Daunting Life of a Dauntless Heart

Conservative or otherwise

2010-06-10T19:19:00.000-07:00

May be it's the adrenaline, or may be it's the urge that left me with a sleepless night yesterday. I just couldn't stop watching the TV and DVDs...

And this morning I was up, and right here I am writing this to the addition of the 3rd post for my Pride or prejudice label. It was about an incident happened about a week ago...quite funny.

"Hey, you going to the gym next week?" as I was talking to my Canadian friend and wanted to meet him after his workout.
"Yea sure, wanna meet for lunch?" he asked and I agreed to meet him up at the usual place, the gym lounge.

The day came and it was an early day for me and I also got off from work early, so I figured may be I could use one of the cafes there to go online, so I left my work place and headed to the meeting place.

I arrived an hour and a half early, but I totally changed my mind about having online at the cafe, so I took a stroll around the area, not many people at the hour, it just felt loose...

I walked pass the food court then I was standing in front of a tanning studio, staring at the monitor that previews all the almost-naked guys covered in towel and showing their tan, they looked happy, some even looked seductive, others might get that the shop's a house of whore or something.

Then I turned and there was a young woman (about my age I think) standing right in front of me, I looked at her at first, she smiled but I felt like she's grinning, and I realised I was blushing, I guessed she noticed me watching those slides at the monitor so I walked away, but she's still standing there.

I went into some comic stores and made it back to the tanning studio except I wasn't staring at the screen anymore, I took a seat at a nearby bench, and the young woman was sitting beside me. I didn't stand and walk this time, but I took out my Reader's Digest and continue from where I left...I was ignoring her, but I felt her eyes sort of, staring at me, intensely I guessed, caused I felt uneasy, irritated. And I knew she was smiling or grinning again, I didn't dare to lift my head up.

Eventually I didn't like the approach, so I put my book together and faced her, looked her into the eyes, and she put up a big smile almost a sincere one, then there's awkwardness in the air, surprised when she started to talk, I almost made up my mind to communicate with her using Sign Language.

"Hi...errr ar...are you waiting for someone?" she blurted.

"Uh huh, yea I am waiting for a friend" I replied.

"Oh, is your friend working here?" she asked and pointing at the gym center.

"Not really, he err...he is having his workout, yea at the gym" I replied politely.

"Ah ok" she noted and walked away without saying anything else. Just like that.

There's a lot went through my mind after that, did I made her leave by saying something wrong? Was it that I mentioned 'he' instead of 'she'? Or she failed to sell me something, may be a membership to the gym or some products, but obviously she's not carrying anything except a small handbag. I just didn't know what else to think off!

Honestly, how would she react when I said I was waiting for my boyfriend or my husband instead? Will that be more appropriate ya know, telling the truth or what? I bet she would probably did the same thing, stood and walked away, may be walk a bit faster this time.

And that's not the end, not the same story or the continuation, I was about to log off planetromeo yesterday when an 'exotic' guy from the 'exotic' land text me...

Mr. E: "Hi, you look cute, wanna have hot and wild sex with me?" came with several of his profile pictures, he didn't look half bad but...

Me: "Err, hello. Yea sure." eagerly waiting for his reply.

Mr. E: "Ok great here's my number 01x-xxxxxxx text me tomorrow, I am going to bed now"

Me: "Oh thanks and here's mine..."

He's like rushing somewhere, I know he's going to bed but at least we could chat a little longer...it's like he paged me in the hospital, "...on call room now!" or something like that...

Nevertheless, I did text him the first thing in the morning...

Me: "Hi...what time can we meet up and where do you live?"

Mr. E: "Morning Joe, what time you want me to meet you? Where to meet? My charges are RM150 please..."

Me: "You charge? What?! I didn't hire you, if it's free then you're welcome anytime!"

Mr. E: no reply....

After coming out from the shower, I text him again...

Me: "...be glad that I am not making a report about this, and if you would have come freely, I'm sure we would have hell of a great time..."

Mr. E: "...so sorry dude, my charges are fixed at RM150..."

Arghh what is wrong with you?! I created an account at planetromeo.com, a friendly gay community website not eBay!

I guessed pride really comes with a price huh? Don't you think?

Life's a movie

2010-06-10T06:59:00.000-07:00

I am still figuring out why I stopped writing a year ago, and suddenly I am writing again now. Nope, not about the nightmares, I don't have a stalker, I wasn't possessed or something, I just stopped...
Well, one thing I could be sure about writing again is to improve my writing skills which would enhance my interpreting and translating skills and technics in one way or another, all these which I mentioned at the beginning of my entry.
One year is a long time, for some people, many things could be accomplished in a year's time, well, for me, a year passed in a blink. What I accomplished? Whatever...

Just a brief walkthru of Jonah 2009 June to 2010 June...

June 2009 - began to feel bored of my job...
July 2009 - left McDonald's for a flexible job (Freelance Interpreter)
August 2009 - ended my long-distance relationship and coping (it was not exposed here >.<)
Sept 2009 - began adapting my flexible work time (the new job)
Oct 2009 - found a part time job at a music shop (long break from the interpreting job, oct-feb)
Nov 2009 - working like a dog in that shop...
Dec 2009 - moved up a few floors...literally
Jan 2010 - current - working, playing and most of the time men hunting...to be honest...

I guess I am desperately looking out, may be I am being naive or pathetic, asking is there still a soul who believes in fairy tales, happily-ever-after? It beats me, but I would like to keep that thought to myself, one thing I am reminded of that is, like my friend told me, he wouldn't believe a ghost until he sees a ghost, who knows, he might never see a real ghost till he went to his grave, right?
May be it's a lousy metaphor, you can't compare a ghost to love, most of the time we hear stories from people who's been in relationships, good or bad, or may be we see it with our eyes, during our best friend's wedding or photos.

Yesterday in the car, my mentor asked me a question, 'why did you broke up?'
I stuttered...my answer was obviously unclear, I hesitated, why did I?

I am not holding it, I already let go, I moved on, in fact my life is forwarding like every time you watch porns, you press forward to skip the boring parts, you get to the exciting parts, the main course.
I skipped a lot of boring parts...wondered if my life would become like a movie, you just watch the good parts, and trash the unwanted scenes, but in the other hand I might not be good at keeping it up, sooner or later.

However, I could not deny that the unwanted scenes or behind the scene parts are all that made up the good parts, there's no way I would've trash them, it's vital like the connecting veins in your body that make every organ functions, if you want to continue living.

So are you skipping the boring parts of your life? You need to watch the making of your life, sometime, to reassure...

Apple, Anyone?

2009-07-14T03:18:00.000-07:00

Have been god damn busy this month which I don't even realise we are now in July! As usual I have to do claims, scheduling, contact schools and so on...

Well, I never let business and job take over my leisure time ya know, still have to play hard when I am working hard.

Recently my friend from Singapore came back to his hometown for a week long holiday, to meet families, friends and sisters, that's me and the gang. So, he brought back his Limited Edition iPod Classic 160GB as I reminded him before, he promised me that he will pass it to me with the condition after he got his iPod iTouch 32GB, but that was like 3 months ago, and I was begging him to bring it with him. So he did...reluctantly.

Anyway, I was delighted that he didn't remove all his songs and videos, it would be a hassle for me to upload and arrange them again, and that means I need a long time to do that, moreover our taste to music is relevantly similar.

After all that, that gadget's gonna keep me busy for a couple of months and I also bought a leather protector for it...costs me RM 80 hmmphh, next I would look for a mini pouch-like over the waist or could attach to my arm bag to keep my iPod running while I run! ^^

Well guys, that's not all, I am now aiming for iPod iTouch pulaks, my company is running a writing contest with fabulous prizes, guess what, 5 iPod iTouch for grabs (though it's only 8GB, anyway it cost RM900+ per unit, so worth the effort) and 10 or more iPod Nanos for consolations. Strictly for employees only.

One of the reason why I have been busy too and previously I missed the last time they did a different contest which they gave away 5 iPhone!!! GODDAMN iPhone! On top of that, talk time / air time worth RM 450 included...sigh and I was not allowed as I am one of the employees...bleh, but I'mma not gonna let this happen again.

Oh iPods, iTouch, iPhone, come to mama...so what, call me freako or mama Apple.

Suggestion Needed

2009-07-02T23:27:00.000-07:00

Everything around me and lives beside me are ever changing, no matter how remote they are to me in terms of time, space, relationship and level, I felt remorse and regretted, fully just because I was seemed so far away from them.

I was used to these kind of working environment, ever changing, ever moving, and at such time I was at the best of my work, at least not now.

The MD was offered a position in China, while he sent someone here from Canada, a lady, she looks nice and friendly, and news about some lateral movements involved, some got promoted, many resigned, monthly promos and etc.

I am the only one that was standing still in the middle, paused.

My boss, recently just lost her elder brother, he suffered from the cardiac arrest and didn't come back, just like...MJ.

By hearing the news, I too felt the loss, in my heart it was more than empty, and the urge of filling it back again, therefore I am seeking new hobby, to kill time, to get input, to fulfil and whatever that makes me feel better and happy again. I am not sure what is that hobby yet, so at the meantime I'll just stick to my PS2, games, HK series, anime and reading. Oh any happy book suggestion? All I have are horrors and sad stories, or haunted. I need something to cheer me up.

You could say I'm pretty pre-occupied with all the activities I'm having above, but it doesn't really cheer me up, 'cos I am doing that all the time, although the HK series made me laugh awhile. Maybe I am not that monotonous, as I thought I'd be, and yes may be I am but at dire times like this, I reacted differently and wanting new taste to bring back my 'old-self'.

So, any suggestion?

Disappearance

2009-06-15T20:36:00.002-07:00

Sometimes somewhere in life, you just wanted to disappear, you wish to end your life now and then to start anew, hoping for the better in the new life. It's like you feel unfinished, undone, to end that you'd just choose to disappear.

I really experienced that, may be because I didn't know what to do anymore to my life, I was having difficulties making the next step, I felt empty and incomplete, like I was drowning though I could swim to the shore, I just didn't do it. I waited. Almost letting it go.

As a child who grew up in a orphanage home, things did not looked up as you would like it to, as in you're looking for hope or motivation, in fact hope, had to come from within yourself, you have to create hope for yourself, you have to look shiny and bright not only bring hope to yourself but to others as well.

I remembered my childhood ambition was to be a surgeon, brain surgeon, it's just a childhood dream, inspired by the TV series - E.R. but what makes me today clearly isn't any closer to brain surgeon, I discovered other potentials on the way. However, I always have the same intention for all my career, to help people, like a brain surgeon.

I'm not a person who is capable of diverting stress or problems into work, I've seen people work like no tomorrow just to get rid of the after-breakup, family problems and so on in order to move on. But I am not, I have to deal with it, solve it and then I am ready to move on, I know some problems might have to wait, a matter of time, and I couldn't cope at times.

It's ironic to see myself in the eyes of others that I am an independent person huh, I can't even manage my own stress, but nevertheless, I live. I realised the importance of my life doesn't make any sense to whosoever, but to myself alone, and there I thought I did, but then again, I never know, cause there is no one that comes to me and say 'Joe, I need you in my life or you are important to me' I just have to make hope to myself, giving me a reason to live, again and find the importance of life.

The Dauntless Heart It Shall Be

2009-06-12T01:33:00.002-07:00

I will make myself pop instead, this will be the new me, no more day dreaming and no more talking to myself.

You would be thinking what medicine did I take to recover that fast and effective?

Well, one thing, life's suck and life's tough, deal with it and move on, I need to live and eat to keep myself alive to see the world being consumed day by day and consequently as I've come to my senses that, I'm older each day.

The other thing is, thanks to Meredith Grey and the other interns, I am now stuck with them every night, racing episodes each night, just finished Season 2, moving into Season 3 tonight.

The point is, I always find something to read or watch to overcome my 'sickness', be it a lousy book or draggy series, I just watch and absorb, and I process it and digest it down, it helps and it may not help.

Now don't start with the stories, I know for sure you guys had already watch Grey's Anatomy long ago, for me it's just the beginning, and yes it makes me cry and laugh unstoppable in front of the TV and made me looked like an idiot, if my housemate was around.

And what makes me better is, each episode taught me something, be it teaching me to be bold, be courageous, be sensitive, be positive or be spontaneous, I came to realise of what was wrong in my life and work. So what life's an ass or reality rules, I chose to move on.

No Pain No Gain!

2009-06-10T02:57:00.002-07:00

It was my belated birthday treat from my sister / colleague a.k.a Bountiful Bel, She treated me to a free massage session at the True Spa at Jaya 33 yesterday, it was a pain enduring training session for me, and it was my first, I've never try massage, not even a foot massage. Not that I'm a coward or have foot sore but I just don't fancy, but I like to give massage with a little knowledge of a few kind...but not Shiatsu.

I was not paying any attention to my sis when she was talking to me while booking the retreat for both of us:

Bel: Hey brader, I book massage har, *then continue talking softly to the receptionist in the phone 'ah yes, Shiatsu for him please...'

Me: Huh? You called me sis? A what?! Shiatsu! Oh...Ok, if that's what I am getting as my birthday present...

I have zero knowledge and info about Shiatsu Massage, all I know was it is for people with low sex drive life or their sex life has 'died', no more 'spark'. Don't ask me, I don't even know where I read that or may be I watched it on tele. Lol.

Thai Masseuse: Mister, please take off clothes but leave only underwear, only 1, underwear don't take...

Me: *ok...I would probably know even you didn't tell me, although I have not done Shiatsu...

I could not express more, in words about the pain I went through, gawd, I thought it was suppose to feel like a great sex, no?

I tell you, don't judge the book by its cover, the tiny and short Thai Masseuse is not for play, once I got myself 'almost' naked and lied down as to be ready to receive the treatment, she placed some towels on my back and lower.

'Hiyaa' she jumped on my back and start pulling my muscles and pressing on my back...

Well, she's short but she's not Lucy Liu in Charlie Angels, she was gentle at first, by starting off with her palms pressing gently from my foot, leg and then up to my spine and neck and then she started to apply more pressure, the more the pressure the louder I gasped and almost sounded like I was mourning, I was going through the extreme pain.

When she started to change position and re-locate my legs so they are wider for her to climb on me, I was starting to have 'uneasy' feelings, I made cranky sounds and I farted when she was on top of me...opps 'I'm sorry' and she laughed a bit.

