Coming Out - Letting Go Cont (Part 5.5)

As Teddy started working in the infamous little mall, I started my job in McDonald's, the Greenlane branch, my service as a party organiser, the branch is the most and up till today the busiest and highest volume outlet in Penang Island. With an average of 40-45 Birthday Parties a month, my hands were always full, starts work early and ended real late, and sometimes I missed the last bus.when I started working there, felt like coming back home as I used to work there after my SPM and I would love to check out guys (some high-school cuties) when I'm serving at the front counter. >.< i bet it tastes better than BigMac!

yummy!?

Teddy was doing very well, from Assistant Manager to Manager, from Manager to Department Head, and what now? I was still a party organiser...

Life began to look miserable, we didn't see each other except when I got home and he's already asleep in the dark, we hardly have dinner together, I was no more waiting for him at the loading bay where he usually comes out after shift. He's making new friends and colleagues but I was still the same...old me...like I used to live alone.

I watch telly alone, he must be watching our favorite series, that I found lying around the bedroom floor. We hardly spent time together although we live together. So close yet so far...

It felt like living with a stranger...I no longer know this person anymore...we hardly talk or even sms each other, something was very wrong somewhere...I just couldn't think.


We began to argue, offending each other, start building hate in ourselves, denial and ignorance.

The knot no longer tighten, it was broken and cut into pieces, damaged.

We couldn't talk to each other whenever we meet, even now, whenever he calls, I just ignore his call or answer reluctantly.


I recalled one CNY, I was hanging out with my old friends, high-school classmates and my sistas, we've known each other for more than 10 years! So, since everyone is going their separate ways after school, we decided that we come back for CNY and have a great gathering, catch things up, laughing out loud in Kopitiam like nobody's business, when we talked about the olden days.


"Hey, say we go paint the town, whatever-color-they-paint-nowadays tonight? Check out some clubs and hunks, what you say?" Said Fabulous Fabian.


"I wonder what they have in Penang, nowadays, or they still having those La-La-Chai disco like Cafe?" said Simple Jeff.


"Ok, so we all get into Fabian's car, let's meet up at the new block opposite Tesco shall we, let Mamma show you guys the way tonight, kay. Fabian I might need you to send me back, I need changing and inform my bf..." I instructed.

"Oh, why don't you invite him to join us, it would be nice." Fabulous Fabian suggested.

"Well, I don't know, but will definitely ask him, moreover he doesn't like going places like this, so let's hit it"

Why can't you just stay home spend time with the baby?

As Fabulous Fabian waiting outside my house, I rushed in...undid my zipper on the way up the stairs...Teddy was sleeping, probably awaken by my stomping steps.

"Dear...I'm going out with Fabian, coming back about 4, wanna come with us?" I asked.

"Wh-what? What time is it now? You just came back and want to go out again? Where're you going?" He was asking.


"Just some club, hang out and dance lo" I replied.

"So late already, why still wanna go?" He insisted I stay back.

"You think dance club open in daylight? That's why we are going now, and Fabian's waiting downstairs already, I don't have time, so come or not?." I argued.

"That's why I don't like you hanging out with them..." He criticizing.

"Who? You mean my old friends?" As I zipping my tight denim. "It's not that you don't know who I'm going out with, you know Jeff, Fabian, Kevin and Josh already when we started this relationship, is it a crime or a problem to you that, me and my old friends who come back to town once a year, can't party with me? Don't try to be my mother, ok?" I began to raise my voice as I was spraying my cologne.

"Then do as you wish...I don't wanna care anymore..." Covering his face with pillow.

"Then don't be!" As I slammed the door so hard it rattered the whole house.

I really went all out that night, exhausted, completely wore out huh, guessed I was really enjoying myself. Although my friends were disagreeing the way I treated Teddy, at that point of time, I just don't care anymore, I was reckless and disrespectful you may put it, trying to release something inside me, may be that's the way I was raised.

