioned at the beginning of my entry.
One year is a long time, for some people, many things could be accomplished in a year's time, well, for me, a year passed in a blink. What I accomplished? Whatever...
Just a brief walkthru of Jonah 2009 June to 2010 June...
June 2009 - began to feel bored of my job...
July 2009 - left McDonald's for a flexible job (Freelance Interpreter)
August 2009 - ended my long-distance relationship and coping (it was not exposed here >.<)
Sept 2009 - began adapting my flexible work time (the new job)
Oct 2009 - found a part time job at a music shop (long break from the interpreting job, oct-feb)
Nov 2009 - working like a dog in that shop...
Dec 2009 - moved up a few floors...literally
Jan 2010 - current - working, playing and most of the time men hunting...to be honest...
I guess I am desperately looking out, may be I am being naive or pathetic, asking is there still a soul who believes in fairy tales, happily-ever-after? It beats me, but I would like to keep that thought to myself, one thing I am reminded of that is, like my friend told me, he wouldn't believe a ghost until he sees a ghost, who knows, he might never see a real ghost till he went to his grave, right?
May be it's a lousy metaphor, you can't compare a ghost to love, most of the time we hear stories from people who's been in relationships, good or bad, or may be we see it with our eyes, during our best friend's wedding or photos.
Yesterday in the car, my mentor asked me a question, 'why did you broke up?'
I stuttered...my answer was obviously unclear, I hesitated, why did I?
I am not holding it, I already let go, I moved on, in fact my life is forwarding like every time you watch porns, you press forward to skip the boring parts, you get to the exciting parts, the main course.
I skipped a lot of boring parts...wondered if my life would become like a movie, you just watch the good parts, and trash the unwanted scenes, but in the other hand I might not be good at keeping it up, sooner or later.
However, I could not deny that the unwanted scenes or behind the scene parts are all that made up the good parts, there's no way I would've trash them, it's vital like the connecting veins in your body that make every organ functions, if you want to continue living.
So are you skipping the boring parts of your life? You need to watch the making of your life, sometime, to reassure...
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Apple, Anyone?
Have been god damn busy this month which I don't even realise we are now in July! As usual I have to do claims, scheduling, contact schools and so on...
Well, I never let business and job take over my leisure time ya know, still have to play hard when I am working hard.
Recently my friend from Singapore came back to his hometown for a week long holiday, to meet families, friends and sisters, that's me and the gang. So, he brought back his Limited Edition iPod Classic 160GB as I reminded him before, he promised me that he will pass it to me with the condition after he got his iPod iTouch 32GB, but that was like 3 months ago, and I was begging him to bring it with him. So he did...reluctantly.
Anyway, I was delighted that he didn't remove all his songs and videos, it would be a hassle for me to upload and arrange them again, and that means I need a long time to do that, moreover our taste to music is relevantly similar.
After all that, that gadget's gonna keep me busy for a couple of months and I also bought a leather protector for it...costs me RM 80 hmmphh, next I would look for a mini pouch-like over the waist or could attach to my arm bag to keep my iPod running while I run! ^^
Well guys, that's not all, I am now aiming for iPod iTouch pulaks, my company is running a writing contest with fabulous prizes, guess what, 5 iPod iTouch for grabs (though it's only 8GB, anyway it cost RM900+ per unit, so worth the effort) and 10 or more iPod Nanos for consolations. Strictly for employees only.
One of the reason why I have been busy too and previously I missed the last time they did a different contest which they gave away 5 iPhone!!! GODDAMN iPhone! On top of that, talk time / air time worth RM 450 included...sigh and I was not allowed as I am one of the employees...bleh, but I'mma not gonna let this happen again.
Oh iPods, iTouch, iPhone, come to mama...so what, call me freako or mama Apple.
Well, I never let business and job take over my leisure time ya know, still have to play hard when I am working hard.
Recently my friend from Singapore came back to his hometown for a week long holiday, to meet families, friends and sisters, that's me and the gang. So, he brought back his Limited Edition iPod Classic 160GB as I reminded him before, he promised me that he will pass it to me with the condition after he got his iPod iTouch 32GB, but that was like 3 months ago, and I was begging him to bring it with him. So he did...reluctantly.
Anyway, I was delighted that he didn't remove all his songs and videos, it would be a hassle for me to upload and arrange them again, and that means I need a long time to do that, moreover our taste to music is relevantly similar.
After all that, that gadget's gonna keep me busy for a couple of months and I also bought a leather protector for it...costs me RM 80 hmmphh, next I would look for a mini pouch-like over the waist or could attach to my arm bag to keep my iPod running while I run! ^^
Well guys, that's not all, I am now aiming for iPod iTouch pulaks, my company is running a writing contest with fabulous prizes, guess what, 5 iPod iTouch for grabs (though it's only 8GB, anyway it cost RM900+ per unit, so worth the effort) and 10 or more iPod Nanos for consolations. Strictly for employees only.
One of the reason why I have been busy too and previously I missed the last time they did a different contest which they gave away 5 iPhone!!! GODDAMN iPhone! On top of that, talk time / air time worth RM 450 included...sigh and I was not allowed as I am one of the employees...bleh, but I'mma not gonna let this happen again.
Oh iPods, iTouch, iPhone, come to mama...so what, call me freako or mama Apple.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Suggestion Needed
Everything around me and lives beside me are ever changing, no matter how remote they are to me in terms of time, space, relationship and level, I felt remorse and regretted, fully just because I was seemed so far away from them.
I was used to these kind of working environment, ever changing, ever moving, and at such time I was at the best of my work, at least not now.
The MD was offered a position in China, while he sent someone here from Canada, a lady, she looks nice and friendly, and news about some lateral movements involved, some got promoted, many resigned, monthly promos and etc.
I am the only one that was standing still in the middle, paused.
My boss, recently just lost her elder brother, he suffered from the cardiac arrest and didn't come back, just like...MJ.
By hearing the news, I too felt the loss, in my heart it was more than empty, and the urge of filling it back again, therefore I am seeking new hobby, to kill time, to get input, to fulfil and whatever that makes me feel better and happy again. I am not sure what is that hobby yet, so at the meantime I'll just stick to my PS2, games, HK series, anime and reading. Oh any happy book suggestion? All I have are horrors and sad stories, or haunted. I need something to cheer me up.
You could say I'm pretty pre-occupied with all the activities I'm having above, but it doesn't really cheer me up, 'cos I am doing that all the time, although the HK series made me laugh awhile. Maybe I am not that monotonous, as I thought I'd be, and yes may be I am but at dire times like this, I reacted differently and wanting new taste to bring back my 'old-self'.
So, any suggestion?
I was used to these kind of working environment, ever changing, ever moving, and at such time I was at the best of my work, at least not now.
The MD was offered a position in China, while he sent someone here from Canada, a lady, she looks nice and friendly, and news about some lateral movements involved, some got promoted, many resigned, monthly promos and etc.
I am the only one that was standing still in the middle, paused.
My boss, recently just lost her elder brother, he suffered from the cardiac arrest and didn't come back, just like...MJ.