At certain points on my spine where she used her elbows to apply pressure, and not only that, she also rubbing it at the same time, making it a burning sensation, I could feel the exact point was smoldering and dissolving entirely but slowly, spreading. It's like you drop a soluble aspirin into a glass of water. I screamed with my mouth opened widely enough to take in the whole chicken thigh, with my face down but no voice from my throat knowing that Bountiful Bel who's having deep skin massage next to me, would be shocked or become traumatic of what happened to me, and with that I decided I would endure the whole session with silence and deal with it. However, I know it's was meant to do good for my health.

Well, it was a great massage, indeed, like having a great sex, a little better than the one you had after a long break. I slept like a baby next to Bel while she did her reading at my home.

Before this, I was suffering from some sort of depression or I-don't-know-what-it's-called sickness, where and when you don't know what you were / are doing in your life period, I have that once in awhile, I lost focus on work / relationship / life / routine. That happened when my mother came back from The States. You tell me, I should be happy, right? Supposedly.

I didn't know what to do, I don't know what my job scopes are anymore, my schedule was a mess, workloads piling, agendas screwed up, I can't handle situations. I just....just stare into the emptiness, blank, like I was sucked into the black hole, my entire life.

I know it had nothing to do with my mother returning for the hols, or she got her green card, I just can't find the source, I went nuts, I stared at ceilings for hours, at times I thought I had mental disorder, and I would be thinking about the many-things in life, I almost lost myself.

My performance began to slide from the month of May and just about last week, I began to pick up again, had a meeting with boss and Ronald, of 'cos get serious attention, suggestions, and warnings. It seriously affected my review next month.

May be it was habit, may be it wasn't, I do not need to be pushed everytime I got stuck or I am afraid to move, I get up, take a deep breath and charge forward, using different approaches. I should be that.

Memories flashing backwards, episodes of life repeating in my head, my mother would ask me again and again, would I go back to the normal life? What!? I am not normal? We can't be normal for who we are? No! I get to choose how I want to live...

Bel: You are among the few of my friends that show different-ness, you came out of the closet but you still practise closet, what for? Your mom knows and you should make it a point, be famous, be fabulous and proof what you're doing is successful and you'll never regret it, Joe. Look at your shelves, not one happy ending or funny novel, you should get a laugh-out-loud story, it's essential in your life, I want to see you smile and hear you laugh again, Joe.

Me: ...and I shall do that, for me and, for us.

A Cook Blog

2009-05-27T11:07:00.002-07:00

Basically the reason of creating the new blog, which probably will come with the name 'fein-kuchyne.blogspot.com' which means 'fine cuisine' has to do with the interest of my godmom, her son and myself, we love cooking, baking and make up new recipes. So the decision was set and we are in the midst of creating a new header and of cause start posting!

It will be mostly about cooking and new recipes, but I will also share some of my own experiences about restaurants that serve fantastic foods or drinks.

So look out for the news update here about when is the blog ready for viewing and please log on to fein-kuchyne.blogspot.com for who knows you might need to cook a lovely meal for your love someday! Ciao~

My First Company Getaway...

2009-05-25T11:06:00.002-07:00

...yes, after so many deferral we got to enjoy the fruits of our harvest, last years hard works finally paid off, although it came a bit late, by the time they announced the trip and double confirmed the venue, accommodation and flights, many had either dropped out, reluctant or opt for a personal trip, rather some said. Initially, we were offered 3 destinations: 1) Perth (You would think, 'yeah, I know it's a 3 day 2 night company trip, you get to breath the fresh air of Australia and the next thing you know, you're boarding the returning flight', but we still have high hope for it like we don't care as long as we get the highest vote for Perth) and 2) Manila (Eeww who would want to be there, that's the responses we've got) and the last 3) Hanoi (We had the 2ND highest votes for this, as we think it would be plan B if we didn't make it to Australia). So, the MD stepped up on the podium during our Annual Dinner and announced the winning destination, Hanoi! Here we go...

This was not the hotel we stayed in Hanoi instead the 5 star hotel in Bangkok, and it is located in the heart of Bangkok, just 10 min walk to MBK the famous shopping paradise in Bangkok.

How it turned out to be Bangkok? We didn't board the wrong flight or the pilot needed to pee and landed in Bangkok but what happened after the announcement, a few issue arises and needed urgent attention and the trip was postponed, we were fine with that, later another issue came up, Hanoi is apparently not a suitable venue with certain reasons: 1) AirAsia only schedule 1 flight per day to Hanoi and could not cater to our need of carrying more than 350 people in 1 flight. 2) The hotel in Hanoi cannot accommodate the number of people too 3) We already paid the deposits and made arrangements.

The only solution to such problem not only change flight, but change venue to a more practical and cheaper venue, so there is Bangkok.

I think staying in the 5 star hotel was the compensation to our disappointment, but then again it could be other reason.

Nevertheless, I still have to blog and brag about it LOL. We could find other excitement in Bangkok too, first let's marvel at the new 5 star VIE Hotel huh...

Now we look into my room and let's see what we've got...

How about the view from my room window?

Oh I forgot about something, I noticed there were some landscapes at the entrance of the hotel which really captured me and I like it the most from what the hotel featured. Take a look.

The plants were rooted in the wall, beautifully and stunning.

Upon arrival we were given a brief time to check into our room and refresh, and meet at the lobby where all of us got into 2 coaches to go to Chaophraya River for our dinner on the cruise.

A Thai dancer performing as the mark of welcoming the guests on board and the opening of our dinner.

After the so-so dinner buffet, I went up to the open deck to snap some scenery, they didn't turn out good due the cloudy and drizzling weather, so I didn't post them here. It was an exhausting night, the minute I got into my room, I just dropped dead...

I went to MBK the next day with my boss and colleagues, as we were entering the mall, I smelt incense burning and joss sticks on the altar, many worshipper were busy mumbling and praying to the Gods, I was not sure what name are the Gods but among them were the Elephant God, the one with four faces and one with many arms...

Well I managed to snapped a few before got chased by the security guard.

After a long and hustle shopping like a shopaholic, we finally settled down and headed back to our hotel to get ourselves cleaned up and proceed to the next agenda which I never regret going and it was a memorable one in my life.

We watched 'The Miracle of Siam', it was spectacular and amazing, every bit of it was perfectly done. It's totally exceptional and we were all in awe too, we didn't even know there was a water river on stage until an actor jumped into it and took a bath, in addition, a monk on a boat came into screen on the water and blessing the villagers, I can't literally explain unless you experience it yourself. It was just unexpected. A definitely must see show in Thailand.

Before we enter the theatre, we were guided to a huge dining hall where we had our dinner buffet, which was a satisfactory, the tom yam kung and noddle soup were prepared on the spot and everything's delicious and fresh.

After the dinner, the guide lead us to the Thai Village, where we got to know the hill tribe people, their lifestyles and some of their delicacies which was very unique.

It was said that every house in the hill hang this fishes made from dried leaves bring good fortune and wealth, it is an auspicious sign.

After the tour, it was show time, so we got to our seat and enjoy the show. You have to watch the show yourself in order to get what I meant, I can' explain it here. No words could describe the awesome-ness. Hmmm after the show, you just feel sleepy watching this little one, they have it around the hall outside...how sweet.

Photo Slides from HK Trip

2009-05-25T04:07:00.002-07:00

Finally, I put everything into slides, yeah and I knew it was a quarter (3 months) ago, I guess everything will explained through these photos. Need no explainations. And with that amount or number of photos, it took me hours just to pick, insert and make into slides, although it's not hard, but it pained my eyes, I am still giddy after done. Anyway, hope you enjoy watching them. Happy Viewing!

Passion for the dream job

2009-05-22T03:09:00.000-07:00

It is a 'passion' I started picking up again recently as it was where I dropped it temporarily last time, the Sign Language. It was like a reunion for me to re-join the group at Level 2 class which held every once a week on Thursday, 7 PM - 9 PM at the Young Men Christian Association (YMCA, Brickfields).

Before I proceed, I'd like to explain a little bit of how and when I got myself into the world of the Deaf. I also did mentioned them before in my older posts that I have passion for the Deaf, especially the language they use to communicate, the Sign Language.

My first encounter with the Sign Language was more than 5 years ago where I worked in a McDonald's outlet in Penang, when I have to use hand signs and body language to communicate to my Crew Leader, he was the person-in-charge of the kitchen, quality and quantity of the products were under his control during his shift.

Slowly and gradually I was 'lured' in or attracted to its beauty, the language of communication. I would ask him a few words a day, or everytime I met him during my shift, and from then I've always look forward to work in the same shift as his. He would patiently teach me the correct signing, the placing of the hands in order to show / perfect certain signs. But he was very strict in his work, no one got pass him with an extra packet of chili, sometimes he could notice you stealing burger or a drumstick from the waste bin from far and throw things at you in order to get your attention, or make noise so he could talk to you.

It was him that aroused my interest and love towards Sign Language, he brought me to the association's AGM one day, I dropped my jaw and didn't even blink my eyes, I only see signs and hear silence in the conference room. That was amazing, I said to myself.

From there, I began to pick up the Sign Language myself without the help of an instructor or teacher, I learned from the Deaf, I would follow them to their regular activities and then wait at the favorite meeting point (usually a hawker stall or food court) after the activity, to chat that was.

At the beginning, I was the only hearing person in the crowd, my eyes were just rolling, up and down, then left and right seeing them responding to each other's commands, it's a scene for me! Even I don't understand a single sign. Then after a few meetings where I got a bit more acquainted to them, I would budge in or cut in and stop their signing, then I would ask them what were the signs meant, and I would jot it down, they were curious at first, probably thinking I was a weirdo, but they saw my perseverance and hard-working, they willingly offer classes to me and even 1-to-1 class to teach me Sign Language, some offered me some books on Sign Language.

So I began my work, contribution and commitment to the Deaf society, I socialize with them practically everyday, I didn't get tired of it, I even wanted a Deaf partner that time! I remembered one time I signed the whole night, just plain signing with a bunch of Deaf and we were laughing and enjoying the 'chat'.

When I walked into the class room in YMCA, that day, immediately it brought me back when and where I was learning like the beginning, it just happened in the same room, but it was much quieter now, the students and the teacher were no where in sight! I went back downstairs to check the schedule and re-checked with the receptionist again, it was correct, the class commercing at 7:00 PM. Then I walked out and waited outside hoping to see someone I knew.

There, the YMCA Laundry remains, fully owned by a Deaf and runs by the Deaf as well, I stepped in and waved 'Hi' to the lady worker, who didn't realise until I told her that I've worked here before with the teacher who's being late for class today. We were laughing and a hearing couple came in, handing her a windbreaker, wanting a dry wash for it, the Deaf lady took a look at it and look at the customer again and shook her head, and she was signing 'The machine is not working, it was broken...', the hearing couple found difficulty understanding her signs, then I politely talked by their side and explain the situation to them, apparently the shop hasn't found any man to fix the machine because there weren't any man nearby who knows how to fix the machine, so the worker told them to go look for other laundry shop, after apologising to them and seeing them walking out the laundry shop, I saw my teacher shouldered in between the couple and she saw me.

Teacher: Hey Joe! What're you doing here?

Me: Waiting for you, I thought the class starts at 7?

Teacher: Yes, sorry I was late.

So there we were distributed some papers and a booklet what seems like a thin text book to me. And I was browsing the assignments:

Assignment #1: Deaf Event, I have to attend at least 3 Deaf events, preferably not organized by YMCA, and at least 1/3 of the crowd is Deaf.

Assignment #2: Book / Movie Review, of cause it must be related to Deaf culture / society / awareness and so on...

Teacher: Ok, before we start, shall we introduce ourselves, start from Joe.

Me: Hi, my name is Joe and the sign is 'JO' and I am working in the Head Office of McDonald's...

Before I could finish...

Teacher: Alright, since you're the only male in the class, I should inform you guys about another thing about becoming an Interpreter, there are many male Interpreter in the world, most of them are either gay or, married to a Deaf wife. So what are you?

It was like I was struck by a frozen sharp razor, I wanted to turn and face the walls but I couldn't. With the tiny boldness I had, I swallowed and answered 'Yes...I am gay.'

Teacher: Really?! I knew it from the beginning ahahaha.

The rest were whispering, though they were only 5 of them.

However, there were no concrete facts that says gays like to be Sign Language Interpreter or gays are more eligible, dominant or capable in interpreting jobs, all I am saying is, Interpreter is a unique occupation, it's rare and it is in fact a highly paid career, and not for the soft hearted, as Interpreters need to work, sometimes very long hours, stressful situations and preferably a versatile person who would be able to switch in order to suit in the situation or vice versa.

When we were discussing the 3rd Assignment, the teacher suggested to me to cover a topic about Gay and Lesbian Deaf which interests me, I have thought of that but it is just too much of the effort to find out how many gays in the Deaf society especially in Malaysia. There are, I mean but they are more towards closeted ones, conservative and scared. It's a bit tough to conduct interview with them as Deaf are sensitive on certain issues than the hearings do. The rest of the assignments are not that hard to complete and we have about 2 months before submission which is great.

As I walked down the street towards KL Sentral after the class, part of my mind was heavy and part of it was light, a mixture of feelings, like happy yet sad. I had trouble figuring out what was I doing. I guess I just have to move forward, towards my dream.

All in a day's work...

2009-05-09T11:07:00.002-07:00

I thought I am going to spend the empty day alone, staying up late in bed and lie down again to go back to sleep, when suddenly "...please don't stop the music, music, music..." I grumbled as I answered the call, this was supposed to be a beautiful day for my pay-back beauty sleep...and moreover I hardly get sat-off, just because some idiots called off my shows in Melacca...

Me: Yello...*yawns

Sydney: Hey Joe! uhmm u got a min?

Me: Not if I go back to sleep, what's up?

Although Sydney has been my friend and classmate for more than 10 years, there were times we lost contact / communication, we went our separate ways, and he was in UK as well. When he came back to Malaysia a few years ago, we bumped into each other and that's how we are re-connecting back, well almost, as he is still a bit far from me though, he's working for Jefferson (Head Office in Penang) and I am working in KL. Both of us travel a lot for our work, making it difficult for us to meet up even for a cuppa...

Sydney: I am in need of an extra hand, for my show!

Me: Woah...hold on, I could lend you both if you don't mind if you tell me what show is that you're doing? And I don't illegal and hanky-panky stuffs ya know...

Sydney: NO lar! My fashion show!

Me: When did you become a model, I thought you still with LV?

Sydney: I don't have time for this, Joe, please come, see you at 2 PM.

So, by the time I hang up it's already quarter past 1 PM...what say you? I mandi kerbau lar! Luckily I put on a shirt before going out.