I may be over-reacted at times or out of control but it was natural for me to continue with my own routines even if I'm attached, doesn't that mean I have my rights too? I don't know about you guys, I always do it, for instance, I want the person I love to know whom I'm mixing with, whose my colleagues are or what activities I have been keeping whether he like it or not, weren't those things your other-half should know? Also keep that in mind that I would not sacrifice the things I've been doing to just rather spend never-ending time with my lover just doing nothing at home and that is not called love I believe, I don't mean I don't like spending quiet time or a little privacy just for the two of us, it's just that the sweet and lovely parts had long gone and we are in the mature part of the relationship where you suppose to be able to do your own things, but I always keep in mind that I inform my lover whatever things I'm doing or going to do.

After watching QAF for the third time, I actually realised, love doesn't come even from sacrifices. It doesn't really make sense if I sacrifice something out of my life to gain someone's love, does it? It's about directions, choices?

my all time favourite series

If both of us choose a different path ourselves, where would you think it'll lead us to at the end of the road? Will we still find each other at the end of the road or someone else?

Although it may seems or sound so sweet or amazing how a person sacrifices something to be with someone else but it is absurb that we give up things we love, why can't we just bring it along in someone's life?

For both to love the same thing is rare but choosing the same thing and live together is a lifetime?

I didn't like the ending of QAF as I've mentioned, came to think of it sometime ago, I realised Justin and may be Brian too made the right decision. Both didn't desire the same thing in life, Brian gave up many things in the end to be with Justin, and Justin too gave up a big time oppotunity to be with his fiance, and when both realised how much they missed or changed, they just couldn't accept it, it came to their senses that sacrifices one's wanting doesn't gain loyalty or trust towards another. I was glad they didn't get married even I wanted them so much, it would really satisfy my will of having the fairyland-like-and-live-happily-ever-after-ending >.<>

And I guessed me and Teddy will never choose the same path, as we already did...chose our own path at the beginning...you'll never know till you're actually get so used of it and then you're not anymore...

~End of Part 5.5~

Coming Out - Letting Go (Part 5.4)

...boring times a gazillion...
Mentally blocked, bland, feelingless, fearless whatever equals to boredom...
I have too many and zero things in my mind to write this @#%$^*

even the dog yawns reading my blog...

Anyway, I am going to tell you about my past relationship, I wondered if I'm repeating myself about this in the previous post but never mind, this time I'm just going to brag about my ex and it's the last thing that anybody would want to talk about. *Yawns~~ yeah about my ex-bf not so much of the insignificant other of mine. But he really has significant looks though ^^ well never mind he has weaknesses too, ya know, like BO, short, really smelly feet.

"You have a problem with BO?"

It ended almost 3 years ago...now, once upon a sexless (naive) time...

I was working for an enterprise selling souvenirs and gifts, I was the wrapping guy behind the counter, wrapping stuffs for almost 2 years, well though I was quite content and well-trained with my work at that time, and I had a slimmer bod too, I guessed that helps when I saw guys cruising 'round the shop or accidentally purposely bumped into me asking me to wrap toys or in other words mesmerize them with my skills, I probably wrap them up in a box too ^^

Not really the kind of wrapping you get in Jaya Jusco or metrojaya or even from Bodyshop, what I used to do was unique wrapping, I use natural or recycle resources like recycle papers (not old newspaper ok), dried branches, thin papers, cardboards, jute ropes, paper and handmade flowers, a lot of stuffs I made myself...

There's a wrapping I remembered charging RM120++, consisted of a big handmade hard cover box (wrapped in recycle paper), jute ropes shredded, some exquisite wrappers and on top of the box cover I made some deco, a miniature christmas tree on a papermade-hill, lace sided golden ribbon matched with green and red fabric type ribbon, with some christmas corn and some snow spray as the finishing touch. But all these compared to the present he brought, it's just 10% of what I charged, it's the product of SK II worth almost RM2k. How I wished I was the receiver.

Well, coming back to the main story, how we met...at the first place, I remembered.

One fine Saturday morning almost noon, 2 decent guys came into our shop, looking for gifts, as usual, I was gossiping with my girl colleague, "Mie, who would you go for? The sunshine type or the blue collar type huh?" I asked her. "Whoever comes first lor..." replied Simply Tammy. "mmm, I agree with you, but you know me lar, I never approach people one, but I actually would go for the blue collar type, I don't know why lar, but they attracted to me, I think you suit the sunshine type one..." So the conversation went on until the end of the day.