By hearing the news, I too felt the loss, in my heart it was more than empty, and the urge of filling it back again, therefore I am seeking new hobby, to kill time, to get input, to fulfil and whatever that makes me feel better and happy again. I am not sure what is that hobby yet, so at the meantime I'll just stick to my PS2, games, HK series, anime and reading. Oh any happy book suggestion? All I have are horrors and sad stories, or haunted. I need something to cheer me up.
You could say I'm pretty pre-occupied with all the activities I'm having above, but it doesn't really cheer me up, 'cos I am doing that all the time, although the HK series made me laugh awhile. Maybe I am not that monotonous, as I thought I'd be, and yes may be I am but at dire times like this, I reacted differently and wanting new taste to bring back my 'old-self'.
So, any suggestion?
Monday, June 15, 2009
Disappearance
Sometimes somewhere in life, you just wanted to disappear, you wish to end your life now and then to start anew, hoping for the better in the new life. It's like you feel unfinished, undone, to end that you'd just choose to disappear.
I really experienced that, may be because I didn't know what to do anymore to my life, I was having difficulties making the next step, I felt empty and incomplete, like I was drowning though I could swim to the shore, I just didn't do it. I waited. Almost letting it go.
As a child who grew up in a orphanage home, things did not looked up as you would like it to, as in you're looking for hope or motivation, in fact hope, had to come from within yourself, you have to create hope for yourself, you have to look shiny and bright not only bring hope to yourself but to others as well.
I remembered my childhood ambition was to be a surgeon, brain surgeon, it's just a childhood dream, inspired by the TV series - E.R. but what makes me today clearly isn't any closer to brain surgeon, I discovered other potentials on the way. However, I always have the same intention for all my career, to help people, like a brain surgeon.
I'm not a person who is capable of diverting stress or problems into work, I've seen people work like no tomorrow just to get rid of the after-breakup, family problems and so on in order to move on. But I am not, I have to deal with it, solve it and then I am ready to move on, I know some problems might have to wait, a matter of time, and I couldn't cope at times.
It's ironic to see myself in the eyes of others that I am an independent person huh, I can't even manage my own stress, but nevertheless, I live. I realised the importance of my life doesn't make any sense to whosoever, but to myself alone, and there I thought I did, but then again, I never know, cause there is no one that comes to me and say 'Joe, I need you in my life or you are important to me' I just have to make hope to myself, giving me a reason to live, again and find the importance of life.
I really experienced that, may be because I didn't know what to do anymore to my life, I was having difficulties making the next step, I felt empty and incomplete, like I was drowning though I could swim to the shore, I just didn't do it. I waited. Almost letting it go.
As a child who grew up in a orphanage home, things did not looked up as you would like it to, as in you're looking for hope or motivation, in fact hope, had to come from within yourself, you have to create hope for yourself, you have to look shiny and bright not only bring hope to yourself but to others as well.
I remembered my childhood ambition was to be a surgeon, brain surgeon, it's just a childhood dream, inspired by the TV series - E.R. but what makes me today clearly isn't any closer to brain surgeon, I discovered other potentials on the way. However, I always have the same intention for all my career, to help people, like a brain surgeon.
I'm not a person who is capable of diverting stress or problems into work, I've seen people work like no tomorrow just to get rid of the after-breakup, family problems and so on in order to move on. But I am not, I have to deal with it, solve it and then I am ready to move on, I know some problems might have to wait, a matter of time, and I couldn't cope at times.
It's ironic to see myself in the eyes of others that I am an independent person huh, I can't even manage my own stress, but nevertheless, I live. I realised the importance of my life doesn't make any sense to whosoever, but to myself alone, and there I thought I did, but then again, I never know, cause there is no one that comes to me and say 'Joe, I need you in my life or you are important to me' I just have to make hope to myself, giving me a reason to live, again and find the importance of life.
Friday, June 12, 2009
The Dauntless Heart It Shall Be
I will make myself pop instead, this will be the new me, no more day dreaming and no more talking to myself.
You would be thinking what medicine did I take to recover that fast and effective?
Well, one thing, life's suck and life's tough, deal with it and move on, I need to live and eat to keep myself alive to see the world being consumed day by day and consequently as I've come to my senses that, I'm older each day.
The other thing is, thanks to Meredith Grey and the other interns, I am now stuck with them every night, racing episodes each night, just finished Season 2, moving into Season 3 tonight.
The point is, I always find something to read or watch to overcome my 'sickness', be it a lousy book or draggy series, I just watch and absorb, and I process it and digest it down, it helps and it may not help.
Now don't start with the stories, I know for sure you guys had already watch Grey's Anatomy long ago, for me it's just the beginning, and yes it makes me cry and laugh unstoppable in front of the TV and made me looked like an idiot, if my housemate was around.
And what makes me better is, each episode taught me something, be it teaching me to be bold, be courageous, be sensitive, be positive or be spontaneous, I came to realise of what was wrong in my life and work. So what life's an ass or reality rules, I chose to move on.
You would be thinking what medicine did I take to recover that fast and effective?
Well, one thing, life's suck and life's tough, deal with it and move on, I need to live and eat to keep myself alive to see the world being consumed day by day and consequently as I've come to my senses that, I'm older each day.
The other thing is, thanks to Meredith Grey and the other interns, I am now stuck with them every night, racing episodes each night, just finished Season 2, moving into Season 3 tonight.
The point is, I always find something to read or watch to overcome my 'sickness', be it a lousy book or draggy series, I just watch and absorb, and I process it and digest it down, it helps and it may not help.
Now don't start with the stories, I know for sure you guys had already watch Grey's Anatomy long ago, for me it's just the beginning, and yes it makes me cry and laugh unstoppable in front of the TV and made me looked like an idiot, if my housemate was around.
And what makes me better is, each episode taught me something, be it teaching me to be bold, be courageous, be sensitive, be positive or be spontaneous, I came to realise of what was wrong in my life and work. So what life's an ass or reality rules, I chose to move on.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
No Pain No Gain!
It was my belated birthday treat from my sister / colleague a.k.a Bountiful Bel, She treated me to a free massage session at the True Spa at Jaya 33 yesterday, it was a pain enduring training session for me, and it was my first, I've never try massage, not even a foot massage. Not that I'm a coward or have foot sore but I just don't fancy, but I like to give massage with a little knowledge of a few kind...but not Shiatsu.
I was not paying any attention to my sis when she was talking to me while booking the retreat for both of us:
Bel: Hey brader, I book massage har, *then continue talking softly to the receptionist in the phone 'ah yes, Shiatsu for him please...'
Me: Huh? You called me sis? A what?! Shiatsu! Oh...Ok, if that's what I am getting as my birthday present...
I have zero knowledge and info about Shiatsu Massage, all I know was it is for people with low sex drive life or their sex life has 'died', no more 'spark'. Don't ask me, I don't even know where I read that or may be I watched it on tele. Lol.
Thai Masseuse: Mister, please take off clothes but leave only underwear, only 1, underwear don't take...
Me: *ok...I would probably know even you didn't tell me, although I have not done Shiatsu...
I could not express more, in words about the pain I went through, gawd, I thought it was suppose to feel like a great sex, no?
I tell you, don't judge the book by its cover, the tiny and short Thai Masseuse is not for play, once I got myself 'almost' naked and lied down as to be ready to receive the treatment, she placed some towels on my back and lower.
'Hiyaa' she jumped on my back and start pulling my muscles and pressing on my back...