Sydney: Ohh gosh! Thank god for you, you are here...Marrrrrrrrry! Come! Please teach my friend, Joe to put the clothes according to the models' name...

That took another 1 hour or so, then finally everything was done, we pushed the hangers to the lift and then go behind the stage, into a backstage room, full of smoldering male models, my eyes were not blinking, but staring and screening through every bodies in there.

Sydney: Joe, your job here is to dress and undress them *pointing towards the models

Oh! Don't forget to double check them before they go out. Make sure they're wearing

correct suits and pants, according to the numbering.

The first round was smart casual, with a tee and a jacket or coat and all long pants...wait a minute, something was wrong with model number 3! His long pants and long sleeves was still hanging on the hanger, gawd! I immediately call out for Sydney, luckily the model hadn't went on stage yet, so I managed to rush the whole undressing and change into the correct pairs for him and then wowla, and let the show begin...correctly at the least I could do, Sydney was so thankful and grateful I was there.

There were 8 male models, and there were only 3 of us to handle them, sounded unfair, but somehow I was wishing for more at that time, what was I thinking, I was grinning all the time, that was so not me, so desperate! So pervert! But I was acting cool all the time, mind you, I don't even smile back when the model smiled at me.

Coordinator: Ivan! IVAN! It's your turn, where are you?!

Me: Ok ok go go it's your turn.

I am bad at names, couldn't remember whose pants I undid or whose fly I unzipped, but I remembered Ivan's, lol. He was doing the buttons on his shirt, and while waiting for him, I helped undo his jeans, pulled down the zip, but got stuck on the belt, I couldn't unleash the belt, suddenly I felt embarrassed, I was blushing, geez moreover that part was so hairy too, i almost hurt him by pulling his hair, ya know the hair that grows on the part between your pubic and on stomach, I don't know what to call that particular area. And they grow like a line leading from stomach to the pubic region.

Me: uhm..uh, hey Ivan I think you do it yourself...I..I get you your next...shorts.

He didn't say a word, didn't even look at me...just busy doing his....buttons...

So after a few round, it was finally reaching the end of the show and all of the models are to walk for a last round, we got extra time to tidy things up a bit, check and double check the outfits, the colours mixing and matching, sleeves, collars and so on. I was checking on Ivan, and he was sweating like a pig I tell you! Rubbing and wiping off sweats on his cheeks, sides and forehead, and he suddenly stared at me...'Erm...it's my turn now...thanks a lot'.

You probably have guessed and got excited about the job, get to look at naked men dressing and not only that, you get to undress them, you get the whole package there, but sadly to say this, you really don't have time to look at their dick ok, it was so time consuming and hustle, you don't even have time to pee.

You will be worrying about their clothes, the colour matches, was it the right belt or shoe, unbutton or button, tuck in or out, things like that.

By the end of the day, me and Sydney were exhausted, and we walked over to Pavillion and had a tasty-filling dinner of Sambal Petai and Nasi Lemak at Mdm. Kwan's. Hmmm irresistible.

After that late dinner, we went to a sauna nearby to have a nice stress-release lol. Didn't think I would ever enter that place again, well, who cares? It's just a retreat anyway...

Love is confusing... (Part 7)

2009-05-03T20:53:00.000-07:00

The message of LOVE

What is love to me seems to be a little bit different from what people think of it nowadays, I really want to know, just out of 10 guys, how many believe in true love, need not mention everlasting love or lifetime companionship but just the belief of relationship.

I know love is complicating, in fact love is almost everything including the negatives like, jealousy, hatred, selfishness, conservativeness, over-protecting, misunderstanding and the list goes on endlessly.

With the technology today, long-distance relationship is no exception in prolonging love, be it thru MSN, Skype, Emails, 3G, Edge, Voice Mails and whatever that keeps us contacting to the ones we love. And I know sometimes, with all these advanced devices, we still could see laggy visuals, deformed images of our partner showing thru the tiny screen in our phones, really frustrating huh. But yet it doesn't fail us from constant communication and endurance.

Another thing about love I want to share here is - kiasu, as in Hokkien it means 'afraid of losing' or 'I don't want to be a loser'. How does this implied in relationships. If you look closer, it is not about jealousy, quite close though. It is the same idea of having the things that other / your friends' having, for instance, fashion trend, you just can't stand just because your friend's wearing the new collection of Jaspal or Thomas Pink; everyone changing their phone for i-Phone and so on. You couldn't bear the feeling or thought of not having a boyfriend, you hate losing, you expect your bf would do not only the same as your friend's bf but more than what he did, you are comparing your bf with other friend's bf. In the other hand you couldn't care less about yourself. And that's love!

I believe in love knows no boundaries, it will go as high as the sky and as deep as the sea, you could run away from it but you could never hide from it...and ironically "Isn't love just a game.."

The Past (Part 1.2)

2009-04-07T03:41:00.002-07:00

I've been reading some other blogs lately, came across one of them which he posted a YouTube clip of a Sign Language Interpreter signing 'womanizer', a hunk too! Very intriguing as the author wrote, yes indeed, I've never seen such powerful message and the signs were beautifully showed in expressions and dances, even though I was an interpreter last time. I would never achieve that...

The point is, it made me pondered back those days, where I was living in the The Salvation Army where we would have wolves hunting their predators...which sign language, body language and expressions were used to communicate...even in the dark.

Straight to the point, they would not come for me wanting other than sex, i remembered the gaze, the stare, the wink, fingers luring me into an empty room, the rubbing between bodies, the absolutely predictable and cunning smile when looking back at me and etc.

Many words sometimes could be expressed by other languages, I am already feel 'numb' to all these languages, I only know how to obey orders, take orders like a dog. Living in a two face personalities, lying and hiding were the lifestyles those days...

Still remembered there's one time where we do not have electricity supply; the whole hostel was in dark, and we still managed to sneak out of the room safely and find place for a release, or how we snuggled together covered in blanket to hide our presence when the guardian came to check our room.

As I am writing this, I am watching MILK, it is very inspiring and moving, I wondered I would have that great courage to stand up for my own rights, or even my pride, somehow, I would rather face it or fight it than dying in my own shame, my humiliation for the same kind and my regrets.

Lastly, I should say, just remain who you are, don't try to become anyone other than yourself unless you're an actor lol. I have left that two face world a long time ago, that was like the times before MILK, closeted people, I had came out, how 'bout you?

'Qing Min' Day - 清明节

2009-04-04T01:40:00.002-07:00

Auspiciously it is a day of 'cleaning' the grave and worship the deceased, be them our ancestors, distant or closed relatives and closed ones. Mostly Buddhist Chinese who will wake up very early in the morning to go to the cemetery which located in the furthest rural area of the state, my grandfather was cremated and he was placed in the Pokok Sena, in Hokkien we called the place 'Gor Pak Long' which means 500 yards, logically it is known as Alor Setar Chinese Cemetery, 亚罗士打山庄.

My mom woke me up at 6 o'clock today, I was lazy though but I know it is my responsibility, my deceased cousin Siang who was my senior is to be worshipped by juniors of the family only, the elder and whosoever is older than him should not worship or even buy things for him like paying for the flowers or even prohibited from buying hell money for him. So that left me, and the other much younger cousins.

We got up and get washed, get the food ready, the tea for worship, papers for burning, including the hell money, paper clothing, paper shoes, jossticks, red candles, a lot of roast pork, some dish with rice and my grandfather's favorite - Nescafe 'O' gao (thick).

After gathering the goods and foods, we headed off to the destination, we have a lot of 'person' to visit for the day. A total of 3 places we have to go.

The first we went to our great great grand father's tomb...am sorry it was his grave, we were placing some old newspapers in front of his grave stone and burning some red colored candles, food, tea and alcohol was placed there too, and we even placed many small and colored paper on his grave with a jossticks firmly stood on it to prevent it from flying. After the preparations, I then lighted a bunch of jossticks and passed everyone present, 3 sticks each to pay their respect and place them in the rusted tin with sand in it. For awhile later I held 2 coins in my palms, facing each other, shakes a bit and then dropped to the floor in front of the grave stone which has a name together indicating the surname and the person's hierarchy in the family. The first round had already proved that my gggrandfather has finished his meal, by looking at the coins, one up and the other down. If 2 facing down = not finish, If 2 facing up = laugh / happy / doesn't mean he had finish his meal though.

After nodding to my aunt as to indicate, she quickly cleaned and kept the food into the plastic bag and washed the cups with the water we brought along. After that we feasted on the 'siew bak' roast pork before we keep the rest to take home. And we drank some Nescafe before we moved on to the other place.

At our grandfather's slot (he was cremated and placed in a porcelain urn and inside a small slot where a small photo of my grandfather and name are displayed on, and which I believed my uncles bought it for RM 3,300.00 which is written on the other end of the slots the same level as my grandfather's), there's long tables in front of the displays and a sign telling 'No offerings beyond this point' hanging at the wall beside.

After placing the food and Nescafe 'O' gao, we had a long wait, a lot of people were crowding the place, there's people on the road, people at the cremating area, people at the temple beside, people beside us, left and right. And smells of everything, we even smelt the king of fruits, somebody brought it and served it as an offering to their 'loved' one I guessed.

Finally when we got the approval from grandfather, my cousins brought the 'papers' to burning area where they placed it to burn for grandfather. And then done the cleaning and on the road again to our last destination, the Alor Setar Siam Temple.

The last venue, where my cousin Siang has been placing there, is the only one we did things on our own, without adult or elders' supervision, we received orders and advice, but we would still get the temple's advice ourselves, it's for the best, and we enjoy doing it...although we have to endure the heat when we burn the papers, imagine you are in the heat with others, the heat from the fire, weather and the flying hot ashes towards your face and made you stink like a overcooked / over roasted pork.

Even cousin Siang agreed with us, when I was thinking to myself after both the coins turned up, and then one up and one down the second time, the siam monk chanted at cousin's altar then we keep the remaining food into the container and was ready to head home.

We took the papers outside where the burning area is, it was piled with mountains of ashes and they were flying in every direction, we fan away the ashes with our hands trying to get in and secure a corner to burn the papers to cousin. Every clothing has cousin's full name on it, I guessed it would be easier for him to recognize his since there will be too many clothes burning down tonight, after pouring the coffee on the piles indicating the end of the burning, we headed home exhausted and looking forward to a nice cold bath, on the way back we went to Tesco which is not far from my grandmother's house, to get some lemongrass and prawns to cook a sour and sweet Tomyam for dinner.

Reunion

2009-03-31T08:22:00.002-07:00

In 1 day time, my mom will be touching down the ground of Malaysia for the first time after she's been in US for 10 years! This August would be her 11th year there! I can't imagine that myself! it's been that long...where, what, when, who, how and etc in my mind...
And am yet to get my HK photos from my friend, I wasn't able to make time to meet him darn...
She's arriving at 2210 on 2nd April...in order for her to save time, I've booked her the first flight the next day at 0715 back to Alor Setar, my hometown, so that means we have about 7 hours nothing to do in the airport, well we sure have a lot of catching up to do, I think we will just chat till the sun rises the next day.
"Ah Boy, got any place to eat anot in airport or outside?" my mother asked... "...Airport canteen lo, or you want KFC or McDonald's? but I would prefer accompany you, I having McD phobia..." I commented.
Anyway, I was thinking about local food, but I hadn't have any idea where to get that in the middle of the night unless we are heading to KL, but that's not ideal.
Guess we have to take canteen food or the kopitiam in LCCT. Worst...McDonald's...sigh...
My mom had bought 2 pairs of sports shoes with some shirts and a couple of fictions that she had read and some new Stephen Kings for me...and more chocolates to make me fat!
hmmm...have to save up some energy to carry my mom's luggage...
So looking forward to it..."Mom, finally we are reunited again..."

Mickey, I love you!

2009-03-27T02:20:00.000-07:00

I just got back from Hong Kong, I could say I enjoyed most of the time there, however the weather was not that happy, the streets were always moody and the sky was always misty, quite cold, it was all the while below 20 degree when I was there. I have always hate the cold so I guess I should plan to go again, in summer next year. :)
Anyway that was that, I have posted some of the photos at the bottom of the sidebar, still more to come as many of my photos is in my friend's camera.

You know where I was heading, right? LoL.

More details coming up from day 1 to day 6....keep in touch!

Calling All Dog-Lovers

2009-03-18T08:58:00.002-07:00

Took a day off today just to pack and prepare for my ever first trip to oversea - Hong Kong oh and my appointment for my facial treatment, and at the same time hook up with a friend for a movie titled "Marley and Me". I was waken up by Britney Spears this morning "It's Britney, bitch..." ya I know! You were singing to me whole night! ~~gimme gimme more... while taking ma shower.

After a refreshing treatment, met up with my friend and had my lunch at the Ikea Cafe, Chicken with Herbs gravy, distastefully as it sounded, soggy potatoes, chewy sliced carrots and hard expired meat...the slice of cookie cake my friend was having seems to be better than my lunch. Hmmm will try the meatballs next time. I like meatballs lol.

After meal we walked to Cineleisure and got the tickets, it was quite chilly though not many people were there although it was the movie day, as I remembered it's always packed with people even though it's a working day, I wondered if they even took half day to get the discounted tickets.

Anyway, it was still 30 min early, so we sat on the sofas just outside the entrance and were watching the thrillers on screen and chatting away, "Hey look! Confession of a Shopaholic! Must watch!" my friend informing, yeah it's practically meant for gay people like us lol. Is it a myth or a fact that gay people actually love shopping more than a straight girl? I'll leave it to you to answer that.

So, it's our turn to go in, and we grabbed out seat and the story began... go watch it yourself I'm not gonna tell you the whole story!

It's really a moving and inspiring story, my tears just rolled down at the end of the story. It reminds me of my dog, Sammi a pekingese crossbreed. Although the story is mainly about their relationship and partly about the dog but it is about becoming a family, bringing everything together including Marley, he really plays a big part of it, and I was hoping they show more about Marley, it was Marley that bring 2 of them closer and starting a family.

I would like to own a dog someday with my partner, well if I have a partner so he could watch over when I am traveling for work.

After the show, we walked across to Ikea again, just wandering around the place when we spotted the Popular Book Sales fair, and guess what I found a book, very cheap! Both of us bought it, only for RM 8! lol

It's a best-seller anyway, and it is worth buying as it will inspire me more to help the underprivileged children out there. So go get yourself a copy will ya?

And so that's the end of my great day, I will be flying to HK tomorrow and will resume my writing after I come back.

