Conservative or otherwise

May be it's the adrenaline, or may be it's the urge that left me with a sleepless night yesterday. I just couldn't stop watching the TV and DVDs...


And this morning I was up, and right here I am writing this to the addition of the 3rd post for my Pride or prejudice label. It was about an incident happened about a week ago...quite funny.

"Hey, you going to the gym next week?" as I was talking to my Canadian friend and wanted to meet him after his workout.
"Yea sure, wanna meet for lunch?" he asked and I agreed to meet him up at the usual place, the gym lounge.

The day came and it was an early day for me and I also got off from work early, so I figured may be I could use one of the cafes there to go online, so I left my work place and headed to the meeting place.

I arrived an hour and a half early, but I totally changed my mind about having online at the cafe, so I took a stroll around the area, not many people at the hour, it just felt loose...

I walked pass the food court then I was standing in front of a tanning studio, staring at the monitor that previews all the almost-naked guys covered in towel and showing their tan, they looked happy, some even looked seductive, others might get that the shop's a house of whore or something.

Then I turned and there was a young woman (about my age I think) standing right in front of me, I looked at her at first, she smiled but I felt like she's grinning, and I realised I was blushing, I guessed she noticed me watching those slides at the monitor so I walked away, but she's still standing there.

I went into some comic stores and made it back to the tanning studio except I wasn't staring at the screen anymore, I took a seat at a nearby bench, and the young woman was sitting beside me. I didn't stand and walk this time, but I took out my Reader's Digest and continue from where I left...I was ignoring her, but I felt her eyes sort of, staring at me, intensely I guessed, caused I felt uneasy, irritated. And I knew she was smiling or grinning again, I didn't dare to lift my head up.

Eventually I didn't like the approach, so I put my book together and faced her, looked her into the eyes, and she put up a big smile almost a sincere one, then there's awkwardness in the air, surprised when she started to talk, I almost made up my mind to communicate with her using Sign Language.

"Hi...errr ar...are you waiting for someone?" she blurted.

"Uh huh, yea I am waiting for a friend" I replied.

"Oh, is your friend working here?" she asked and pointing at the gym center.

"Not really, he err...he is having his workout, yea at the gym" I replied politely.

"Ah ok" she noted and walked away without saying anything else. Just like that.

There's a lot went through my mind after that, did I made her leave by saying something wrong? Was it that I mentioned 'he' instead of 'she'? Or she failed to sell me something, may be a membership to the gym or some products, but obviously she's not carrying anything except a small handbag. I just didn't know what else to think off!

Honestly, how would she react when I said I was waiting for my boyfriend or my husband instead? Will that be more appropriate ya know, telling the truth or what? I bet she would probably did the same thing, stood and walked away, may be walk a bit faster this time.

And that's not the end, not the same story or the continuation, I was about to log off planetromeo yesterday when an 'exotic' guy from the 'exotic' land text me...

Mr. E: "Hi, you look cute, wanna have hot and wild sex with me?" came with several of his profile pictures, he didn't look half bad but...

Me: "Err, hello. Yea sure." eagerly waiting for his reply.

Mr. E: "Ok great here's my number 01x-xxxxxxx text me tomorrow, I am going to bed now"

Me: "Oh thanks and here's mine..."

He's like rushing somewhere, I know he's going to bed but at least we could chat a little longer...it's like he paged me in the hospital, "...on call room now!" or something like that...

Nevertheless, I did text him the first thing in the morning...

Me: "Hi...what time can we meet up and where do you live?"

Mr. E: "Morning Joe, what time you want me to meet you? Where to meet? My charges are RM150 please..."

Me: "You charge? What?! I didn't hire you, if it's free then you're welcome anytime!"

Mr. E: no reply....

After coming out from the shower, I text him again...

Me: "...be glad that I am not making a report about this, and if you would have come freely, I'm sure we would have hell of a great time..."

Mr. E: "...so sorry dude, my charges are fixed at RM150..."

Arghh what is wrong with you?! I created an account at planetromeo.com, a friendly gay community website not eBay!

I guessed pride really comes with a price huh? Don't you think?

Life's a movie

I am still figuring out why I stopped writing a year ago, and suddenly I am writing again now. Nope, not about the nightmares, I don't have a stalker, I wasn't possessed or something, I just stopped...
Well, one thing I could be sure about writing again is to improve my writing skills which would enhance my interpreting and translating skills and technics in one way or another, all these which I mentioned at the beginning of my entry.
One year is a long time, for some people, many things could be accomplished in a year's time, well, for me, a year passed in a blink. What I accomplished? Whatever...

Just a brief walkthru of Jonah 2009 June to 2010 June...

June 2009 - began to feel bored of my job...
July 2009 - left McDonald's for a flexible job (Freelance Interpreter)
August 2009 - ended my long-distance relationship and coping (it was not exposed here >.<)
Sept 2009 - began adapting my flexible work time (the new job)
Oct 2009 - found a part time job at a music shop (long break from the interpreting job, oct-feb)
Nov 2009 - working like a dog in that shop...
Dec 2009 - moved up a few floors...literally
Jan 2010 - current - working, playing and most of the time men hunting...to be honest...

I guess I am desperately looking out, may be I am being naive or pathetic, asking is there still a soul who believes in fairy tales, happily-ever-after? It beats me, but I would like to keep that thought to myself, one thing I am reminded of that is, like my friend told me, he wouldn't believe a ghost until he sees a ghost, who knows, he might never see a real ghost till he went to his grave, right?
May be it's a lousy metaphor, you can't compare a ghost to love, most of the time we hear stories from people who's been in relationships, good or bad, or may be we see it with our eyes, during our best friend's wedding or photos.