Well, she's short but she's not Lucy Liu in Charlie Angels, she was gentle at first, by starting off with her palms pressing gently from my foot, leg and then up to my spine and neck and then she started to apply more pressure, the more the pressure the louder I gasped and almost sounded like I was mourning, I was going through the extreme pain.
When she started to change position and re-locate my legs so they are wider for her to climb on me, I was starting to have 'uneasy' feelings, I made cranky sounds and I farted when she was on top of me...opps 'I'm sorry' and she laughed a bit.
At certain points on my spine where she used her elbows to apply pressure, and not only that, she also rubbing it at the same time, making it a burning sensation, I could feel the exact point was smoldering and dissolving entirely but slowly, spreading. It's like you drop a soluble aspirin into a glass of water. I screamed with my mouth opened widely enough to take in the whole chicken thigh, with my face down but no voice from my throat knowing that Bountiful Bel who's having deep skin massage next to me, would be shocked or become traumatic of what happened to me, and with that I decided I would endure the whole session with silence and deal with it. However, I know it's was meant to do good for my health.
Well, it was a great massage, indeed, like having a great sex, a little better than the one you had after a long break. I slept like a baby next to Bel while she did her reading at my home.
Before this, I was suffering from some sort of depression or I-don't-know-what-it's-called sickness, where and when you don't know what you were / are doing in your life period, I have that once in awhile, I lost focus on work / relationship / life / routine. That happened when my mother came back from The States. You tell me, I should be happy, right? Supposedly.
I didn't know what to do, I don't know what my job scopes are anymore, my schedule was a mess, workloads piling, agendas screwed up, I can't handle situations. I just....just stare into the emptiness, blank, like I was sucked into the black hole, my entire life.
I know it had nothing to do with my mother returning for the hols, or she got her green card, I just can't find the source, I went nuts, I stared at ceilings for hours, at times I thought I had mental disorder, and I would be thinking about the many-things in life, I almost lost myself.
My performance began to slide from the month of May and just about last week, I began to pick up again, had a meeting with boss and Ronald, of 'cos get serious attention, suggestions, and warnings. It seriously affected my review next month.
May be it was habit, may be it wasn't, I do not need to be pushed everytime I got stuck or I am afraid to move, I get up, take a deep breath and charge forward, using different approaches. I should be that.
Memories flashing backwards, episodes of life repeating in my head, my mother would ask me again and again, would I go back to the normal life? What!? I am not normal? We can't be normal for who we are? No! I get to choose how I want to live...
Bel: You are among the few of my friends that show different-ness, you came out of the closet but you still practise closet, what for? Your mom knows and you should make it a point, be famous, be fabulous and proof what you're doing is successful and you'll never regret it, Joe. Look at your shelves, not one happy ending or funny novel, you should get a laugh-out-loud story, it's essential in your life, I want to see you smile and hear you laugh again, Joe.
Me: ...and I shall do that, for me and, for us.
I was not paying any attention to my sis when she was talking to me while booking the retreat for both of us:
Bel: Hey brader, I book massage har, *then continue talking softly to the receptionist in the phone 'ah yes, Shiatsu for him please...'
Me: Huh? You called me sis? A what?! Shiatsu! Oh...Ok, if that's what I am getting as my birthday present...
I have zero knowledge and info about Shiatsu Massage, all I know was it is for people with low sex drive life or their sex life has 'died', no more 'spark'. Don't ask me, I don't even know where I read that or may be I watched it on tele. Lol.
Thai Masseuse: Mister, please take off clothes but leave only underwear, only 1, underwear don't take...
Me: *ok...I would probably know even you didn't tell me, although I have not done Shiatsu...
I could not express more, in words about the pain I went through, gawd, I thought it was suppose to feel like a great sex, no?
I tell you, don't judge the book by its cover, the tiny and short Thai Masseuse is not for play, once I got myself 'almost' naked and lied down as to be ready to receive the treatment, she placed some towels on my back and lower.
'Hiyaa' she jumped on my back and start pulling my muscles and pressing on my back...
Well, she's short but she's not Lucy Liu in Charlie Angels, she was gentle at first, by starting off with her palms pressing gently from my foot, leg and then up to my spine and neck and then she started to apply more pressure, the more the pressure the louder I gasped and almost sounded like I was mourning, I was going through the extreme pain.
When she started to change position and re-locate my legs so they are wider for her to climb on me, I was starting to have 'uneasy' feelings, I made cranky sounds and I farted when she was on top of me...opps 'I'm sorry' and she laughed a bit.
At certain points on my spine where she used her elbows to apply pressure, and not only that, she also rubbing it at the same time, making it a burning sensation, I could feel the exact point was smoldering and dissolving entirely but slowly, spreading. It's like you drop a soluble aspirin into a glass of water. I screamed with my mouth opened widely enough to take in the whole chicken thigh, with my face down but no voice from my throat knowing that Bountiful Bel who's having deep skin massage next to me, would be shocked or become traumatic of what happened to me, and with that I decided I would endure the whole session with silence and deal with it. However, I know it's was meant to do good for my health.
Well, it was a great massage, indeed, like having a great sex, a little better than the one you had after a long break. I slept like a baby next to Bel while she did her reading at my home.
Before this, I was suffering from some sort of depression or I-don't-know-what-it's-called sickness, where and when you don't know what you were / are doing in your life period, I have that once in awhile, I lost focus on work / relationship / life / routine. That happened when my mother came back from The States. You tell me, I should be happy, right? Supposedly.
I didn't know what to do, I don't know what my job scopes are anymore, my schedule was a mess, workloads piling, agendas screwed up, I can't handle situations. I just....just stare into the emptiness, blank, like I was sucked into the black hole, my entire life.
I know it had nothing to do with my mother returning for the hols, or she got her green card, I just can't find the source, I went nuts, I stared at ceilings for hours, at times I thought I had mental disorder, and I would be thinking about the many-things in life, I almost lost myself.
My performance began to slide from the month of May and just about last week, I began to pick up again, had a meeting with boss and Ronald, of 'cos get serious attention, suggestions, and warnings. It seriously affected my review next month.
May be it was habit, may be it wasn't, I do not need to be pushed everytime I got stuck or I am afraid to move, I get up, take a deep breath and charge forward, using different approaches. I should be that.
Memories flashing backwards, episodes of life repeating in my head, my mother would ask me again and again, would I go back to the normal life? What!? I am not normal? We can't be normal for who we are? No! I get to choose how I want to live...
Bel: You are among the few of my friends that show different-ness, you came out of the closet but you still practise closet, what for? Your mom knows and you should make it a point, be famous, be fabulous and proof what you're doing is successful and you'll never regret it, Joe. Look at your shelves, not one happy ending or funny novel, you should get a laugh-out-loud story, it's essential in your life, I want to see you smile and hear you laugh again, Joe.
Me: ...and I shall do that, for me and, for us.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
A Cook Blog
Basically the reason of creating the new blog, which probably will come with the name 'fein-kuchyne.blogspot.com' which means 'fine cuisine' has to do with the interest of my godmom, her son and myself, we love cooking, baking and make up new recipes. So the decision was set and we are in the midst of creating a new header and of cause start posting!