Irresponsible or too heavy?

2009-03-09T12:24:00.002-07:00

Just came back from Kota Bharu, had a great show in the orphanage but the trip was not so great, in fact feeling angry and pissed off, by the act of ignorant and brainless staffs. Not long ago, let me think, just 2 and a half weeks ago, MAS came to my house to present me the brand new luggage, it wasn't the color I wanted but I think they know how to please their regular flyer, they chose my favorite color, green. Saying that there was no black color and green was the only color the shop has. Fine, I accepted it, considered apology accepted as it also took them 4 months to get the luggage.

This was just the second trip I am using this brand new green luggage, as we travel, we have a lot of props to bring along, so we always have a huge luggage, not that we are taking the policies of the airline for granted but it is really not excess baggage, we had have always bring the same size and weights for all our domestic travelling, wonder why these is happening recently.

To be precise, this is the fourth time they broke the bag, it's like an enormous strength had crushed it, the first time, the side locked was broken and it was sent for repair, second time not only the lock, but there was a big opening, almost showing the contents inside and dropping out, the third time I had to use the duct tape when returning to prevent the bag from opening.

Do you think it was done by the same guy? Is the guy hate me that much? Gawd! I have never been treated that bad, not anyone I know or knew in MAS particularly...

I always check my bags in KL Sentral, at least I don't have to rush when I get to the KLIA or I don't need to queue up with the long line there. So I suspected the bag probably was broken in KL Sentral, this time I took some pictures, they even wrapped it up after they broke it, when I saw my bag coming out and running on the belt, I knew my bag was broken...damn it!

The moment I got it, I rush it to the MAS office, like rushing to the hospital or ICU, only it was with anger and frustrated, almost hit a man on the way to the office...

They examined it and wrote a report, didn't take any picture, they just need to file the report then they will get back to me and blah blah blah... yeah I know the procedures, I used to it now, the 3rd time already! And I have to wait another 4 months to get the bag back!

What a nuisance! I will write directly to the office and on the website... this is ridiculous and tedious, I am wasting my time, my money and my strength.

A relief

2009-03-05T04:47:00.002-08:00

I was just leaving the office yesterday evening, after reading some blogs, my cousin called when I was in the bus and on the way home, usually when she calls it means something bad had happened, no wonder my left eye lid was jumping that morning, she broke the news that my grandma was admitted to the hospital and was kinda in critical condition, she had a stroke, it was a near death situation, and she can't speak properly, apparently when she want to say something the brain didn't function properly, that makes her mumble words and unclear, I heard from my cousin that her tongue was rolling back that time and couldn't speak too, it was a sign of a stroke I heard that before.
Later the next morning, my mom called, just before she called I dreamt that I took the phone and call my mom who is still in US, worrying that she was the only one that was unaware of the situation I just picked that phone and call her but it was a dream, I don't call her usually due the costly distance call charges and moreover she insists she will call always, so when I told her about grandma, both of us almost broke down in tears, I wasn't able to speak normally when I answered her, shortly after I spoke to her, she called my uncle to know more about the situation, praise the Lord that my grandma survived the stroke when my mom called me back to update me about grandma's condition, she was ready to be discharged today, it was really a near death experience for her, must be...when I call her sometimes and asked how was her, she always answered "same old, waiting for death to come, I'm too old for anything and am a burden to the family..." she said reluctantly. "It's not like that, you'll live long to see your grandchildren grow up and be a good citizen..." I told her.
Besides my mom, she is the only family I had have and I just told her during my visit last January during Chinese New Year, I remembered I told her that, I mustn't take anymore 'ang pow' from her or my relatives, I am old enough to earn my own income, moreover my grandma doesn't have any income too, so I took out a big red packet and shoved it under her pillow where she used to keep her belongings, she took my hand and place the ang pow too, saying that it was not much but she wish that ang pow would give me luck and 'smooth sailing' in my career. I still keep her ang pow, as a good luck charm now. Hence, I've told grandma that this would be the first and many years to come for me to give her big ang pows. My mom was so touched when she heard grandma told her about it, it is my responsibility I've told her, I am just doing my part, it is just too small compare to her love and care when she took care of me when I was young.
After that relieve, I just gotta get up and refresh myself to face the day again, guess what, I went for a hair cut.
Walked to my usual salon which is next to my apartment, The Edge Studio, had Tommy trimmed it up, but this time I told him to do something different, a bit wild, showing the other side of me, he was asking many times whether I was sure about it LOL, I convinced him that I needed a re-image myself, too much of the same old same old stuffs, so here it goes...tadaaa

Not bad huh? I like it too, this will be my hair style for awhile then :) so after the hair cut, I went to TGI to have my meal and I decided to treat myself with the irresistible mudpie, hmmmm so satisfying so rich and so yummy LOL. Didn't take the picture of food though, guess you guys already know how it looks like or tastes like...
After meal, I walked to Cineleisure to get my magazines, after failing to find what I wanted I went to the shop next to the book store, which sells video games and stuffs like that, I bought a 2D game, something like what I am playing online, Maple Story but this is a PS2 game called Odin Sphere, interesting game system, alchemy, artwork was nicely done, fast and entertaining, it's like Valkyrie Profile2 where you have to save the world by controlling the Valkyrie and fight every monster you meet, and you are the princess too. Except the much difference of the size of Lord Odin compare to the Valkyrie Profile2's handsome Odin lol. Enjoy it!

A lesson well learnt

2009-03-03T02:20:00.000-08:00

Last week was a busy week for me, and I had a show in Malacca on the weekend, I actually like the historical town, very much, it brings me back to where I used to live, Penang. As I began to know Malacca better, I also like the people there, friendlier and warmer. I checked in Equatorial Melacca, to many local or even tourists, it is an exquisite and expensive accomodation. I, somehow denied the truth as the consequences of having some old and almost broken cane chairs, stained bathroom walls and smelly carpet, otherwise I would still prefer Renaissance, at least they maintain it. If not for my colleague's friend, whom he almost worship and even have to cook up a storm to serve him as a token of appreciation for giving us 'special treatment' and special rate for our stays there. That is, the VP of Equatorial International.

We always travel a day prior to the event date to get a good night rest or to check out new places, collecting info and 'cari makan'. But I was alone that night, my colleague went to see his family who lives in the outskirt of Malacca. So, I went down to the street and took a stroll after dinner at Newton Food Court, in hope of finding an internet cafe, oh by the way, the hotel still charge for internet service and even WI-FI service, you have to pay to get the ID and password, how much? RM 15.00 per #$%!*& hour. So, down the street I followed, I kept my eyes on the lighted sign boards of shoplots, "foot massage...ffeeenix iinn...foot massage again....nyonya restaurant....spa and ! foot massage again @.@, wonder why people here like foot massage so much and is foot massage business that 'laku'...." I tilted my head to get rid of that thought when I saw a lighted tiny 'Internet Cafe' sign in orange, almost got entirely blocked by the foot massage sign board in front of it. Wasn't so sure at first , so I walked faster towards it to get a clearer look, yes it's an internet cafe, confirmation doubled with the online game posters covering the glass door as entrance.

Then I entered almost with pride that I finally found what I was looking for, I saw just a few players playing DoTA, some surfing. The setting of the shop didn't interest me at all, but who cares, as long as it gets me online LOL.

Anyway, straight to the point, my main purpose is to 'cari makan' online LOL, no no no just joking, I don't do this anymore, I am an online game freak, I just wanna kill time and was hoping they have the games I am playing - Maple Story, Wu Lin Qun Xia Zhuan, HighStreet5 and so on, I found out that they only have Maple Story so I just clicked it to start... = ='' I wasted almost 45 min waiting it to finish updating and download the setting, wonder how many decades they never run the maintenance, sigh...well meanwhile waiting for it, I saw a familiar icon on the desktop, a combination of 3 colors, blue, yellow and red, with a smiley :) I believe you know what it is. LOL.

Anyway, another disappointment coming up; read carefully...

BoxerKoyak: Hi
Me: Hello
BoxerKoyak: Location?
Me: Equatorial Hotel
BoxerKoyak: Waa expensive hotel...
Me: Who cares, company paying...
.....no reply

MatureMan: Wanna chat?
Me: Yeah sure
MatureMan: You like mature guy?
Me: Yes of cos
MatureMan: How old are you?
Me: 27 year old, 171cm and 70kg, how bout' you?
MatureMan: 52 year old...
.....no reply from me

But, I never give up...
Finally the game had finish uploading, I started playing Maple Story and at the same time I was also chatting, alt+tab all the time hearing the alert tone...

Charming: Hi how are you?
Me: Great thank you, u?
Charming: I am fine too
Me: intro please
Charming: 27 year old, 180cm 65kg
Me: "hmm looks yummy..." Oh do you have any photo?
Charming: Yea but you haven't intro yourself
Me: Opps my bad, 27 year old, 178cm 68kg "...musn't review my true identity >.<"
Charming: Do you have photo too?
Me: Yes, friendster.com/21345
Charming: guys4men.com/356... "Eh! what happened?"

I only see white screen...why? What happened?
"Er...encik, apa berlaku? Kenapa PC ni jam?" I asked anxiously.
"You tak boleh main game sambil chatting la..." The cashier said.
"Oh, I nak restart PC boleh? " Already losing patience, fingers reaching for the CPU button.
"Tak boleh buat 'cam tu, PC boleh rosak" Cashier warned.
...after many attempt to revive the PC and waiting, I gave up, walking out the cafe reluctantly.
With regrets, I walked back to my hotel and the same time cursing myself for being so dumb and greedy. I just wanna forget about it so I began to worry the show next day...and I can't sleep arghhh.

A day of fun

2009-02-24T20:19:00.002-08:00

It was in Teluk Intan, formerly known as Teluk Anson, in Perak, I was there to officiate the grand opening of our McDonald's outlet, yes it is the first McDonald's and operating 24 hours with drive thru service.

I drove there a day earlier and planned to take a good look at the little town and to visit the leaning clock tower which is located at the center of the town itself, I was walking wandering in the street when I saw search lights playing in the sky, wondering what is happening at the place that search lights' from, I followed the lights towards the 'venue'.

When I came to a bus terminal, I could see bright lights beyond, noises, shouting and screaming, I didn't expect anything like this in a small town lol. I saw the Ferris wheel, merry-go-round and the bumper cars; It was a fun fair!

Well, it didn't really interest me in the first place, but since I was there I just have to find some fun anyway, the last time I remembered entering a fun fair was about 10 years ago lol.

Entering from which I think it's a side entrance where the tiny sign board wrote 'Masuk Free' and several snacks stalls were beside it, I entered without hesitation lol.

Oh, I didn't mention I was with a colleague huh did I? Anyway I dragged him along too. It was like going back in time when I was younger, all the running lights, loud shrieking disco music, noises from the machines, shouting and I could hear people talking through the hand held speaker 'Mai mai 3 token saje, geranti dapat hadiah...' and many stalls with all sizes of soft toys hanging. So, I went to the counter with a huge sign board 'TOKEN' to exchange some tokens.

There were not many kids around, rather more adults, were surrounding at a stall particularly, out of curiosity, I walked towards that stall, squeezing myself in to peek at what game was playing...it's kinda like roulette; with a long steel rod spinning round and round and a tiny pin tied with a silver chain to the tip of the rod, and I could see tokens were placed on the counter with numbers and letters, it was spinning very slowly almost stopping, so I waited to see who's the lucky winner, and it stopped at a slot with a token coin, the token owner, a couple was pointing eagerly at the huge teddy bear that hanging in front of them, the cashier handed it to them, seeing the smiles on their face suddenly boosted my spirit and encouraged me to play too lol.

As I was walking around, I came to a stall with a round water pool full of ducklings like the one they used for DIGI ads. I was amused lol, reading the instructions written by marker on a piece of manila card that was hanging at the center of the pool, I handed the Indonesian girl cashier 3 tokens for a game, then she passed me a long wooden rod with a net attached to the end of the rod. There were so many ducklings swimming around, making me so dizzy, I don't know which one to scoop, alas I caught one which was immediately grabbed by the cashier, she turned it over and there was a tag with a number on it, I got a prize! woohooo...

There were many game stalls there; darts, ping pong, shooting, bingo, bowling and etc.

I could tell you, I was sweating like hell while playing games, it was so hot and dry in that place, moreover with spots lights playing, loud music and concentrations...

When we finally finish our tokens, we were very exhausted, thinking of walking back to our hotel we felt so lazy, my colleague was complaining that I dragged him into this lol. Oh well, we still need to walk home. It was an unexpected night, but we had fun, we felt different and glad that we tried...

Welcoming P1 WiMAX

2009-02-15T06:15:00.000-08:00

Finally, I invested in this broadband, there are several type offer by other company like Maxis, Celcom and etc...however I was attracted when the retailer said:
Using it in various locations...
1) Klang Valley - getting better and better day by day
2) Johor Bharu - already launched not long ago ~yahoo
3) Approximately 1 signal tower per week ~wow
4) USB modem in Beta Version ~woot
5) Penang is the next location ~OMG Sign me up now!

Exotic girl promoting P1 WiMAX Broadband

For a person that do blog in the office hour like me, wouldn't that conditions just shoot in my head like say: "WTF you waiting for? You don't even have pay any penny on the spot you sign up, just grab the f**king modem and go home already!"
Seriously, not a cent was asked from me when I sign up and the guy just handed me the woven bag with the modem inside, like...free lol
That's when I agreed to sign up the contract for 2 years and modem is FOC, well that's fine with me, I'm a person who just content about meeting the basic needs e.g. if it allows me to write my blog at home at ease and the line is smooth and no interuption or sharing then it is enough to convince me. Previously there is another company which I forgot the brand name, wanting me to make down payment of RM 799 which I was shocked at the counter and straightaway I turned it down. Am not saying I couldn't afford but this company is new as the P1 WiMax but the coverage is way limited than P1 although the device is smaller. Well i made my choice.
I would recommend ti people like me, go for it.
So, now I have the convenient, I could do all the updates at home without staying back in the office to write blog or get caught by some colleague warning me not to do that in the office :)

Reality really rules...

