Coming Out - Letting Go Cont (Part 5.5)

As Teddy started working in the infamous little mall, I started my job in McDonald's, the Greenlane branch, my service as a party organiser, the branch is the most and up till today the busiest and highest volume outlet in Penang Island. With an average of 40-45 Birthday Parties a month, my hands were always full, starts work early and ended real late, and sometimes I missed the last bus.when I started working there, felt like coming back home as I used to work there after my SPM and I would love to check out guys (some high-school cuties) when I'm serving at the front counter. >.< i bet it tastes better than BigMac!

yummy!?

Teddy was doing very well, from Assistant Manager to Manager, from Manager to Department Head, and what now? I was still a party organiser...

Life began to look miserable, we didn't see each other except when I got home and he's already asleep in the dark, we hardly have dinner together, I was no more waiting for him at the loading bay where he usually comes out after shift. He's making new friends and colleagues but I was still the same...old me...like I used to live alone.

I watch telly alone, he must be watching our favorite series, that I found lying around the bedroom floor. We hardly spent time together although we live together. So close yet so far...

It felt like living with a stranger...I no longer know this person anymore...we hardly talk or even sms each other, something was very wrong somewhere...I just couldn't think.


We began to argue, offending each other, start building hate in ourselves, denial and ignorance.

The knot no longer tighten, it was broken and cut into pieces, damaged.

We couldn't talk to each other whenever we meet, even now, whenever he calls, I just ignore his call or answer reluctantly.


I recalled one CNY, I was hanging out with my old friends, high-school classmates and my sistas, we've known each other for more than 10 years! So, since everyone is going their separate ways after school, we decided that we come back for CNY and have a great gathering, catch things up, laughing out loud in Kopitiam like nobody's business, when we talked about the olden days.


"Hey, say we go paint the town, whatever-color-they-paint-nowadays tonight? Check out some clubs and hunks, what you say?" Said Fabulous Fabian.


"I wonder what they have in Penang, nowadays, or they still having those La-La-Chai disco like Cafe?" said Simple Jeff.


"Ok, so we all get into Fabian's car, let's meet up at the new block opposite Tesco shall we, let Mamma show you guys the way tonight, kay. Fabian I might need you to send me back, I need changing and inform my bf..." I instructed.

"Oh, why don't you invite him to join us, it would be nice." Fabulous Fabian suggested.

"Well, I don't know, but will definitely ask him, moreover he doesn't like going places like this, so let's hit it"

Why can't you just stay home spend time with the baby?

As Fabulous Fabian waiting outside my house, I rushed in...undid my zipper on the way up the stairs...Teddy was sleeping, probably awaken by my stomping steps.

"Dear...I'm going out with Fabian, coming back about 4, wanna come with us?" I asked.

"Wh-what? What time is it now? You just came back and want to go out again? Where're you going?" He was asking.


"Just some club, hang out and dance lo" I replied.

"So late already, why still wanna go?" He insisted I stay back.

"You think dance club open in daylight? That's why we are going now, and Fabian's waiting downstairs already, I don't have time, so come or not?." I argued.

"That's why I don't like you hanging out with them..." He criticizing.

"Who? You mean my old friends?" As I zipping my tight denim. "It's not that you don't know who I'm going out with, you know Jeff, Fabian, Kevin and Josh already when we started this relationship, is it a crime or a problem to you that, me and my old friends who come back to town once a year, can't party with me? Don't try to be my mother, ok?" I began to raise my voice as I was spraying my cologne.

"Then do as you wish...I don't wanna care anymore..." Covering his face with pillow.

"Then don't be!" As I slammed the door so hard it rattered the whole house.

I really went all out that night, exhausted, completely wore out huh, guessed I was really enjoying myself. Although my friends were disagreeing the way I treated Teddy, at that point of time, I just don't care anymore, I was reckless and disrespectful you may put it, trying to release something inside me, may be that's the way I was raised.

I may be over-reacted at times or out of control but it was natural for me to continue with my own routines even if I'm attached, doesn't that mean I have my rights too? I don't know about you guys, I always do it, for instance, I want the person I love to know whom I'm mixing with, whose my colleagues are or what activities I have been keeping whether he like it or not, weren't those things your other-half should know? Also keep that in mind that I would not sacrifice the things I've been doing to just rather spend never-ending time with my lover just doing nothing at home and that is not called love I believe, I don't mean I don't like spending quiet time or a little privacy just for the two of us, it's just that the sweet and lovely parts had long gone and we are in the mature part of the relationship where you suppose to be able to do your own things, but I always keep in mind that I inform my lover whatever things I'm doing or going to do.

After watching QAF for the third time, I actually realised, love doesn't come even from sacrifices. It doesn't really make sense if I sacrifice something out of my life to gain someone's love, does it? It's about directions, choices?

my all time favourite series

If both of us choose a different path ourselves, where would you think it'll lead us to at the end of the road? Will we still find each other at the end of the road or someone else?

Although it may seems or sound so sweet or amazing how a person sacrifices something to be with someone else but it is absurb that we give up things we love, why can't we just bring it along in someone's life?

For both to love the same thing is rare but choosing the same thing and live together is a lifetime?

I didn't like the ending of QAF as I've mentioned, came to think of it sometime ago, I realised Justin and may be Brian too made the right decision. Both didn't desire the same thing in life, Brian gave up many things in the end to be with Justin, and Justin too gave up a big time oppotunity to be with his fiance, and when both realised how much they missed or changed, they just couldn't accept it, it came to their senses that sacrifices one's wanting doesn't gain loyalty or trust towards another. I was glad they didn't get married even I wanted them so much, it would really satisfy my will of having the fairyland-like-and-live-happily-ever-after-ending >.<>

And I guessed me and Teddy will never choose the same path, as we already did...chose our own path at the beginning...you'll never know till you're actually get so used of it and then you're not anymore...

~End of Part 5.5~