The next day, I was alone, Tammy usually has her off days on Sundays, so as usual I went to the shop almost at noon time to open the the shop. As I just getting things ready I heard the phone rang, picked up and, "Long Summer, can I help you?" I greeted reluctantly. "Ermmm, I'd like to speak to the guy in the shop please." He replied. "I am the only guy here other than my boss, he usually don't come so early." I told him. "Oooh am glad it's you, err I have a friend who is interested in you and ermm he wondered he could get your number..." While he was making it up, "Excuse me, may I know who are you, and you said it's a 'he' right? How does 'he' knows that I am...alright how you got this number?" I insisted. "Oh I was shopping at your shop yesterday and I took the name card on the shelf, so..." He explained. *gotcha! "Oh! It's you that wanted my number? I'm sorry I couldn't do that, very sorry, not when I'm working."

After more than 30 mins of conversation, he finally convinced me to give him my number. "However, you can only call me after 10pm ok, now my bosses' wife just walked in, I gotta go, bye." I hang up. "Waaa~boiiling porridge ar?! Talked so long on the phone!" Ice Queen was interrogating me. "Wh-what? No ar, customer call asking about gifts and wrapping mah~" I murmured. "Okok liao, get back to work liao." She demanded. "Ye-yes, Mame."

I did receive call from the mysterious guy, he's Robin from Robine Kitchen...

Nah, not that, I'll just label him as Teddy, I got so mentally blocked thinking of names, so let's just call him Teddy. lol.

He wanted a meet-up somewhere, near the shop I worked. So I accepted the invitation and decided that we meet up at Starbucks downstairs after work.

That was on the next Sunday after he made his first call. I had actually told Simply Tammy that my dream is actually coming true, after what I was wishing to the stars every night before going to bed. I even told Simply Tammy that I don't deserve this kinda guy, I was not confident, discourage. Wondered why I was chose. "You know I love you" Boy confirmed "Sebab I sexy?" Girl asked. I wondered if I'm really attracted to him, but in which or what way?

I will try to describe his look, ok. Hmmm let me see, thick well grown eye brown, slightly brown-colored big poppy eyes, well-shaved chin but not stubble, clean cut, small pinky lips, very small ears almost hidden, perfect sharp nose not like Caucasian though, short spiky hairstyle, medium build bod, about 170cm tall, 65kg may be, stocky and he's from Kuching. I leave the rest to you guys. ^^

he loves me, he loves me not?

I was half way pulling down the shutter before I finally call it the day and was thinking about meeting Teddy. Someone patted me on my shoulder. "Eh-hem, Hi, am Ted." the gorgeous guy greeted me. I was stunned, petrified, *I hope you know CPR, 'cos you took my breath away~ "Hey, I-er I didn't expect it's you, ehmm..." I can't finish my sentence. "What do you mean?" He asked.

Quickly, I sum up the cashier, punch card and hit the shutter, went down to Starbucks with him. It's totally speechless, I was living in fairyland. Butterflies everywhere. "So..." he began, "...are we hanging out somewhere later?" *oh yeah we are going to heaven and I hope it's you who'd take me there "Err, well not anywhere particularly, it's just going back to my place, you mind?" I answered politely.

We had 8 great sex that night, too many position, too sweaty, and yeah heat and can't even move a dick now. Hugging *although I was feeling hot and uncomfortable, and I smelled something... each other to sleep.

"You're sooo damn good at it..."

He was working in KL that time and I was in Penang. We keep in touch thru smses, never ending online chats, break-time calls and so on, even phone sex. I would say it's so sweet even when I'm drinking bitter gourd juice that time.

You can call me insane or whatever, after 6 months knowing him, I moved down to KL to stay with him, without even knowing what the future holds for the 2 of us. And I ended up working with him for the same company. The company really sucks, with a 10 year establishment and achievements, can't even make it to our neighbour country, it's a software company, messy management, delay pay checks and so on.

After suffering for almost 3 months, I moved back to Penang and asked him to come with me if he still loves me. He followed me back. He, too was looking down, not willing to give up his job, he was discouraged, low confidence, he was 35, kept telling me "Who would want a 35 year old man?"