2009-02-12T18:57:00.002-08:00

Today, again another headache and messy day, re-schedule the 2nd time for my monthly working schedule, but then again almost half of the March I will not be around, I am going to HK~weeee whenever my boss calls my name, desk phone ringing, I will say to myself "...everything's gonna vanish after 17/3, don't have to pressure myself with these little issues...cos' I'm going away~ fly away..." I'll just have to make sure everything's settled before I fly off, I don't care. Since I'm planning my own work, I don't have to expect or rely on others to take cover for my position or even worst, have to switch my phone on 24 hours and it rings during the most awkward time like when I'm gasping in the sauna room ~opps

"Erm..Jonah, can Ronald come on the 20/3? We hope he could come to our school to do the sh..." Teacher requesting through the phone. "Ehem, I'm very sorry Ms. Xxx, Ronald's not available from XX/3 - XX/3..." I told her pride-ly "WHHATT! That long...oh then when is Ronald available then?" she persisted "You'll have to wait for my next reply, thanks for calling, bye~" I hang up the phone giggly.

Honestly the month of March, I will be travelling quite a lot, this month as well as I just came back from Teluk Intan formerly known as Teluk Anson. And this week I am going to Southern and also Northern in the same week ~phew what a week to go.

Anyway will write more when I come back...ciao~

Feelings are complicated

2009-02-09T22:00:00.002-08:00

A lot of response slips came in this week, and am picking calls here and there from teachers and principals. Requests for Ronald really are increasing compared to last year, good news is the survey did show the Ronald popularity had increased compare to 2007. That's a credit added to my WPR ~yeah

Ever wonder Ronald himself could keep up with the busy schedules and maintain the cheerfulness to the crowd in front of him? Even more professionally, extended his autograph session when there's more kids coming in queueing to get his autographed postcard. Even me, who is his coordinator wonder, with his 20 years experiences I doubt he couldn't pull off a trick when he realised something went wrong or the crowd was down.

Still...it's impossible for me to react to that even I'm sick or down 'cos somebody very dear passed away.

Somehow, Ronald McDonald doesn't show any expressions that he is fatigue, feeling blue or sick. In the other hand, I somewhat knew something was wrong and will ask him after the event. May be we have developed a bond like real friends will always find out what's wrong.

We will be quite busy after this week, considering all the travel plans I've made for this month, at least 4 outstations and the rest at local outlets with some training sessions at HQ office.

Sometimes I just have to be Ronald for awhile I wish, just bring out a smile and take away the stress like the wind blow pass gracefully.

Coming Out - Reality Rules! (Part 6)

2009-02-05T21:59:00.002-08:00

...came to think of it, I never really share about my job, some people thinks that my job is really one of its kind. Rather in the other hand I look at it as a 'cold field'. Nobody could possibly want my job, in a sense you are bound to travel a lot! Travelling job = no life, no fun and etc...

As an out-goer and a can't-stand-staying-up-alone in the hotel room person, I've always learn to find fun out of it.

1) Outdoor Fun, as usual I will walk around the area near the hotel I'm staying, sight seeing, finding out more details about the place, food hunting and seek for a place cruise at local places I go don't usually look familiar for instance, Kuala Terengganu or Pulau Labuan, even Teluk Intan itself, I really haven't been to places like that! If it's a familiar place where I also have friends, I will give them a call out for coffee or even movie. So far, I have never try going to the spa or plu sauna in certain places as I have no interest in it as well, but I don't know in future.

2) Indoor Fun, really nothing much apart from the shrieks and out of pitch Philippine made music bands, unless I don't have a choice like in Pulau Labuan, there's no entertainment there practically and the food sucks, although the beer and alcohol are cheap. I just can't think of anything else. Another enjoyment besides watching tv until I dosed off or buzzing off, I surf the Internet, going into the cyber world and meeting new guys, oooh you'll wonder how much pleasure I could get from there lol~ ...well provided the Internet / WI-FI comes along free with my hotel stay, you'll be surprise some hotel still charge absurdly 1 hour = RM30.

I forgot to tell you that, whenever I do travelling, I reach the location 1 day before to get a proper rest and prepare for the next day's event.

Sometimes it requires me to travel 2 places in a day, fly in and fly out. I just wake up in different hotels.

Busyx3

2009-02-05T03:22:00.000-08:00

As I was typing here; listening to George Benson All Time Love Songs. I like particularly "Nothing's gonna change my love for you" it's really an old song, old enough to be my great grand father ~chuckles

It made me ponder on my relationships, I was such naive and innocent, people hated me either they thought I acted it out or I just played dumb. Needless to say, barely few in the world today you could sing this song to, I remembered my mom used to sing this song while she does her cleanings. Such fairy tale...

Gotta get home and eat, will I able to sing even the last words of the song to my love?

"The world may change my whole life through but nothing's gonna change my love for you..."

I wish...

My Diary

2009-01-22T22:53:00.002-08:00

As the new year has started, I promised that I'll keep a book of diary, not only it will keep my secrets but it will record the memories of my personal life, as I'm moving on I will write on this blog to express my feeling and my pasts to remind me of the mistakes I've made, the person I've become today and the path I'm taking tomorrow.

Particularly today is not the busiest day although there was a lot of things on my mind as I stepped into my office this morning. My 3L with Ronald project, the awareness banners, recruiting kids for the show, my mom is coming back in April, first time for the past 10 years! Flight booking for my mom and etc.

Coming Out - 'My Family I' (Part 5.6)

2009-01-05T19:20:00.002-08:00

It's not like my real family but it is better than my family...

We used to be together, the whole bunch of us, 10 of us to be precise however time flies, people changed and memories faded away... only 7 of us now...still counting and strong 10 years or more - The Ong Family.

I don't have a photo of us all, it is because every time we have a gathering, there will be some of us couldn't make it due to some personal commitment, one of them will be me, work and bf. But not anymore, this year, our 10th year of CNY gathering, all of us will be on stage again, I've finalised the guest list, yup 7 of us, will be present for the reunion steamboat dinner at my godma's house. And this time I'd make sure we get a shot and post it here.

First and foremost, the introduction, I don't recall how this happened but somehow it is a finder keeper or lost and found kinda game where each of us were born in different family and environment but end up with the same father, well, we're still related, ain't we?

For the sake of relating each and everyone of us, we changed our name, not the real name but a second name with the surname 'Ong'.

Our very first 'sister' who is the eldest, we arrange our hierarchy by our birthday,

1) Jennifer Ong Swee Man - Ah Lian

'She's' a passive and hardworking 'sister', raising each of us while our parents make the world a better place for us, 'she' used to cleaned us, fed us and did the laundry.

'She's' also the cleverest among us academically. 'She' even became a prostitute to pay off our bills when our parents didn't made enough money, that's her part of the story.

2) Joanna Ong Swee Sui - Juan Mao (Curly Hair)

That's me, I am the second daughter and the most 'curliest' of them all, well I inherited it from our dad :) sexy curls. I came in quite late to join the family, I was a transfer from Ipoh in Form 2, considered I was one of the long lost sisters, now that they finally found me, we are whole again. I'm not really good at describing people especially their behaviors, anyway I'll try my best. Everyone is not a 'black sheep' in the family, in fact we are a herd of colorful sheep's. Quite astonishing of how we grow into the 'fine ladies'. You could consider that I'm the 'blind' one, am not choosy about a lot of things, even when it comes to choosing man! That's why I'm always the one being teased...nah not really :)

3) Jessica Ong Swee Ting or Jason Ong - Ah Di

This one has really challenge me on how to describe him or 'her', as you can see, I am having trouble labelling him or 'her', talking about confuse, he's definitely confusing us. When approach or asked about his sexual orientation, the answer is always the same - "I don't know" or "Don't ask". In the other hand, he has some of the 'lady symptoms' we have, or he don't mind accepting us or he's been hanging out with us eventually becomes a habit. He has a big mouth actually, not only for lying but he really does eat a lot, well on top of that he can the whole bowl of soup at one go! ~my gawd!

4) Victoria Ong Swee Ling - Ah Lye or Lye Chee

Quite a 'decent' and 'mild' woman 'she's' grew into nowadays, not as passive as me or my elder 'sister' but 'she's' definitely one helluva hidden 'machine gun', 'she' could just shoot you dead the second you step on 'her' foot or did the wrong stuff or even talk behind 'her'. 'She' used to be the 'chicken' we all called, didn't have the gut to face anything 'she' never did before. Well, 'she' is no more that 'chicken' now, I bet all the man beside 'her' had become 'her chicken' instead.

5) Letchumi Ong Swee Kam - Letchumi Kam

I was not really sure about this one, wondered if 'she' was a mixed race or fell into the drain when 'she' was born ~chuckles Well, 'she' doesn't look that bad actually, in fact 'she' is the richest among us, still ignore 'her' true identity though...*whisper wei if you're reading this, when are you going to admit you're actually one of us? I admit that 'she' is quite ambitious about gaining the stuffs 'she' wanted..like getting man from Italy? ~oppss...running away He, I mean 'she' is quite close to me too frankly we could share almost everything uh..well not 'her' panties though, with the big black spots by the sides of 'her' thighs ~ewww

6) Rebecca Ong Swee Choo - Ah Choo or Bee Choo

'She' helluva a SL*T and BI**H lol, just joking, 'she' is a nice person although like people to scratch 'her' cos' of 'her' endless itchiness. 'She' is now looking for men around the world, recently has been going in and out HK and BKK, I wonder to get 'her' hole a kick or 'her' butt kicked. If you're a typical chinese guy, "Ah~come to mama~slurppp" Ah Choo winked.

7) Polly Ong Swee Gaik -Ah Gaik

Don't judge a book by it's cover really alive in this person, well in this case - size...
'she' might be small but not the hole of 'her' **ssy ~omigawd bookish type, with a pair of glasses it seems like 'she' could look through your heart and make you think a million miles away and before you know, 'her' hands are in your pants !!! AHHHHHH 'her' reputation precedes 'her' as many underage victim spoke highly of 'her' unforgiving skills and positions. ~scary

That's about it, the opening of 'My Family' stay tune for the second part, oh I'll definitely post the picture here once I get it developed. To all my 'sisters', don't get mad ya just writing for fun, anyway, I still love being with you fantastic guys, wanna let you guys know, if ever you guys need someone, I'll always be there...

...cont

Announcement

2008-12-11T18:30:00.002-08:00

Hi guys! It's been almost a decade since last I wrote, wonder where have I been? Awww thanks for missing me lol, I am seeing someone now, (not that I've got stalked like Bibik Nyonya, I'm not as famous as her lar, and I don't wish that too) that's why I seldom update my blog, please forgive me, but it doesn't mean I'll stop writing, please come back real soon, gonna start writing again.
Ok...it's not what you're thinking, I'm not gonna write about my new boyfriend. So cut that thought lol. I'm still writing my past though, kinda dejavu isn't it?
However you could expect something a bit wilder, a bit 'dirty' from now on lol, that's what we have in youth right?
All the luck and love go out for you guys! Ciao~~

Coming Out - Letting Go Cont (Part 5.5)

2008-09-26T00:40:00.000-07:00

As Teddy started working in the infamous little mall, I started my job in McDonald's, the Greenlane branch, my service as a party organiser, the branch is the most and up till today the busiest and highest volume outlet in Penang Island. With an average of 40-45 Birthday Parties a month, my hands were always full, starts work early and ended real late, and sometimes I missed the last bus.when I started working there, felt like coming back home as I used to work there after my SPM and I would love to check out guys (some high-school cuties) when I'm serving at the front counter. >.< i bet it tastes better than BigMac!

yummy!?

Teddy was doing very well, from Assistant Manager to Manager, from Manager to Department Head, and what now? I was still a party organiser...

Life began to look miserable, we didn't see each other except when I got home and he's already asleep in the dark, we hardly have dinner together, I was no more waiting for him at the loading bay where he usually comes out after shift. He's making new friends and colleagues but I was still the same...old me...like I used to live alone.

I watch telly alone, he must be watching our favorite series, that I found lying around the bedroom floor. We hardly spent time together although we live together. So close yet so far...

It felt like living with a stranger...I no longer know this person anymore...we hardly talk or even sms each other, something was very wrong somewhere...I just couldn't think.

We began to argue, offending each other, start building hate in ourselves, denial and ignorance.

The knot no longer tighten, it was broken and cut into pieces, damaged.

We couldn't talk to each other whenever we meet, even now, whenever he calls, I just ignore his call or answer reluctantly.

I recalled one CNY, I was hanging out with my old friends, high-school classmates and my sistas, we've known each other for more than 10 years! So, since everyone is going their separate ways after school, we decided that we come back for CNY and have a great gathering, catch things up, laughing out loud in Kopitiam like nobody's business, when we talked about the olden days.

"Hey, say we go paint the town, whatever-color-they-paint-nowadays tonight? Check out some clubs and hunks, what you say?" Said Fabulous Fabian.

"I wonder what they have in Penang, nowadays, or they still having those La-La-Chai disco like Cafe?" said Simple Jeff.

"Ok, so we all get into Fabian's car, let's meet up at the new block opposite Tesco shall we, let Mamma show you guys the way tonight, kay. Fabian I might need you to send me back, I need changing and inform my bf..." I instructed.

"Oh, why don't you invite him to join us, it would be nice." Fabulous Fabian suggested.

"Well, I don't know, but will definitely ask him, moreover he doesn't like going places like this, so let's hit it"

Why can't you just stay home spend time with the baby?

As Fabulous Fabian waiting outside my house, I rushed in...undid my zipper on the way up the stairs...Teddy was sleeping, probably awaken by my stomping steps.

"Dear...I'm going out with Fabian, coming back about 4, wanna come with us?" I asked.

"Wh-what? What time is it now? You just came back and want to go out again? Where're you going?" He was asking.

"Just some club, hang out and dance lo" I replied.

"So late already, why still wanna go?" He insisted I stay back.

"You think dance club open in daylight? That's why we are going now, and Fabian's waiting downstairs already, I don't have time, so come or not?." I argued.

"That's why I don't like you hanging out with them..." He criticizing.

"Who? You mean my old friends?" As I zipping my tight denim. "It's not that you don't know who I'm going out with, you know Jeff, Fabian, Kevin and Josh already when we started this relationship, is it a crime or a problem to you that, me and my old friends who come back to town once a year, can't party with me? Don't try to be my mother, ok?" I began to raise my voice as I was spraying my cologne.

"Then do as you wish...I don't wanna care anymore..." Covering his face with pillow.

"Then don't be!" As I slammed the door so hard it rattered the whole house.

I really went all out that night, exhausted, completely wore out huh, guessed I was really enjoying myself. Although my friends were disagreeing the way I treated Teddy, at that point of time, I just don't care anymore, I was reckless and disrespectful you may put it, trying to release something inside me, may be that's the way I was raised.