It will be mostly about cooking and new recipes, but I will also share some of my own experiences about restaurants that serve fantastic foods or drinks.
So look out for the news update here about when is the blog ready for viewing and please log on to fein-kuchyne.blogspot.com for who knows you might need to cook a lovely meal for your love someday! Ciao~
It will be mostly about cooking and new recipes, but I will also share some of my own experiences about restaurants that serve fantastic foods or drinks.
So look out for the news update here about when is the blog ready for viewing and please log on to fein-kuchyne.blogspot.com for who knows you might need to cook a lovely meal for your love someday! Ciao~
Monday, May 25, 2009
My First Company Getaway...
...yes, after so many deferral we got to enjoy the fruits of our harvest, last years hard works finally paid off, although it came a bit late, by the time they announced the trip and double confirmed the venue, accommodation and flights, many had either dropped out, reluctant or opt for a personal trip, rather some said. Initially, we were offered 3 destinations: 1) Perth (You would think, 'yeah, I know it's a 3 day 2 night company trip, you get to breath the fresh air of Australia and the next thing you know, you're boarding the returning flight', but we still have high hope for it like we don't care as long as we get the highest vote for Perth) and 2) Manila (Eeww who would want to be there, that's the responses we've got) and the last 3) Hanoi (We had the 2ND highest votes for this, as we think it would be plan B if we didn't make it to Australia). So, the MD stepped up on the podium during our Annual Dinner and announced the winning destination, Hanoi! Here we go...
This was not the hotel we stayed in Hanoi instead the 5 star hotel in Bangkok, and it is located in the heart of Bangkok, just 10 min walk to MBK the famous shopping paradise in Bangkok.
How it turned out to be Bangkok? We didn't board the wrong flight or the pilot needed to pee and landed in Bangkok but what happened after the announcement, a few issue arises and needed urgent attention and the trip was postponed, we were fine with that, later another issue came up, Hanoi is apparently not a suitable venue with certain reasons: 1) AirAsia only schedule 1 flight per day to Hanoi and could not cater to our need of carrying more than 350 people in 1 flight. 2) The hotel in Hanoi cannot accommodate the number of people too 3) We already paid the deposits and made arrangements.
The only solution to such problem not only change flight, but change venue to a more practical and cheaper venue, so there is Bangkok.
I think staying in the 5 star hotel was the compensation to our disappointment, but then again it could be other reason.
Nevertheless, I still have to blog and brag about it LOL. We could find other excitement in Bangkok too, first let's marvel at the new 5 star VIE Hotel huh...
Now we look into my room and let's see what we've got...
How about the view from my room window?
Oh I forgot about something, I noticed there were some landscapes at the entrance of the hotel which really captured me and I like it the most from what the hotel featured. Take a look.
The plants were rooted in the wall, beautifully and stunning.
Upon arrival we were given a brief time to check into our room and refresh, and meet at the lobby where all of us got into 2 coaches to go to Chaophraya River for our dinner on the cruise.
Upon arrival we were given a brief time to check into our room and refresh, and meet at the lobby where all of us got into 2 coaches to go to Chaophraya River for our dinner on the cruise.
A Thai dancer performing as the mark of welcoming the guests on board and the opening of our dinner.
After the so-so dinner buffet, I went up to the open deck to snap some scenery, they didn't turn out good due the cloudy and drizzling weather, so I didn't post them here. It was an exhausting night, the minute I got into my room, I just dropped dead...
I went to MBK the next day with my boss and colleagues, as we were entering the mall, I smelt incense burning and joss sticks on the altar, many worshipper were busy mumbling and praying to the Gods, I was not sure what name are the Gods but among them were the Elephant God, the one with four faces and one with many arms...
Well I managed to snapped a few before got chased by the security guard.
After a long and hustle shopping like a shopaholic, we finally settled down and headed back to our hotel to get ourselves cleaned up and proceed to the next agenda which I never regret going and it was a memorable one in my life.
We watched 'The Miracle of Siam', it was spectacular and amazing, every bit of it was perfectly done. It's totally exceptional and we were all in awe too, we didn't even know there was a water river on stage until an actor jumped into it and took a bath, in addition, a monk on a boat came into screen on the water and blessing the villagers, I can't literally explain unless you experience it yourself. It was just unexpected. A definitely must see show in Thailand.
Before we enter the theatre, we were guided to a huge dining hall where we had our dinner buffet, which was a satisfactory, the tom yam kung and noddle soup were prepared on the spot and everything's delicious and fresh.
After the dinner, the guide lead us to the Thai Village, where we got to know the hill tribe people, their lifestyles and some of their delicacies which was very unique.
It was said that every house in the hill hang this fishes made from dried leaves bring good fortune and wealth, it is an auspicious sign.
After the tour, it was show time, so we got to our seat and enjoy the show. You have to watch the show yourself in order to get what I meant, I can' explain it here. No words could describe the awesome-ness. Hmmm after the show, you just feel sleepy watching this little one, they have it around the hall outside...how sweet.
After the tour, it was show time, so we got to our seat and enjoy the show. You have to watch the show yourself in order to get what I meant, I can' explain it here. No words could describe the awesome-ness. Hmmm after the show, you just feel sleepy watching this little one, they have it around the hall outside...how sweet.
Photo Slides from HK Trip
Finally, I put everything into slides, yeah and I knew it was a quarter (3 months) ago, I guess everything will explained through these photos. Need no explainations. And with that amount or number of photos, it took me hours just to pick, insert and make into slides, although it's not hard, but it pained my eyes, I am still giddy after done. Anyway, hope you enjoy watching them. Happy Viewing!
Friday, May 22, 2009
Passion for the dream job
It is a 'passion' I started picking up again recently as it was where I dropped it temporarily last time, the Sign Language. It was like a reunion for me to re-join the group at Level 2 class which held every once a week on Thursday, 7 PM - 9 PM at the Young Men Christian Association (YMCA, Brickfields).
Before I proceed, I'd like to explain a little bit of how and when I got myself into the world of the Deaf. I also did mentioned them before in my older posts that I have passion for the Deaf, especially the language they use to communicate, the Sign Language.
My first encounter with the Sign Language was more than 5 years ago where I worked in a McDonald's outlet in Penang, when I have to use hand signs and body language to communicate to my Crew Leader, he was the person-in-charge of the kitchen, quality and quantity of the products were under his control during his shift.
Slowly and gradually I was 'lured' in or attracted to its beauty, the language of communication. I would ask him a few words a day, or everytime I met him during my shift, and from then I've always look forward to work in the same shift as his. He would patiently teach me the correct signing, the placing of the hands in order to show / perfect certain signs. But he was very strict in his work, no one got pass him with an extra packet of chili, sometimes he could notice you stealing burger or a drumstick from the waste bin from far and throw things at you in order to get your attention, or make noise so he could talk to you.
It was him that aroused my interest and love towards Sign Language, he brought me to the association's AGM one day, I dropped my jaw and didn't even blink my eyes, I only see signs and hear silence in the conference room. That was amazing, I said to myself.
From there, I began to pick up the Sign Language myself without the help of an instructor or teacher, I learned from the Deaf, I would follow them to their regular activities and then wait at the favorite meeting point (usually a hawker stall or food court) after the activity, to chat that was.