Yesterday in the car, my mentor asked me a question, 'why did you broke up?'
I stuttered...my answer was obviously unclear, I hesitated, why did I?

I am not holding it, I already let go, I moved on, in fact my life is forwarding like every time you watch porns, you press forward to skip the boring parts, you get to the exciting parts, the main course.
I skipped a lot of boring parts...wondered if my life would become like a movie, you just watch the good parts, and trash the unwanted scenes, but in the other hand I might not be good at keeping it up, sooner or later.

However, I could not deny that the unwanted scenes or behind the scene parts are all that made up the good parts, there's no way I would've trash them, it's vital like the connecting veins in your body that make every organ functions, if you want to continue living.

So are you skipping the boring parts of your life? You need to watch the making of your life, sometime, to reassure...

Apple, Anyone?

Have been god damn busy this month which I don't even realise we are now in July! As usual I have to do claims, scheduling, contact schools and so on...






Well, I never let business and job take over my leisure time ya know, still have to play hard when I am working hard.






Recently my friend from Singapore came back to his hometown for a week long holiday, to meet families, friends and sisters, that's me and the gang. So, he brought back his Limited Edition iPod Classic 160GB as I reminded him before, he promised me that he will pass it to me with the condition after he got his iPod iTouch 32GB, but that was like 3 months ago, and I was begging him to bring it with him. So he did...reluctantly.






Anyway, I was delighted that he didn't remove all his songs and videos, it would be a hassle for me to upload and arrange them again, and that means I need a long time to do that, moreover our taste to music is relevantly similar.











After all that, that gadget's gonna keep me busy for a couple of months and I also bought a leather protector for it...costs me RM 80 hmmphh, next I would look for a mini pouch-like over the waist or could attach to my arm bag to keep my iPod running while I run! ^^








Well guys, that's not all, I am now aiming for iPod iTouch pulaks, my company is running a writing contest with fabulous prizes, guess what, 5 iPod iTouch for grabs (though it's only 8GB, anyway it cost RM900+ per unit, so worth the effort) and 10 or more iPod Nanos for consolations. Strictly for employees only.

One of the reason why I have been busy too and previously I missed the last time they did a different contest which they gave away 5 iPhone!!! GODDAMN iPhone! On top of that, talk time / air time worth RM 450 included...sigh and I was not allowed as I am one of the employees...bleh, but I'mma not gonna let this happen again.







Oh iPods, iTouch, iPhone, come to mama...so what, call me freako or mama Apple.

Suggestion Needed

Everything around me and lives beside me are ever changing, no matter how remote they are to me in terms of time, space, relationship and level, I felt remorse and regretted, fully just because I was seemed so far away from them.



I was used to these kind of working environment, ever changing, ever moving, and at such time I was at the best of my work, at least not now.



The MD was offered a position in China, while he sent someone here from Canada, a lady, she looks nice and friendly, and news about some lateral movements involved, some got promoted, many resigned, monthly promos and etc.



I am the only one that was standing still in the middle, paused.




My boss, recently just lost her elder brother, he suffered from the cardiac arrest and didn't come back, just like...MJ.



By hearing the news, I too felt the loss, in my heart it was more than empty, and the urge of filling it back again, therefore I am seeking new hobby, to kill time, to get input, to fulfil and whatever that makes me feel better and happy again. I am not sure what is that hobby yet, so at the meantime I'll just stick to my PS2, games, HK series, anime and reading. Oh any happy book suggestion? All I have are horrors and sad stories, or haunted. I need something to cheer me up.




You could say I'm pretty pre-occupied with all the activities I'm having above, but it doesn't really cheer me up, 'cos I am doing that all the time, although the HK series made me laugh awhile. Maybe I am not that monotonous, as I thought I'd be, and yes may be I am but at dire times like this, I reacted differently and wanting new taste to bring back my 'old-self'.



So, any suggestion?

Disappearance

Sometimes somewhere in life, you just wanted to disappear, you wish to end your life now and then to start anew, hoping for the better in the new life. It's like you feel unfinished, undone, to end that you'd just choose to disappear.



I really experienced that, may be because I didn't know what to do anymore to my life, I was having difficulties making the next step, I felt empty and incomplete, like I was drowning though I could swim to the shore, I just didn't do it. I waited. Almost letting it go.



As a child who grew up in a orphanage home, things did not looked up as you would like it to, as in you're looking for hope or motivation, in fact hope, had to come from within yourself, you have to create hope for yourself, you have to look shiny and bright not only bring hope to yourself but to others as well.



I remembered my childhood ambition was to be a surgeon, brain surgeon, it's just a childhood dream, inspired by the TV series - E.R. but what makes me today clearly isn't any closer to brain surgeon, I discovered other potentials on the way. However, I always have the same intention for all my career, to help people, like a brain surgeon.



I'm not a person who is capable of diverting stress or problems into work, I've seen people work like no tomorrow just to get rid of the after-breakup, family problems and so on in order to move on. But I am not, I have to deal with it, solve it and then I am ready to move on, I know some problems might have to wait, a matter of time, and I couldn't cope at times.



It's ironic to see myself in the eyes of others that I am an independent person huh, I can't even manage my own stress, but nevertheless, I live. I realised the importance of my life doesn't make any sense to whosoever, but to myself alone, and there I thought I did, but then again, I never know, cause there is no one that comes to me and say 'Joe, I need you in my life or you are important to me' I just have to make hope to myself, giving me a reason to live, again and find the importance of life.