I may be over-reacted at times or out of control but it was natural for me to continue with my own routines even if I'm attached, doesn't that mean I have my rights too? I don't know about you guys, I always do it, for instance, I want the person I love to know whom I'm mixing with, whose my colleagues are or what activities I have been keeping whether he like it or not, weren't those things your other-half should know? Also keep that in mind that I would not sacrifice the things I've been doing to just rather spend never-ending time with my lover just doing nothing at home and that is not called love I believe, I don't mean I don't like spending quiet time or a little privacy just for the two of us, it's just that the sweet and lovely parts had long gone and we are in the mature part of the relationship where you suppose to be able to do your own things, but I always keep in mind that I inform my lover whatever things I'm doing or going to do.

After watching QAF for the third time, I actually realised, love doesn't come even from sacrifices. It doesn't really make sense if I sacrifice something out of my life to gain someone's love, does it? It's about directions, choices?

my all time favourite series

If both of us choose a different path ourselves, where would you think it'll lead us to at the end of the road? Will we still find each other at the end of the road or someone else?

Although it may seems or sound so sweet or amazing how a person sacrifices something to be with someone else but it is absurb that we give up things we love, why can't we just bring it along in someone's life?

For both to love the same thing is rare but choosing the same thing and live together is a lifetime?

I didn't like the ending of QAF as I've mentioned, came to think of it sometime ago, I realised Justin and may be Brian too made the right decision. Both didn't desire the same thing in life, Brian gave up many things in the end to be with Justin, and Justin too gave up a big time oppotunity to be with his fiance, and when both realised how much they missed or changed, they just couldn't accept it, it came to their senses that sacrifices one's wanting doesn't gain loyalty or trust towards another. I was glad they didn't get married even I wanted them so much, it would really satisfy my will of having the fairyland-like-and-live-happily-ever-after-ending >.<>

And I guessed me and Teddy will never choose the same path, as we already did...chose our own path at the beginning...you'll never know till you're actually get so used of it and then you're not anymore...

~End of Part 5.5~

Coming Out - Letting Go (Part 5.4)

2008-09-23T01:51:00.002-07:00

...boring times a gazillion...
Mentally blocked, bland, feelingless, fearless whatever equals to boredom...
I have too many and zero things in my mind to write this @#%$^*

even the dog yawns reading my blog...

Anyway, I am going to tell you about my past relationship, I wondered if I'm repeating myself about this in the previous post but never mind, this time I'm just going to brag about my ex and it's the last thing that anybody would want to talk about. *Yawns~~ yeah about my ex-bf not so much of the insignificant other of mine. But he really has significant looks though ^^ well never mind he has weaknesses too, ya know, like BO, short, really smelly feet.

"You have a problem with BO?"

It ended almost 3 years ago...now, once upon a sexless (naive) time...

I was working for an enterprise selling souvenirs and gifts, I was the wrapping guy behind the counter, wrapping stuffs for almost 2 years, well though I was quite content and well-trained with my work at that time, and I had a slimmer bod too, I guessed that helps when I saw guys cruising 'round the shop or accidentally purposely bumped into me asking me to wrap toys or in other words mesmerize them with my skills, I probably wrap them up in a box too ^^

Not really the kind of wrapping you get in Jaya Jusco or metrojaya or even from Bodyshop, what I used to do was unique wrapping, I use natural or recycle resources like recycle papers (not old newspaper ok), dried branches, thin papers, cardboards, jute ropes, paper and handmade flowers, a lot of stuffs I made myself...

There's a wrapping I remembered charging RM120++, consisted of a big handmade hard cover box (wrapped in recycle paper), jute ropes shredded, some exquisite wrappers and on top of the box cover I made some deco, a miniature christmas tree on a papermade-hill, lace sided golden ribbon matched with green and red fabric type ribbon, with some christmas corn and some snow spray as the finishing touch. But all these compared to the present he brought, it's just 10% of what I charged, it's the product of SK II worth almost RM2k. How I wished I was the receiver.

Well, coming back to the main story, how we met...at the first place, I remembered.

One fine Saturday morning almost noon, 2 decent guys came into our shop, looking for gifts, as usual, I was gossiping with my girl colleague, "Mie, who would you go for? The sunshine type or the blue collar type huh?" I asked her. "Whoever comes first lor..." replied Simply Tammy. "mmm, I agree with you, but you know me lar, I never approach people one, but I actually would go for the blue collar type, I don't know why lar, but they attracted to me, I think you suit the sunshine type one..." So the conversation went on until the end of the day.

The next day, I was alone, Tammy usually has her off days on Sundays, so as usual I went to the shop almost at noon time to open the the shop. As I just getting things ready I heard the phone rang, picked up and, "Long Summer, can I help you?" I greeted reluctantly. "Ermmm, I'd like to speak to the guy in the shop please." He replied. "I am the only guy here other than my boss, he usually don't come so early." I told him. "Oooh am glad it's you, err I have a friend who is interested in you and ermm he wondered he could get your number..." While he was making it up, "Excuse me, may I know who are you, and you said it's a 'he' right? How does 'he' knows that I am...alright how you got this number?" I insisted. "Oh I was shopping at your shop yesterday and I took the name card on the shelf, so..." He explained. *gotcha! "Oh! It's you that wanted my number? I'm sorry I couldn't do that, very sorry, not when I'm working."

After more than 30 mins of conversation, he finally convinced me to give him my number. "However, you can only call me after 10pm ok, now my bosses' wife just walked in, I gotta go, bye." I hang up. "Waaa~boiiling porridge ar?! Talked so long on the phone!" Ice Queen was interrogating me. "Wh-what? No ar, customer call asking about gifts and wrapping mah~" I murmured. "Okok liao, get back to work liao." She demanded. "Ye-yes, Mame."

I did receive call from the mysterious guy, he's Robin from Robine Kitchen...

Nah, not that, I'll just label him as Teddy, I got so mentally blocked thinking of names, so let's just call him Teddy. lol.

He wanted a meet-up somewhere, near the shop I worked. So I accepted the invitation and decided that we meet up at Starbucks downstairs after work.

That was on the next Sunday after he made his first call. I had actually told Simply Tammy that my dream is actually coming true, after what I was wishing to the stars every night before going to bed. I even told Simply Tammy that I don't deserve this kinda guy, I was not confident, discourage. Wondered why I was chose. "You know I love you" Boy confirmed "Sebab I sexy?" Girl asked. I wondered if I'm really attracted to him, but in which or what way?

I will try to describe his look, ok. Hmmm let me see, thick well grown eye brown, slightly brown-colored big poppy eyes, well-shaved chin but not stubble, clean cut, small pinky lips, very small ears almost hidden, perfect sharp nose not like Caucasian though, short spiky hairstyle, medium build bod, about 170cm tall, 65kg may be, stocky and he's from Kuching. I leave the rest to you guys. ^^

he loves me, he loves me not?

I was half way pulling down the shutter before I finally call it the day and was thinking about meeting Teddy. Someone patted me on my shoulder. "Eh-hem, Hi, am Ted." the gorgeous guy greeted me. I was stunned, petrified, *I hope you know CPR, 'cos you took my breath away~ "Hey, I-er I didn't expect it's you, ehmm..." I can't finish my sentence. "What do you mean?" He asked.

Quickly, I sum up the cashier, punch card and hit the shutter, went down to Starbucks with him. It's totally speechless, I was living in fairyland. Butterflies everywhere. "So..." he began, "...are we hanging out somewhere later?" *oh yeah we are going to heaven and I hope it's you who'd take me there "Err, well not anywhere particularly, it's just going back to my place, you mind?" I answered politely.

We had 8 great sex that night, too many position, too sweaty, and yeah heat and can't even move a dick now. Hugging *although I was feeling hot and uncomfortable, and I smelled something... each other to sleep.

"You're sooo damn good at it..."

He was working in KL that time and I was in Penang. We keep in touch thru smses, never ending online chats, break-time calls and so on, even phone sex. I would say it's so sweet even when I'm drinking bitter gourd juice that time.

You can call me insane or whatever, after 6 months knowing him, I moved down to KL to stay with him, without even knowing what the future holds for the 2 of us. And I ended up working with him for the same company. The company really sucks, with a 10 year establishment and achievements, can't even make it to our neighbour country, it's a software company, messy management, delay pay checks and so on.

After suffering for almost 3 months, I moved back to Penang and asked him to come with me if he still loves me. He followed me back. He, too was looking down, not willing to give up his job, he was discouraged, low confidence, he was 35, kept telling me "Who would want a 35 year old man?"

I took the effort seeking jobs everywhere in the island for him, with his qualification in fashion, experiences in major shopping malls in Singapore as operational director (dept director, GM), I doubted my efforts would go down the drain. When I found some major complexes with some higher position opening, he refused to go for the interview. He wanted to work for some smaller company, the one not so famous or not so favor by local. So, I found GAMA the over-sized grocery store or miniature shopping mall, he went in for the interview, for the position of Supervisor. When the lady in charge was reading his resume, her eyes almost popped out. "I'll ask the GM to interview you immediately, come with me to his office now." the excited lady assured.

I waited him for almost 2 hours, dosed off on the couch at the front counter. How glad I was for him when I saw him walking out of the GM's office, I could see the smiling face and how the dimple formed on the right side of his face. "So, how was it? Did you get it?" I asked anxiously. "Guess what, they're not giving me the job on the poster, but they gave me an Assistant Manager!" He was smiling with all his teeth showing. I have to tell you that I almost jumped on him in front of the receptionist and the others as if I had won lottery or what.

We were eating out and celebrating for our new job, without realising all these were leading us to nowhere but the most painful memory of, perhaps my life.

~End of Part 5.4~

Coming Out - Hobby or Fanatic? (Part 5.3)

2008-09-11T01:19:00.000-07:00

WX Online

Recently have been visiting the cyber cafe I used to go, I always appear and disappear as the shop assistant told me ^^ one time all the worker even the graveyard shift regconize me and suddenly they don't anymore and even ask me if I'm a member or not.

Luckily the owner knows me well, even kept me posted about the events he's having in his outlet, HighStreet5 Competition, New Game Lauching, or exhibition and so on...

I have been an addict to online games, all kinds.

Once I get bored or I having a new toy or busy at work, I stopped for months, may be years, then I will appear in front of them again, having trouble key-in the last password I used to enter the game, as usual.

Last July, Malaysia launched a new online game, new face even new story, I would say all online game's interface is similar or almost the same, re-define or improvise it again for players' convenient like a click will make the character go find the quest on its own, or hold alt+N will bring up the NPC or specific points on the map and then click it to move your character there.

Other than the graphic quality I always go for in an online game, WX Online has another reason why it's so irresistible and attracted to me to continue playing, the story line. Each player has the chance to create his/her own story on the game, it is like a free-style thingy, do whatever and be anyone you like to begin your story, no ending, unless you stop playing. When I playing it, I feel like Brenda Starr, coming alive in a comic, or I really live in the world of the game. Just like the opening of the game after you login, you were absorb into the pc and appear in god-knows-what-year-was-that, you were still in your school attire but there's a crime going on in front of you and you saw a clone of yourself fighting among and...

If I continue on and started on the history, your cursor will be sliding and going towards the close button, lol. :)

Anyway, this Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game (MMORPG) is still attracting players, I wonder if there's any plu or queer gamer like me, almost fanatic. When I was only starting this new game, I already spent on the cash point top up card, to get items that you can't get in the game, like a pig transport that take you around with a flash, it runs rapidly, even faster than those tiger transport they have, lol and it's cute too. It took me RM40 top up card to get that ok. Whenever you buy it, the outcome is given randomly. Some geeks willing to pay RM100 to get that bloody pig too. Considered myself lucky to get one.

The opening of the game

Don't worry I'm not trying to persuade or convince you guys to play the game, but just showing u guys, what I'm into, lol. I used to dream of becoming a game creator, yeah a programmer, found out that the job was boring, lol, rather be a gamer.

This was the commercial ads

May be I should print screen my character and paste it here. ^^
Next time, may be.

Enough of WX Online...
I have been making online friends thru online games and also thru visiting various cc (cyber cafe).
Some places really have cute and yummy gamers, although they all look like geeks and nerds. They are attracted to me. I remembered knowing a guy from playing Ragnarok, Talented Howard. I had a crush on him, it turned out that I was not his type. :(
However, we're still friends, in fact, very good friends since then. But we stopped playing Ragnarok, not anymore.
I even had boys hooking me up and calling me from the online game, HighStreet 5, an interactive street dancing online game. Guess what, I had a very sexy and voluptuos girl created as my character, fooling around guys and wearing glamorous attire that I bought with cash point card, they all fell for it, lol. ^^ Well, not anymore, after they knew who I am. Rofl.

Enjoy!

~End of Part 5.3~

Coming Out - Homosexual VS Queer (Part 5.2)

2008-08-21T20:48:00.002-07:00

So much of the Channel 5 Queer Guy (in QAF), he might be the perfect or not example of Homosexual VS Queer for me.

I was watching it for the 3rd time, not that I have no other DVD / drama to watch, moreover with the Olympic attractions and so on, that I wanted to watch it again, ya know a good story is worth repeating. And you know what, I just learned something and got me to write it here, and how I relate it in my life.

Being someone you're not, trust me I've been through, it's pathetic and hypocrite.

Just like Emmett (in the pic), he was given the job of his lifetime, to be in front of the screen, providing queer tips on how to make your day and so on, well, regardless of what he had already done in the previous season as a website porn star. This was different, it's in front of may be nearly half the States of America. That include the straights, homophobes, religion leaders and even politician. He's refrained from showing his sexuality, showing the true him and that include his brief and tight ass. He's only allowed to provide segments on gardening, cooking, grooming and things that are harmless, not mentally challenged. Viewing certain thing from a different angle. That's it. That's what I would call being queer.

Homosexual is totally the opposite way, it's about showing what we are, that is, freely. it's more challenging, more adventurous, dare to be different, which makes us all the same, whether you're straight, a tranny or drag queen, we are the same as we are all made differently in the face of God, like a family.

Recalled an episode I watched when Michael Novotny delivering a speech on the tragic that he was one of the survivors in the bomb incident. Yes, we all want the same things, some extra money in our pocket, family, marriage, lead a normal happy life even for equal rights. However, we are all different like snowflakes yet inevitably we are still considered snows.