At the beginning, I was the only hearing person in the crowd, my eyes were just rolling, up and down, then left and right seeing them responding to each other's commands, it's a scene for me! Even I don't understand a single sign. Then after a few meetings where I got a bit more acquainted to them, I would budge in or cut in and stop their signing, then I would ask them what were the signs meant, and I would jot it down, they were curious at first, probably thinking I was a weirdo, but they saw my perseverance and hard-working, they willingly offer classes to me and even 1-to-1 class to teach me Sign Language, some offered me some books on Sign Language.
So I began my work, contribution and commitment to the Deaf society, I socialize with them practically everyday, I didn't get tired of it, I even wanted a Deaf partner that time! I remembered one time I signed the whole night, just plain signing with a bunch of Deaf and we were laughing and enjoying the 'chat'.
When I walked into the class room in YMCA, that day, immediately it brought me back when and where I was learning like the beginning, it just happened in the same room, but it was much quieter now, the students and the teacher were no where in sight! I went back downstairs to check the schedule and re-checked with the receptionist again, it was correct, the class commercing at 7:00 PM. Then I walked out and waited outside hoping to see someone I knew.
There, the YMCA Laundry remains, fully owned by a Deaf and runs by the Deaf as well, I stepped in and waved 'Hi' to the lady worker, who didn't realise until I told her that I've worked here before with the teacher who's being late for class today. We were laughing and a hearing couple came in, handing her a windbreaker, wanting a dry wash for it, the Deaf lady took a look at it and look at the customer again and shook her head, and she was signing 'The machine is not working, it was broken...', the hearing couple found difficulty understanding her signs, then I politely talked by their side and explain the situation to them, apparently the shop hasn't found any man to fix the machine because there weren't any man nearby who knows how to fix the machine, so the worker told them to go look for other laundry shop, after apologising to them and seeing them walking out the laundry shop, I saw my teacher shouldered in between the couple and she saw me.
Teacher: Hey Joe! What're you doing here?
Me: Waiting for you, I thought the class starts at 7?
Teacher: Yes, sorry I was late.
So there we were distributed some papers and a booklet what seems like a thin text book to me. And I was browsing the assignments:
Assignment #1: Deaf Event, I have to attend at least 3 Deaf events, preferably not organized by YMCA, and at least 1/3 of the crowd is Deaf.
Assignment #2: Book / Movie Review, of cause it must be related to Deaf culture / society / awareness and so on...
Teacher: Ok, before we start, shall we introduce ourselves, start from Joe.
Me: Hi, my name is Joe and the sign is 'JO' and I am working in the Head Office of McDonald's...
Before I could finish...
Teacher: Alright, since you're the only male in the class, I should inform you guys about another thing about becoming an Interpreter, there are many male Interpreter in the world, most of them are either gay or, married to a Deaf wife. So what are you?
It was like I was struck by a frozen sharp razor, I wanted to turn and face the walls but I couldn't. With the tiny boldness I had, I swallowed and answered 'Yes...I am gay.'
Teacher: Really?! I knew it from the beginning ahahaha.
The rest were whispering, though they were only 5 of them.
However, there were no concrete facts that says gays like to be Sign Language Interpreter or gays are more eligible, dominant or capable in interpreting jobs, all I am saying is, Interpreter is a unique occupation, it's rare and it is in fact a highly paid career, and not for the soft hearted, as Interpreters need to work, sometimes very long hours, stressful situations and preferably a versatile person who would be able to switch in order to suit in the situation or vice versa.
When we were discussing the 3rd Assignment, the teacher suggested to me to cover a topic about Gay and Lesbian Deaf which interests me, I have thought of that but it is just too much of the effort to find out how many gays in the Deaf society especially in Malaysia. There are, I mean but they are more towards closeted ones, conservative and scared. It's a bit tough to conduct interview with them as Deaf are sensitive on certain issues than the hearings do. The rest of the assignments are not that hard to complete and we have about 2 months before submission which is great.
As I walked down the street towards KL Sentral after the class, part of my mind was heavy and part of it was light, a mixture of feelings, like happy yet sad. I had trouble figuring out what was I doing. I guess I just have to move forward, towards my dream.
Before I proceed, I'd like to explain a little bit of how and when I got myself into the world of the Deaf. I also did mentioned them before in my older posts that I have passion for the Deaf, especially the language they use to communicate, the Sign Language.
My first encounter with the Sign Language was more than 5 years ago where I worked in a McDonald's outlet in Penang, when I have to use hand signs and body language to communicate to my Crew Leader, he was the person-in-charge of the kitchen, quality and quantity of the products were under his control during his shift.
Slowly and gradually I was 'lured' in or attracted to its beauty, the language of communication. I would ask him a few words a day, or everytime I met him during my shift, and from then I've always look forward to work in the same shift as his. He would patiently teach me the correct signing, the placing of the hands in order to show / perfect certain signs. But he was very strict in his work, no one got pass him with an extra packet of chili, sometimes he could notice you stealing burger or a drumstick from the waste bin from far and throw things at you in order to get your attention, or make noise so he could talk to you.
It was him that aroused my interest and love towards Sign Language, he brought me to the association's AGM one day, I dropped my jaw and didn't even blink my eyes, I only see signs and hear silence in the conference room. That was amazing, I said to myself.
From there, I began to pick up the Sign Language myself without the help of an instructor or teacher, I learned from the Deaf, I would follow them to their regular activities and then wait at the favorite meeting point (usually a hawker stall or food court) after the activity, to chat that was.
At the beginning, I was the only hearing person in the crowd, my eyes were just rolling, up and down, then left and right seeing them responding to each other's commands, it's a scene for me! Even I don't understand a single sign. Then after a few meetings where I got a bit more acquainted to them, I would budge in or cut in and stop their signing, then I would ask them what were the signs meant, and I would jot it down, they were curious at first, probably thinking I was a weirdo, but they saw my perseverance and hard-working, they willingly offer classes to me and even 1-to-1 class to teach me Sign Language, some offered me some books on Sign Language.
So I began my work, contribution and commitment to the Deaf society, I socialize with them practically everyday, I didn't get tired of it, I even wanted a Deaf partner that time! I remembered one time I signed the whole night, just plain signing with a bunch of Deaf and we were laughing and enjoying the 'chat'.
When I walked into the class room in YMCA, that day, immediately it brought me back when and where I was learning like the beginning, it just happened in the same room, but it was much quieter now, the students and the teacher were no where in sight! I went back downstairs to check the schedule and re-checked with the receptionist again, it was correct, the class commercing at 7:00 PM. Then I walked out and waited outside hoping to see someone I knew.
There, the YMCA Laundry remains, fully owned by a Deaf and runs by the Deaf as well, I stepped in and waved 'Hi' to the lady worker, who didn't realise until I told her that I've worked here before with the teacher who's being late for class today. We were laughing and a hearing couple came in, handing her a windbreaker, wanting a dry wash for it, the Deaf lady took a look at it and look at the customer again and shook her head, and she was signing 'The machine is not working, it was broken...', the hearing couple found difficulty understanding her signs, then I politely talked by their side and explain the situation to them, apparently the shop hasn't found any man to fix the machine because there weren't any man nearby who knows how to fix the machine, so the worker told them to go look for other laundry shop, after apologising to them and seeing them walking out the laundry shop, I saw my teacher shouldered in between the couple and she saw me.