I took the effort seeking jobs everywhere in the island for him, with his qualification in fashion, experiences in major shopping malls in Singapore as operational director (dept director, GM), I doubted my efforts would go down the drain. When I found some major complexes with some higher position opening, he refused to go for the interview. He wanted to work for some smaller company, the one not so famous or not so favor by local. So, I found GAMA the over-sized grocery store or miniature shopping mall, he went in for the interview, for the position of Supervisor. When the lady in charge was reading his resume, her eyes almost popped out. "I'll ask the GM to interview you immediately, come with me to his office now." the excited lady assured.

I waited him for almost 2 hours, dosed off on the couch at the front counter. How glad I was for him when I saw him walking out of the GM's office, I could see the smiling face and how the dimple formed on the right side of his face. "So, how was it? Did you get it?" I asked anxiously. "Guess what, they're not giving me the job on the poster, but they gave me an Assistant Manager!" He was smiling with all his teeth showing. I have to tell you that I almost jumped on him in front of the receptionist and the others as if I had won lottery or what.

We were eating out and celebrating for our new job, without realising all these were leading us to nowhere but the most painful memory of, perhaps my life.

~End of Part 5.4~

Coming Out - Hobby or Fanatic? (Part 5.3)

WX Online

Recently have been visiting the cyber cafe I used to go, I always appear and disappear as the shop assistant told me ^^ one time all the worker even the graveyard shift regconize me and suddenly they don't anymore and even ask me if I'm a member or not.

Luckily the owner knows me well, even kept me posted about the events he's having in his outlet, HighStreet5 Competition, New Game Lauching, or exhibition and so on...

I have been an addict to online games, all kinds.

Once I get bored or I having a new toy or busy at work, I stopped for months, may be years, then I will appear in front of them again, having trouble key-in the last password I used to enter the game, as usual.

Last July, Malaysia launched a new online game, new face even new story, I would say all online game's interface is similar or almost the same, re-define or improvise it again for players' convenient like a click will make the character go find the quest on its own, or hold alt+N will bring up the NPC or specific points on the map and then click it to move your character there.

Other than the graphic quality I always go for in an online game, WX Online has another reason why it's so irresistible and attracted to me to continue playing, the story line. Each player has the chance to create his/her own story on the game, it is like a free-style thingy, do whatever and be anyone you like to begin your story, no ending, unless you stop playing. When I playing it, I feel like Brenda Starr, coming alive in a comic, or I really live in the world of the game. Just like the opening of the game after you login, you were absorb into the pc and appear in god-knows-what-year-was-that, you were still in your school attire but there's a crime going on in front of you and you saw a clone of yourself fighting among and...

If I continue on and started on the history, your cursor will be sliding and going towards the close button, lol. :)

Anyway, this Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game (MMORPG) is still attracting players, I wonder if there's any plu or queer gamer like me, almost fanatic. When I was only starting this new game, I already spent on the cash point top up card, to get items that you can't get in the game, like a pig transport that take you around with a flash, it runs rapidly, even faster than those tiger transport they have, lol and it's cute too. It took me RM40 top up card to get that ok. Whenever you buy it, the outcome is given randomly. Some geeks willing to pay RM100 to get that bloody pig too. Considered myself lucky to get one.

The opening of the game

Don't worry I'm not trying to persuade or convince you guys to play the game, but just showing u guys, what I'm into, lol. I used to dream of becoming a game creator, yeah a programmer, found out that the job was boring, lol, rather be a gamer.

This was the commercial ads

May be I should print screen my character and paste it here. ^^
Next time, may be.

Enough of WX Online...
I have been making online friends thru online games and also thru visiting various cc (cyber cafe).
Some places really have cute and yummy gamers, although they all look like geeks and nerds. They are attracted to me. I remembered knowing a guy from playing Ragnarok, Talented Howard. I had a crush on him, it turned out that I was not his type. :(
However, we're still friends, in fact, very good friends since then. But we stopped playing Ragnarok, not anymore.
I even had boys hooking me up and calling me from the online game, HighStreet 5, an interactive street dancing online game. Guess what, I had a very sexy and voluptuos girl created as my character, fooling around guys and wearing glamorous attire that I bought with cash point card, they all fell for it, lol. ^^ Well, not anymore, after they knew who I am. Rofl.

Enjoy!

~End of Part 5.3~