I could admit I'm a bit like Michael too, just wanna get married not necessary to a rich guy, just as long as we love each other like Ben Bruckner and lead a normal happy family life, throw a family party once in awhile, have good and best friends around, sharing sorrows and joys, and yeah my mum could come in and mess our days up. :)
...that would be a dream come true.
I considered myself officially came out when I confessed to my mother that I am gay. She's the only person I ever wish, could accept me the way I am. Finally, she was relieved to hear the news. She didn't get mad or curse, all mothers are the same, she tried to convince me to becoming a straight again, "I'm much happier in this life mom, why should I go back to that miserable life where I hurt myself and even worse I will hurt the girl's heart which couldn't be heal not by time too...". She's speechless awhile.
I assumed she agreed with me and all of a sudden she spoke again, "yeah! Now that I realised, I usually met a lot gay and lesbian customers (she works in a chinese restaurant in Virginia), ya know they're so nice to me, so friendly and bla-bla-blahh..." she continued. "Mom! Enough, I know what you've been through, and I know what's happening in US ok." I explained. "Ok, mom's gonna get back to work, one more thing son, be safe, play safe kay." She insisted "Thanks mom..." I was finally relieved too.
That's how I came out. Now that I have dropped the 'biggest stone' off my shoulder, thank god.
No doubt before that I already came out enjoying myself sleeping and groping around, but this was kinda official and precious memory for me. So, whatcha say? I'm officially gay and queer and single and available and ...etc

~End of Part 5.2~

Coming Out - Part 5.1

2008-08-18T02:45:00.002-07:00

I had a great time when I was in Penang last week, not vacation, it's for work. I often travel, visiting schools, attending opening of outlets, branch anniversary and so on. If it's on weekdays, mostly visiting schools, the rest is on weekends.
Meeting teachers and principals do not excite me or give me a great time, in fact they give me goosebumps and hard times. It's meeting Titan Tan that had me looking forward every time I'm planning a Northern trip or personal trip. Since most of the event took place in the morning, I had all the free and easy time in the afternoon and evening.
Watched WALL.E with one of my staff, then I call Titan Tan to come over to have dinner. We went to one of my favorite hawker to have my favorite 'Pork Rib Hor Fan'. We chatted and went back to my place, not hotel this time, but my godma's place. She and her family still live in the old heritage long house, most of us called it, 'pre-war houses'. Pretty narrow, with long and distance, you might need a cab to go to the toilet. They have this specific area which we called 'deep well' in Hokkien. A place to do your laundry and well...pee. They also have many rooms, upstairs, downstairs and middle-floor. It is practically an inn, with more than 10 rooms you could have hell of a gang bang party or orgies in these houses.
Anyway, I was staying in an old room in the middle-floor, the one my godma used to stay. Both me and Titan Tan were cuddling, hugging each other while watching QAF session 3, he was concentrating, never watched it before and trying to understand different gay cultures as in Pittsburgh.
As usual, I was doing my nasty acts while he's watching the screen. Playing his ears, pressing his biceps, rubbing his chests and pecs, doodling his head, grabbing it trying to make it hard. He didn't react much though, didn't push me away or stare at me, just keep watching the drama. When he's finally aroused and hard, he rolled me sideways and hugged me. Still...watching the drama.
*knock, knock "Ah J-jonahh, get me the blanket and mattress.." God-Grandma voiced "Ah Ma, what is it?" I asked, Titan Tan was pulling his jeans up so fast that almost zipped his dick. "I need the mattress.." God-Grandma ordered. "Ok, wait...*groaned" Grabbed the old mattress under Titan's feet. "There, phew it's hot in here Ah Ma." I mumbled "Who's stopping you from switching on the AC? Siao, so hot you also can stay in there, on the AC larr" God-Grandma replied.
Closed the door and just as I wanted to come undone again, "Ah Jonah..." God-Grandma again. "What again?!" I called back almost angry. "Got mosquito ar? Need Ridsect?" God-Grandma offered "No, no need am fine here, I turned AC on de." I replied.
Heard her footsteps going down the stairs. Phew~ as I turned to Titan Tan, he was muttering words, but I wasn't paying attention anymore as my hands were busy taking off his shirt and my lips' on his, I know he wouldn't mind.
After a long night, he finally putting on his shirt, ready to go home, put on his glasses turned and looked at me, I was smiling and pointing my left cheek indicating for a good-bye kiss. He kissed me and went downstairs while I followed behind.
Kissed me again at the front door, bade good-bye and drove off in the dark street, cold breezes swept across my face, feeling the chill in my bone...

~End of Part 5.1~

Youth - The 'Real' Experience Continues (Part 4.4)

2008-08-11T02:41:00.002-07:00

Last Friday I went to a friend's wedding, not my close or best friend's wedding as I hardly know the bride or the bridegroom. Anyway, I was curious when Bountiful Bel told me about the hunky doc she met earlier and happened to be one of the maid of honour, so I was hoping to meet him after enough stories told how hot and decent he looks like :)

I was sort of a substitute, Bountiful Bel dragged me along since her bf couldn't make it and I was free, and in need of...'penetration'.

So, I went shopping again, not for myself but something for the bride, "Bel, what do Evelyn likes? I was thinking of getting her a gift." I called Bel "She like skin care products, practically every brand..." she said. Evelyn sounds like a Madonna to me. I heard Bel told me about Evelyn likes reading too, so there I went down to a bookstore near my office and search for a book, making sure not to pick the wrong choice. Alas, I picked one titled 'Atonement', I've watched the movie and I like it, after paying it, took it back to my office and wrapped it up in a nice shiny rose-imprinted wrapper. I hope she likes it too.

"Are you anywhere near our office Bel?" called her after 2 hours of waiting at the office lobby. "So sorry darling, we are caught in this bloody jam...I know you are hungry, we too..." Heard Meowy Ann beside, cursing the jam. "We are just at the corner, hang on dear...coming" Hung up and I groaned and wondering what's happening.

As we arrived at the venue, we were seated at the halal table with the others, 2 Malay couples, one of them was our CCD Exe, Abnormal Af and her stocky bf. And I don't know the rest.

Bel started by introducing me to the handsome doc, Awful Allan and his cousin Common Chris. Allan was a hunk overall but with his BO I wouldn't label him as Hunky Allan so as his cousin, thin as a bamboo stick with a tasteless sense of fashion as Allan, they both really matches well for "Queer Eyes for the Straight" candidates. Fashion and physical makeover are what they need I guessed.

I must admit I was a little confused by what Bountiful Bel told me about meeting Awful Allan, she sounded that Allan was the potential one, could be or at least hook her up last weekend. Well, that didn't sound as good when she mentioned Awful Allan was offering her a 3some with his cousin, "What?! Why the hell he needs to sell his cousin too?" I was anxious "Well, I guess he likes it, moreover this will be my first, ya know..." Bel trying to convince me "I thought this gonna be like 1 on 1 thing, and not taking you for granted by selling his cousin or offering his cousin a free learning session after all what you told me that Allan also crazy about you, practically everytime he meets you, what a jerk!" I told her.

What immature brats they were. I told Bel that they might not be the guys that she's into, not even 1 kiss is worth from them. It has to be more than a kiss, if it's with me.

Well, I don't mean that Bountiful Bel was such a slut or almost a whore but if it was me I'll rather indulge into someone who is more sincere, or in other words get things straight to the point, "Yeah let's fuck" :)

So, after the wedding Bel was suggesting we go some place to chill. Both straight men looking at me, and asked me where I usually hang out. Well, not any place I hang out would interest him. "Darling he just wanted a taste of it, why don't you do him a favor, am sure he could handle himself..." Bel whispered. That might freak him out, am pretty sure for homophobic who never experience gay scene. "Well, let's go to frangy panny then..."

I thought Bel and Allan were making out as I were cruising and dancing near the bar. It turned out to be the other way, when I saw Awful Allan and Common Chris walking to the exit. I went to Bel, she was sulking and almost cursing. She ordered them to go home after what Allan said, "I want to fuck you, but may be you should lose a few kg before I do that..." Bountiful Bel is not fat at all! I mean she got fat boobs that's why I call her bountiful. Anyway, I told her to forget about Allan, he's not even worth a pity fuck. There's hundred times more willing handsome guys than Allan to fuck your brains out, Bel. Don't give a shit!

Some time back then, I was rejected that way. When I was a little bit more than beefy, chubby. Went to the baths and wanting a release, casual sex. Fingers, hands even legs caressing, touching from head to chest and down...to waist, "wow, t-that's quite a torso..." then suddenly you were left alone jerking-off at the dark corner.

Well, I guess that's the old me...anyone available tonight? :)

~End of Part 4.4~

Youth - The 'Real' Experience Continues (Part 4.3)

2008-08-04T20:10:00.000-07:00

Working as a Professional Coordinator, everything has to be on top of my mind, even the smallest act such as carrying water bottle for my Chief Happiness Officer (Ronald McDonald), I have to be top of mind myself not to carry any labeled bottle. Due to some technical problems, he was late for the show today, and this was the second time. He was fashionably late, no doubt. Got back from the show and headed back to the hotel, bought breakfast for him and came downstairs sitting at the lobby, as I was chatting with Yvonne, the PR Officer, I requested the pin and pass for the WI-FI access so I can write my post since I have 3 hours before the next show.

Gotta finish the Butterworth trip before I can proceed to telling my past, this will be the other 2 days there.

So, I got myself a second date with Titan Tan the next night after he met me...just before that, something else came first. Remember the first night I arrived and no one came to my attention, they were busy, too late, couldn't decide, forgotten or some just ignored me. Well, I did some chatting in MIRC and MSN while reading savante's blog, trying my luck to get hooked.

One of the chatter, I would label him as Stocky Steve, lover of my best friend - Wacky Walter. They've been a loving couple, more than 5 years. We've been close friends for a long time. It's kinda risky writing all these, I would be spanked if they were to found out that I was writing about their dirty stuffs lol :) it wouldn't hurt to excite the reading a little bit, would it? Moreover, I never use any real names, that makes you guys anonymous. Anyway, Stocky Steve wanted to see me, he brought Wacky Walter along and we went out for lunch, at a yam rice stall near my hotel. I don't like dragging here, anyway the next thing you know, we were on the bed together. 3 of us, as you guys call it 3some. I was virgin to it, but I sorta been guided through the process, somehow I felt comfortable, secured, fearless, not any doubt and that was my first time. May be I was doing with people I know. I used to have invitations for these kind of play but never tried it, I was scared. Both of them did very well, not long, whole 45 mins play did just right for me, I didn't passed out but I felt a sense of relieved, deep in my mind (*giggling* finally I get to grope and fuck with Wacky and Stocky). That was not what I dreamt of when I first met them. But not for Stocky Steve, I believed he always wanted to lay hands on me, I've always notice the way he's staring at me when we first met. He even told Wacky Walter that he's always wanted to have sex with me, well now you had it...it's inappropriate to tell details here, can just tell you the whole 45 mins of wow! oohh! ahhh! that's it. :) am letting you guys go wild on your fantasies. Wonder if Wacky Walter would come see me again, this time a personal invitation on my personal trip :)

After shower I had Wacky Walter dropped me at the Sunway Carnival Complex, went shopping alone and stopped at Starbucks for a break and readings...

Sometimes, you just can't get enough of things like possessions, urge, in this case for me is sex :) I had make a fully packed agenda for myself during this 4 days 3 nights trip, to be precise, night activities.

Called Titan to pick me up at Sunway Carnival and head back to the hotel. Freshen up myself, seeing Titan lying on the bed, another temptation...

He's not like Wacky Walter or a sex animal, with him we just like cuddling and groping. Not so much into sex things. Then we would be talking about almost anything that came to mind, whispering into each other's ears. Out of curiosity, I wanted to try him, so I sat on top of him, kissing him then down to the nipples, chest...then slurping every bit of him, I did a bj for him, making sure it's well done and wholly-wet (lubricated), I sat upright again, slowly and gracefully slided the 6 inches into me and hold him close. "hmmmm....." I mourned a little. "Why are you so high of? Did you took pills?" He asked in curiosity "Nah, it's more..." I replied "OMG! You are so naughtyx3! How and when did ya..." He was in shocked.
All of a sudden, from a decent looking chap he turned into a wild uncontrollable beast, with a bland expression I was being taken over immediately, he grabbed me firmly, pushing and pulling, in and out steadily yet gentle, I was actually enjoying it, I always thought "no pain no gain" was the way of sex. He was rough as he looked like and like what i imagined he would be, however he turned to be quite the opposite way like a...professional. He was good in leading, changing position, gosh how I loved he did it in army style and doggie style. :) "Could anyone pass me the tissue box please, I'm drooling!"

We spent the night together till the next morning, after he went to the office I continued dreaming, the same dream though, wishing that I will never wake up from the dream...

He bought me lunch just before I left for KL, although the time we met was short we started feeling like we were missing each other. Finally bade farewell...I boarded the coach back to KL.

This feelings and emotions were no strangers to me...being optimistic, I always look at life in the positive angle regardless how bad the scenario...

Sometimes I believe in fate, sometimes I don't, I make my own fate, anyway do you think I would let Titan Tan slip off my hands that easy? (after what we did together?) Guess what, I'm flying to Penang next week... :) "I'm back for more..."

In terms of feelings and experiences, it did felt like deja vu to me, it happened in the olden days when I first came out, in the learning processes and meeting new guys.