Teacher: Hey Joe! What're you doing here?
Me: Waiting for you, I thought the class starts at 7?
Teacher: Yes, sorry I was late.
So there we were distributed some papers and a booklet what seems like a thin text book to me. And I was browsing the assignments:
Assignment #1: Deaf Event, I have to attend at least 3 Deaf events, preferably not organized by YMCA, and at least 1/3 of the crowd is Deaf.
Assignment #2: Book / Movie Review, of cause it must be related to Deaf culture / society / awareness and so on...
Teacher: Ok, before we start, shall we introduce ourselves, start from Joe.
Me: Hi, my name is Joe and the sign is 'JO' and I am working in the Head Office of McDonald's...
Before I could finish...
Teacher: Alright, since you're the only male in the class, I should inform you guys about another thing about becoming an Interpreter, there are many male Interpreter in the world, most of them are either gay or, married to a Deaf wife. So what are you?
It was like I was struck by a frozen sharp razor, I wanted to turn and face the walls but I couldn't. With the tiny boldness I had, I swallowed and answered 'Yes...I am gay.'
Teacher: Really?! I knew it from the beginning ahahaha.
The rest were whispering, though they were only 5 of them.
However, there were no concrete facts that says gays like to be Sign Language Interpreter or gays are more eligible, dominant or capable in interpreting jobs, all I am saying is, Interpreter is a unique occupation, it's rare and it is in fact a highly paid career, and not for the soft hearted, as Interpreters need to work, sometimes very long hours, stressful situations and preferably a versatile person who would be able to switch in order to suit in the situation or vice versa.
When we were discussing the 3rd Assignment, the teacher suggested to me to cover a topic about Gay and Lesbian Deaf which interests me, I have thought of that but it is just too much of the effort to find out how many gays in the Deaf society especially in Malaysia. There are, I mean but they are more towards closeted ones, conservative and scared. It's a bit tough to conduct interview with them as Deaf are sensitive on certain issues than the hearings do. The rest of the assignments are not that hard to complete and we have about 2 months before submission which is great.
As I walked down the street towards KL Sentral after the class, part of my mind was heavy and part of it was light, a mixture of feelings, like happy yet sad. I had trouble figuring out what was I doing. I guess I just have to move forward, towards my dream.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
All in a day's work...
I thought I am going to spend the empty day alone, staying up late in bed and lie down again to go back to sleep, when suddenly "...please don't stop the music, music, music..." I grumbled as I answered the call, this was supposed to be a beautiful day for my pay-back beauty sleep...and moreover I hardly get sat-off, just because some idiots called off my shows in Melacca...
Me: Yello...*yawns
Sydney: Hey Joe! uhmm u got a min?
Me: Not if I go back to sleep, what's up?
Although Sydney has been my friend and classmate for more than 10 years, there were times we lost contact / communication, we went our separate ways, and he was in UK as well. When he came back to Malaysia a few years ago, we bumped into each other and that's how we are re-connecting back, well almost, as he is still a bit far from me though, he's working for Jefferson (Head Office in Penang) and I am working in KL. Both of us travel a lot for our work, making it difficult for us to meet up even for a cuppa...
Sydney: I am in need of an extra hand, for my show!
Me: Woah...hold on, I could lend you both if you don't mind if you tell me what show is that you're doing? And I don't illegal and hanky-panky stuffs ya know...
Sydney: NO lar! My fashion show!
Me: When did you become a model, I thought you still with LV?
Sydney: I don't have time for this, Joe, please come, see you at 2 PM.
So, by the time I hang up it's already quarter past 1 PM...what say you? I mandi kerbau lar! Luckily I put on a shirt before going out.
Sydney: Ohh gosh! Thank god for you, you are here...Marrrrrrrrry! Come! Please teach my friend, Joe to put the clothes according to the models' name...
That took another 1 hour or so, then finally everything was done, we pushed the hangers to the lift and then go behind the stage, into a backstage room, full of smoldering male models, my eyes were not blinking, but staring and screening through every bodies in there.
Sydney: Joe, your job here is to dress and undress them *pointing towards the models
Coordinator: Ivan! IVAN! It's your turn, where are you?!
Me: Ok ok go go it's your turn.
I am bad at names, couldn't remember whose pants I undid or whose fly I unzipped, but I remembered Ivan's, lol. He was doing the buttons on his shirt, and while waiting for him, I helped undo his jeans, pulled down the zip, but got stuck on the belt, I couldn't unleash the belt, suddenly I felt embarrassed, I was blushing, geez moreover that part was so hairy too, i almost hurt him by pulling his hair, ya know the hair that grows on the part between your pubic and on stomach, I don't know what to call that particular area. And they grow like a line leading from stomach to the pubic region.
Me: uhm..uh, hey Ivan I think you do it yourself...I..I get you your next...shorts.
He didn't say a word, didn't even look at me...just busy doing his....buttons...
You probably have guessed and got excited about the job, get to look at naked men dressing and not only that, you get to undress them, you get the whole package there, but sadly to say this, you really don't have time to look at their dick ok, it was so time consuming and hustle, you don't even have time to pee.
You will be worrying about their clothes, the colour matches, was it the right belt or shoe, unbutton or button, tuck in or out, things like that.
By the end of the day, me and Sydney were exhausted, and we walked over to Pavillion and had a tasty-filling dinner of Sambal Petai and Nasi Lemak at Mdm. Kwan's. Hmmm irresistible.
After that late dinner, we went to a sauna nearby to have a nice stress-release lol. Didn't think I would ever enter that place again, well, who cares? It's just a retreat anyway...
Me: Yello...*yawns
Sydney: Hey Joe! uhmm u got a min?
Me: Not if I go back to sleep, what's up?
Although Sydney has been my friend and classmate for more than 10 years, there were times we lost contact / communication, we went our separate ways, and he was in UK as well. When he came back to Malaysia a few years ago, we bumped into each other and that's how we are re-connecting back, well almost, as he is still a bit far from me though, he's working for Jefferson (Head Office in Penang) and I am working in KL. Both of us travel a lot for our work, making it difficult for us to meet up even for a cuppa...
Sydney: I am in need of an extra hand, for my show!
Me: Woah...hold on, I could lend you both if you don't mind if you tell me what show is that you're doing? And I don't illegal and hanky-panky stuffs ya know...
Sydney: NO lar! My fashion show!
Me: When did you become a model, I thought you still with LV?
Sydney: I don't have time for this, Joe, please come, see you at 2 PM.
So, by the time I hang up it's already quarter past 1 PM...what say you? I mandi kerbau lar! Luckily I put on a shirt before going out.
Sydney: Ohh gosh! Thank god for you, you are here...Marrrrrrrrry! Come! Please teach my friend, Joe to put the clothes according to the models' name...
That took another 1 hour or so, then finally everything was done, we pushed the hangers to the lift and then go behind the stage, into a backstage room, full of smoldering male models, my eyes were not blinking, but staring and screening through every bodies in there.
Sydney: Joe, your job here is to dress and undress them *pointing towards the models
Oh! Don't forget to double check them before they go out. Make sure they're wearing
correct suits and pants, according to the numbering.
The first round was smart casual, with a tee and a jacket or coat and all long pants...wait a minute, something was wrong with model number 3! His long pants and long sleeves was still hanging on the hanger, gawd! I immediately call out for Sydney, luckily the model hadn't went on stage yet, so I managed to rush the whole undressing and change into the correct pairs for him and then wowla, and let the show begin...correctly at the least I could do, Sydney was so thankful and grateful I was there.
Coordinator: Ivan! IVAN! It's your turn, where are you?!
Me: Ok ok go go it's your turn.
I am bad at names, couldn't remember whose pants I undid or whose fly I unzipped, but I remembered Ivan's, lol. He was doing the buttons on his shirt, and while waiting for him, I helped undo his jeans, pulled down the zip, but got stuck on the belt, I couldn't unleash the belt, suddenly I felt embarrassed, I was blushing, geez moreover that part was so hairy too, i almost hurt him by pulling his hair, ya know the hair that grows on the part between your pubic and on stomach, I don't know what to call that particular area. And they grow like a line leading from stomach to the pubic region.
Me: uhm..uh, hey Ivan I think you do it yourself...I..I get you your next...shorts.
He didn't say a word, didn't even look at me...just busy doing his....buttons...
So after a few round, it was finally reaching the end of the show and all of the models are to walk for a last round, we got extra time to tidy things up a bit, check and double check the outfits, the colours mixing and matching, sleeves, collars and so on. I was checking on Ivan, and he was sweating like a pig I tell you! Rubbing and wiping off sweats on his cheeks, sides and forehead, and he suddenly stared at me...'Erm...it's my turn now...thanks a lot'.
You probably have guessed and got excited about the job, get to look at naked men dressing and not only that, you get to undress them, you get the whole package there, but sadly to say this, you really don't have time to look at their dick ok, it was so time consuming and hustle, you don't even have time to pee.
You will be worrying about their clothes, the colour matches, was it the right belt or shoe, unbutton or button, tuck in or out, things like that.
By the end of the day, me and Sydney were exhausted, and we walked over to Pavillion and had a tasty-filling dinner of Sambal Petai and Nasi Lemak at Mdm. Kwan's. Hmmm irresistible.
After that late dinner, we went to a sauna nearby to have a nice stress-release lol. Didn't think I would ever enter that place again, well, who cares? It's just a retreat anyway...
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Love is confusing... (Part 7)
The message of LOVEWhat is love to me seems to be a little bit different from what people think of it nowadays, I really want to know, just out of 10 guys, how many believe in true love, need not mention everlasting love or lifetime companionship but just the belief of relationship.
I know love is complicating, in fact love is almost everything including the negatives like, jealousy, hatred, selfishness, conservativeness, over-protecting, misunderstanding and the list goes on endlessly.
With the technology today, long-distance relationship is no exception in prolonging love, be it thru MSN, Skype, Emails, 3G, Edge, Voice Mails and whatever that keeps us contacting to the ones we love. And I know sometimes, with all these advanced devices, we still could see laggy visuals, deformed images of our partner showing thru the tiny screen in our phones, really frustrating huh. But yet it doesn't fail us from constant communication and endurance.
Another thing about love I want to share here is - kiasu, as in Hokkien it means 'afraid of losing' or 'I don't want to be a loser'. How does this implied in relationships. If you look closer, it is not about jealousy, quite close though. It is the same idea of having the things that other / your friends' having, for instance, fashion trend, you just can't stand just because your friend's wearing the new collection of Jaspal or Thomas Pink; everyone changing their phone for i-Phone and so on. You couldn't bear the feeling or thought of not having a boyfriend, you hate losing, you expect your bf would do not only the same as your friend's bf but more than what he did, you are comparing your bf with other friend's bf. In the other hand you couldn't care less about yourself. And that's love!
I believe in love knows no boundaries, it will go as high as the sky and as deep as the sea, you could run away from it but you could never hide from it...and ironically "Isn't love just a game.."
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
The Past (Part 1.2)
I've been reading some other blogs lately, came across one of them which he posted a YouTube clip of a Sign Language Interpreter signing 'womanizer', a hunk too! Very intriguing as the author wrote, yes indeed, I've never seen such powerful message and the signs were beautifully showed in expressions and dances, even though I was an interpreter last time. I would never achieve that...
The point is, it made me pondered back those days, where I was living in the The Salvation Army where we would have wolves hunting their predators...which sign language, body language and expressions were used to communicate...even in the dark.
Straight to the point, they would not come for me wanting other than sex, i remembered the gaze, the stare, the wink, fingers luring me into an empty room, the rubbing between bodies, the absolutely predictable and cunning smile when looking back at me and etc.
Many words sometimes could be expressed by other languages, I am already feel 'numb' to all these languages, I only know how to obey orders, take orders like a dog. Living in a two face personalities, lying and hiding were the lifestyles those days...
Still remembered there's one time where we do not have electricity supply; the whole hostel was in dark, and we still managed to sneak out of the room safely and find place for a release, or how we snuggled together covered in blanket to hide our presence when the guardian came to check our room.
As I am writing this, I am watching MILK, it is very inspiring and moving, I wondered I would have that great courage to stand up for my own rights, or even my pride, somehow, I would rather face it or fight it than dying in my own shame, my humiliation for the same kind and my regrets.
Lastly, I should say, just remain who you are, don't try to become anyone other than yourself unless you're an actor lol. I have left that two face world a long time ago, that was like the times before MILK, closeted people, I had came out, how 'bout you?
The point is, it made me pondered back those days, where I was living in the The Salvation Army where we would have wolves hunting their predators...which sign language, body language and expressions were used to communicate...even in the dark.
Straight to the point, they would not come for me wanting other than sex, i remembered the gaze, the stare, the wink, fingers luring me into an empty room, the rubbing between bodies, the absolutely predictable and cunning smile when looking back at me and etc.
Many words sometimes could be expressed by other languages, I am already feel 'numb' to all these languages, I only know how to obey orders, take orders like a dog. Living in a two face personalities, lying and hiding were the lifestyles those days...
Still remembered there's one time where we do not have electricity supply; the whole hostel was in dark, and we still managed to sneak out of the room safely and find place for a release, or how we snuggled together covered in blanket to hide our presence when the guardian came to check our room.
As I am writing this, I am watching MILK, it is very inspiring and moving, I wondered I would have that great courage to stand up for my own rights, or even my pride, somehow, I would rather face it or fight it than dying in my own shame, my humiliation for the same kind and my regrets.
Lastly, I should say, just remain who you are, don't try to become anyone other than yourself unless you're an actor lol. I have left that two face world a long time ago, that was like the times before MILK, closeted people, I had came out, how 'bout you?
Saturday, April 4, 2009
'Qing Min' Day - 清明节
Auspiciously it is a day of 'cleaning' the grave and worship the deceased, be them our ancestors, distant or closed relatives and closed ones. Mostly Buddhist Chinese who will wake up very early in the morning to go to the cemetery which located in the furthest rural area of the state, my grandfather was cremated and he was placed in the Pokok Sena, in Hokkien we called the place 'Gor Pak Long' which means 500 yards, logically it is known as Alor Setar Chinese Cemetery, 亚罗士打山庄.
My mom woke me up at 6 o'clock today, I was lazy though but I know it is my responsibility, my deceased cousin Siang who was my senior is to be worshipped by juniors of the family only, the elder and whosoever is older than him should not worship or even buy things for him like paying for the flowers or even prohibited from buying hell money for him. So that left me, and the other much younger cousins.
We got up and get washed, get the food ready, the tea for worship, papers for burning, including the hell money, paper clothing, paper shoes, jossticks, red candles, a lot of roast pork, some dish with rice and my grandfather's favorite - Nescafe 'O' gao (thick).
After gathering the goods and foods, we headed off to the destination, we have a lot of 'person' to visit for the day. A total of 3 places we have to go.
The first we went to our great great grand father's tomb...am sorry it was his grave, we were placing some old newspapers in front of his grave stone and burning some red colored candles, food, tea and alcohol was placed there too, and we even placed many small and colored paper on his grave with a jossticks firmly stood on it to prevent it from flying. After the preparations, I then lighted a bunch of jossticks and passed everyone present, 3 sticks each to pay their respect and place them in the rusted tin with sand in it. For awhile later I held 2 coins in my palms, facing each other, shakes a bit and then dropped to the floor in front of the grave stone which has a name together indicating the surname and the person's hierarchy in the family. The first round had already proved that my gggrandfather has finished his meal, by looking at the coins, one up and the other down. If 2 facing down = not finish, If 2 facing up = laugh / happy / doesn't mean he had finish his meal though.
After nodding to my aunt as to indicate, she quickly cleaned and kept the food into the plastic bag and washed the cups with the water we brought along. After that we feasted on the 'siew bak' roast pork before we keep the rest to take home. And we drank some Nescafe before we moved on to the other place.
At our grandfather's slot (he was cremated and placed in a porcelain urn and inside a small slot where a small photo of my grandfather and name are displayed on, and which I believed my uncles bought it for RM 3,300.00 which is written on the other end of the slots the same level as my grandfather's), there's long tables in front of the displays and a sign telling 'No offerings beyond this point' hanging at the wall beside.
After placing the food and Nescafe 'O' gao, we had a long wait, a lot of people were crowding the place, there's people on the road, people at the cremating area, people at the temple beside, people beside us, left and right. And smells of everything, we even smelt the king of fruits, somebody brought it and served it as an offering to their 'loved' one I guessed.
Finally when we got the approval from grandfather, my cousins brought the 'papers' to burning area where they placed it to burn for grandfather. And then done the cleaning and on the road again to our last destination, the Alor Setar Siam Temple.
The last venue, where my cousin Siang has been placing there, is the only one we did things on our own, without adult or elders' supervision, we received orders and advice, but we would still get the temple's advice ourselves, it's for the best, and we enjoy doing it...although we have to endure the heat when we burn the papers, imagine you are in the heat with others, the heat from the fire, weather and the flying hot ashes towards your face and made you stink like a overcooked / over roasted pork.
Even cousin Siang agreed with us, when I was thinking to myself after both the coins turned up, and then one up and one down the second time, the siam monk chanted at cousin's altar then we keep the remaining food into the container and was ready to head home.
We took the papers outside where the burning area is, it was piled with mountains of ashes and they were flying in every direction, we fan away the ashes with our hands trying to get in and secure a corner to burn the papers to cousin. Every clothing has cousin's full name on it, I guessed it would be easier for him to recognize his since there will be too many clothes burning down tonight, after pouring the coffee on the piles indicating the end of the burning, we headed home exhausted and looking forward to a nice cold bath, on the way back we went to Tesco which is not far from my grandmother's house, to get some lemongrass and prawns to cook a sour and sweet Tomyam for dinner.
My mom woke me up at 6 o'clock today, I was lazy though but I know it is my responsibility, my deceased cousin Siang who was my senior is to be worshipped by juniors of the family only, the elder and whosoever is older than him should not worship or even buy things for him like paying for the flowers or even prohibited from buying hell money for him. So that left me, and the other much younger cousins.
We got up and get washed, get the food ready, the tea for worship, papers for burning, including the hell money, paper clothing, paper shoes, jossticks, red candles, a lot of roast pork, some dish with rice and my grandfather's favorite - Nescafe 'O' gao (thick).
After gathering the goods and foods, we headed off to the destination, we have a lot of 'person' to visit for the day. A total of 3 places we have to go.
The first we went to our great great grand father's tomb...am sorry it was his grave, we were placing some old newspapers in front of his grave stone and burning some red colored candles, food, tea and alcohol was placed there too, and we even placed many small and colored paper on his grave with a jossticks firmly stood on it to prevent it from flying. After the preparations, I then lighted a bunch of jossticks and passed everyone present, 3 sticks each to pay their respect and place them in the rusted tin with sand in it. For awhile later I held 2 coins in my palms, facing each other, shakes a bit and then dropped to the floor in front of the grave stone which has a name together indicating the surname and the person's hierarchy in the family. The first round had already proved that my gggrandfather has finished his meal, by looking at the coins, one up and the other down. If 2 facing down = not finish, If 2 facing up = laugh / happy / doesn't mean he had finish his meal though.
After nodding to my aunt as to indicate, she quickly cleaned and kept the food into the plastic bag and washed the cups with the water we brought along. After that we feasted on the 'siew bak' roast pork before we keep the rest to take home. And we drank some Nescafe before we moved on to the other place.
At our grandfather's slot (he was cremated and placed in a porcelain urn and inside a small slot where a small photo of my grandfather and name are displayed on, and which I believed my uncles bought it for RM 3,300.00 which is written on the other end of the slots the same level as my grandfather's), there's long tables in front of the displays and a sign telling 'No offerings beyond this point' hanging at the wall beside.
After placing the food and Nescafe 'O' gao, we had a long wait, a lot of people were crowding the place, there's people on the road, people at the cremating area, people at the temple beside, people beside us, left and right. And smells of everything, we even smelt the king of fruits, somebody brought it and served it as an offering to their 'loved' one I guessed.
Finally when we got the approval from grandfather, my cousins brought the 'papers' to burning area where they placed it to burn for grandfather. And then done the cleaning and on the road again to our last destination, the Alor Setar Siam Temple.
The last venue, where my cousin Siang has been placing there, is the only one we did things on our own, without adult or elders' supervision, we received orders and advice, but we would still get the temple's advice ourselves, it's for the best, and we enjoy doing it...although we have to endure the heat when we burn the papers, imagine you are in the heat with others, the heat from the fire, weather and the flying hot ashes towards your face and made you stink like a overcooked / over roasted pork.
Even cousin Siang agreed with us, when I was thinking to myself after both the coins turned up, and then one up and one down the second time, the siam monk chanted at cousin's altar then we keep the remaining food into the container and was ready to head home.
We took the papers outside where the burning area is, it was piled with mountains of ashes and they were flying in every direction, we fan away the ashes with our hands trying to get in and secure a corner to burn the papers to cousin. Every clothing has cousin's full name on it, I guessed it would be easier for him to recognize his since there will be too many clothes burning down tonight, after pouring the coffee on the piles indicating the end of the burning, we headed home exhausted and looking forward to a nice cold bath, on the way back we went to Tesco which is not far from my grandmother's house, to get some lemongrass and prawns to cook a sour and sweet Tomyam for dinner.
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