~End of Part 4.2~

Youth - The 'Real' Experience Continues (Part 4.2)

2008-08-03T05:36:00.002-07:00

I got a 3-day off from work after Genting Highlands, so I decided to get away from town, I flew to Northern, well not exactly in a plane, on a coach. It was my mind that flew there.
After 5-6 hours of bumping, squashed my button ass, flat. Lucky thing I brought my PSP along or I will be disgusted to death, vomiting sitting among smelly old hags and drooling aunties over their sleeps. I dropped at Chai Leng Park, Butterworth.
Yeah, deja vu? No. In the previous post, I did mention I was in Sunway Prai, yes this is the main story.
So, as soon as I landed, I smsed Reluctant Ray, the one I supposed to meet after 6 months of smses and not even a meet-up or a picture of him, i was a bit worried and nervous. Without knowing what I can get myself into.
Walked across the main road and checked into a hotel, at least the room is a bit bigger than the infamous so-called hotel room in First World - terrible.
I cleaned myself up, after watching the telly, I decided to call Reluctant Ray again since he didn't reply my sms...he is still busy, only could make it the next day after work, that's fine with me, with my PR skills, I have network around without hesitation, I sms one of them, Notorious Nic. Not with his skills :) he's quite low profile here, I guessed. In order to enjoy the night I'd like to have a great sex before going to sleep, to freshen up the next morning :) "You've always text me this late!" He replied. "What? Why? When? It's only 10 past 10, what's so late about it? You have plans?" Never mind. "Ok, since I can't make it tonight, am gonna introduce you to another guy, is that alright?" Right away times 3 I said, send him here now! I was horny, besides the antsy-ness that I was having.
After an hour, an anonymous message came, "Hi, how are you? My name is..." Goddamn it, pick up the phone, I was dialling without finish reading the sms.
A coarse but sexy voice: "Hello? is this Joe?" He greeted. "You bet he is, so wanna come (or cum) tonight?" Rushing my lines. "Uhmm...let me see, let us meet outside first, shall we?" He answered. WTF! Skip the whatever-ice-breaker I want sex playing in my mind. "Let me get back to you, give me a moment, I might come meet you at 2" I plainly replied: "Ookayy..."
Killing the time by watching Rachael Ray and Martha...someone keep knocking my door, woke up from almost-dose-off watching Martha. "Coming..." grab my singlet, put it on, couldn't bother much whether it's the other way I was wearing. Look into the door hole, hmmm could it be him, what's his name again? Shit! Decent looking guy, with spectacles, loose tee with short jeans. "Surprise! What took you so long?" He whispered "Were you afraid or shocked?" He continued. "uhmm..no just... come in." I welcomed him and "uhmm...you are..?" I murmured "Terence, Terence tan..." Hmm to me, Titan Tan more like it, with his well toned and muscular size, looks delicious and tempting to me.
What I did first was not pushing him to the bed straightaway though I'd like it to be, but we were talking, chatting the night away, we told each other about our job, family, gym, stories and stuffs like that which I didn't expect. It ended up we both hugged each other, kissing to sleep.
He was awaken by his alarm from his phone at about 5am. I was too. "Hey, I need to get back home, I have work tomorrow." He informed "Ok...be careful and take care." I replied.
"uhmm, could I see you again? Tomorrow?" He asked politely. "Huh? Why not? Sure, gimme a call." Knowing what my devil will be scheming this time, I won't let him go that easy.
At the door, "You know what? You are very friendly and sincere, and most of all you are cute." He said it before walking to the lift. "Thanks, you take care k, watch the road and see ya tomorrow." Giggling to myself after locking the door.
I guess I've totally forgotten about Reluctant Ray after all. I went to sleep, assumed that I was smiling as I sleep.

I went out for the day to have my own activities, watched X-Files alone, bought some books and mags, one titled "Kite Runner" and the other...could only recall the red stood out sticker on the cover that's stating "If you've like Memoir Of Geisha, you'll definitely like this". Sat in the Starbucks, yeaah cruising and reading and having my cuppa.
Caught a message after I read a few lines from Kite Runner, "Sorry Joe, I don't think I could make it tonight, am having stomach ache..." Must be having a hard day, lacking sleep the night before sure caused him to swallow food without even checking what he's eating, I guessed.
Well, I guessed that left Reluctant Ray, suddenly I remembered he is coming tonight, so let's move to plan B.
I smsed Ray, he said he will be coming after work which is about 12midnight, sure it was a right time for that. Apparently, I dosed off again and by the time I woke up, the clock was ticking at 6am. What! What the hell was Ray doing? I checked my phone, no message or miss call. I smsed him again, then replied that he caught up in the middle of something, about work and will be meeting me later, when I asked, he said 7am. Gosh, I need to be alert for another hour, where's my PSP...
He didn't turn up at 7 or 7:30am, frustrated I called him up, he explained that he needs to get stuffs and DVDs..."I don't think that's necessary, show yourself here right away, you know why I am here, right? I just wanna meet you." And goes all my nagging and releasing..."Ok, I will be there at 9am, and Nasi Lemak for you?" What? "No! My room comes with breakfast." As I hang up. Phew~~I managed to get thru hell to meet this guy.
Finally, I heard my door knocked at 9:15am. "Come in...what took you so long..." I asked reluctantly. "Well, I headed back to get my stuffs and DVDs and.." What? "You meant you came to my room before?" Raising my voice "uhmm...yea but I couldn't decide whether to meet you anot..." Speechless... "Well, I just wanna meet you, that's all, you're having problem?" I answered "Err actually I wonder if you mind if I take 'Ice" before meeting you?" God! This is worst than hell, wonder if you've come across anyone especially gay who needs 'Ice' to stimulate for sex, rather than Viagra or cock ring or just applying extra lube. I wonder he's impotent or something else. "Just wanna make you feel different and it really enhance ya know, longer and get things off my head..." He tried to describe.
Again I was speechless. "Well, I don't mind but that thing of yours could just do immediate damage to your brain ya know, like Ecstasy, but I don't need it, I might not erect taking it." Ok enough of this shit. It ended up that he couldn't get an erection and I was horny and frustrated that I had to fuck him. I feel like I was an idiot, a totally horny insane fucking this highly loaded 'Iced' bottom, found it out eventually that he is bottom, on top of it negative emotions aroused, bad impression, bad habits, bad mood, bad breath argghh, this will be the first and the last. After he received a call from his boss that they needed him, he left without any promise of coming back, I didn't wish for that too. He will definitely curse me if he reads this.
I was in the other hand, relieved. But if it's not for him, I wouldn't met up with Titan Tan, don't you think?
The story doesn't end here pal, come to think of it, I didn't even mention anything from the past lol, tell you what, this was not the first time experience, talking about first, it was dated way back in my youthful days...let me dig deeper and tell you in the next chapter...there is more to come and cum before I come back to KL.
Do you know how to sign "I'll love you till the end..." in Sign Language?
~End of Part 4.1~

Youth - The 'Real' Experience (Part 4.1)

2008-08-03T04:19:00.002-07:00

Did my cardio in the gym, rushing out ordered a fully vegetarian meal, rushed it down my throat and 'ta-daa~~ finally my lappy is ready, full connection'
I am in a live band cafe - Heaven Cafe, it's inside The Curve. The one I have been coming regularly when I was working at the McDonald's Mutiara Damansara Outlet. And the band is singing 'Heaven Knows' by Rick Price? Correct?
Anyway, I have stories to tell, so much that I have no idea where I should start...
Last week I was attending a seminar in Genting Highlands - The City of Boredom (instead of Entertainment) really bored me to death. Despite going to the theme Park trying to cheer or spice myself up, I ended up sitting in the Starbucks for hours browsing Chris Evans and Christian Bale's photos and wallpapers and made fun of my colleague who was preparing her speech for the seminar.
Hmm...other than the boring agenda that we supposed to follow, I did what I seldom do, dressed up and put on my favorite cologne and hit the night club there - Safari Dance Club. Well, it did looked like 'safari', with all the tree branches hanging, artifitial leaves sticking and bamboo sticks neatly lined as 'wall' which I rather think as a cage. There's a stage with poles and 2 giant cage, the only thing missing was the dancers, may be it's a weekday, may be the dancers are on leave but how I wish they have gorgeous male stripers doing their 'thing' up there and I elegantly catwalk the steps up to show the crowd how a dancing queen shake her booties...in my dream.
While I was half way dreamin' something dropped beside me, a lighter, gracefully I picked it up and returned to the guy next to me, he's smiling: "Thank you, would you mind if I buy you a drink..uhm may be for your friends too?" As he was pointing to my 2 other colleagues who were sitting beside me. "Ohh no no, really, I'm fine, you don't have to do that." He replied: "I insist, please.."
Well, alright me and my colleagues just ordered coke. Trying to chat him up, actually trying my luck to get him to buy us more drinks :) and to bed *pinch, you are evil! "Ouch! Bel, what's wrong with that?" Bel's my colleague and my close friend too. She knows my intention, wonder if she could reads mind.
Anyway, the above was a make-up, it was Bel who picked up the lighter and the guy did bought them drinks while I was doing my gay steps and swaying away on the dance floor. :)

Looking back then, compare to what I do today was totally different, you can even say 'bizarre' why? I used to date 3-5 guys a day...
As you know I was obsessed with the MIRC, I just date as many guys as I can to have sex, get laid as much as I could possibly handle, make it a fruitful day :). I don't recall how many overall, could be countless all those years. I'm a total slut, nevertheless I was the fresh meat in the market, and almost everyone wants a piece of me. Tried everything, going to the saunas, massage centers and gay clubs almost every night, wearing singlets, making sure my ass in good button shape, but no make ups not even foundation. I discreet that myself, unless I want to become the next Ms. Ladyboy which is not even the last thing I wanna be.
It was indeed the most 'fruitful' years during my youth, endless parties, thumpa-thumpas, poundings, bangings, don't ask me where did the energy came from...
All these years, I learned, it did nurtured and cultivated me into the person I am today, no doubt I was a sex animal and party animal. However, I tend to avoid getting into a serious relationship. It could be that I was a slut, evil ignorant fag that no one ever wants to get near me, I didn't gave a shit to that.
Somehow, it sure came to me...one day...
~End of Part 4~

Adolescence - New Beginning Continues (Part 3.3)

2008-08-03T03:53:00.002-07:00

I just got back from Butterworth, damn tired. But still I have the urge to write, to continue telling what I did way back there.
Came downstairs and sit in the Oldtown Kopitiam, open and start my lappy to find that I’m facing the same connection error again! Why?! I entered the password they gave me but the pop-up says “checksum validation failed for the pin entered” what does that mean? Well, I gave up asking the waiter again, never mind. I asked the guy beside me whether he could fix it, apparently he just stared at the screen and goes “Sorry, I can’t help you, my network setting was done by someone else and I just came in…” In disappointment, I expressed my gratitude and think of something else.
It did saddened me, however the moment I saw a few hunks came in I was settled, come on it did cheered me up a little, I’m a happy lad now. Am writing this in MS Words and will cut and paste into my new post later when I get the full connection.
Btw, when did this kopitiam evolved into a gay scene hotspot? I can practically smell a few loads of them here, guys winking at each other, definitely a cruising place you wouldn’t like leaving.
Alright, getting back to my history. I have to mention that Tony Toy did become a very special person in my life. He wasn’t mentioned in the early chapters as I did accidentally said it in the last post and I thought I did.
Well, when I started in TSA in Ipoh, he was my junior and he had an elder brother whom I called ARR (All-rounder Rev), he’s my mentor, almost my idol. I learned playing the organ under his guidance, yeah mostly played by ears.

Tony Toy did look up to me, as his leader, his refuge apart from his biological brother. We became very intimate. I was close to his brother as well as we shared the same music together, refining the masterpieces, which chord should we use when we wanted to repeat the chorus, which song to decide when I wanted to lead the congregation into prayers. “When I look into Your Holiness, When I gaze into your loveliness…” came into mind, one of my favorite Christian songs.
In the other hand, Tony Toy was trying to pick up with us, trying hard with his guitar, I admitted that he was a fast learner; he picked up guitar without a lesson taught just barely on books.
The struggles went on, even at the age of 16, I have yet to make up my mind whether to let go, let go the life I am living now. Homosexuality is a sin according to the Bible, man were made for women, what the hell is wrong with man loving man? The straight, old-fashion, gaudy way of living, traditional marriage and match-making is what you called ‘Love’?
Well, that didn’t stop my mum from loving my father even he’s married in the beginning, did they? And he’s still married.
That was why I didn’t leave the way I’m living. It’s a question: “To lead the life you wish or kiss goodbye Christianity?”
I made that decision at the age of 17, I left Christianity, some said I was mislead by the worldly ‘things’, by greed, by enjoyment and unholy stuffs like, freedom?
When I was discharged from the home at 18, the first thing came to my mind was indulge myself fully into the cyber world of MIRC, that came after finding myself a decent job lol. That's a good start I guessed, thank God for the internet...
~End of Part 3.3~

Adolescence - New Beginning? (Part 3.2)

2008-07-23T02:06:00.000-07:00

There's a lot of event took place when I was moving around, wonder if I should break them down into more sub-parts, and believe me when you are trying to look back again like tracing every bits down memory lane, you will feel sick cracking your head. Flashes of memories keep coming back, like rewinding the tape, familiar faces but nameless, or forgotten.

Nevertheless, I am going to finish this.

Recalling the day when I moved down to Penang was the day before my mother flew to the States. And before I did, "Ah Boy, mummy's going to US tomorrow. Will send you to Penang's Salvation Army, ok? Don't worry, ma will call you when I reach there..." That was the last thing she said before flying off. I mean even if she could had told me earlier or even care to ask for my permission whether I will be alright if she needs to be somewhere far for a long time, I was speechless, I don't know what to say to her, couldn't be bothered where things began to emerge problematic to me at the new place. Before she manage to list me the reasons, I already know everything for the best or at least for the better change of living myself and hers.

After the first year there, she had a boyfriend that anxiously wanted to marry her, but it all became a total disappointment almost disaster, US was booming with constructions, buildings, developments and it happened that Uncle Charlie, my mum's bf's company was the leading company that held many major projects in that area, caught in the never-ending projects and plans, highest turnover ever happened in that year that even Uncle Charlie had to work on Christmas hols which was supposedly their wedding.

The pewter frame I've sent, hoping they would place their wedding photo in it, it turned that the effort was in vain. Nevertheless, I told mum that she can put whoever she wants as long as she's happy after that.

Well, sipping my Cappuccino at Starbucks listening to gay anthems, continue writing my past, yeah I admit it took ages to complete my post as well as reading it so, what I wanna do now is, just let it flow or I will write it impromptu, like when I'm now cruising at hunks at Starbucks suddenly remind me of something in the past...

Where were we, ohh yea I was transferred to Penang, The Pearl of the Orient. Guess what, the moment i stepped into my new room, my junior (the one I used to play with, in the previous chapter, let's just label him as Tony Toy) was standing just right in front of me staring out of the window. He turned and smiled, "Welcome home, my lover, btw I was watching you walking to the lobby, as i thought back about our past I suddenly started to feel things coming back to me." I didn't ask why or what, trying to divert the conversation, I was hesitating then, "When did you moved up here? I didn't know you were transferred too."

"Did your brother moved with ...uhmm you..." failed to finish the line, he pushed me towards the wall, hands in my pants, "Yeah, let's do this again, shall we?"

Then and there again, oppss I did it again.

Something came to me before I came to Penang, bugging me, the new beginning, gotta do something about it, a new start, right!

Was telling myself that I have to get rid of this "habit" Stop preying on others and stop being preyed. Could I get thru without it?

it was haunting me like nightmares, even worse, getting up just after the guardian finish checking the rooms, going to the same bed just to be pleased and getting back to bed, it had became a routine to me.

Apparently, this "new beginning" didn't work well did it? Better, I would say :)

In fact, I never stop praying to God after what I did all these years. Even after every heart throbbing sex I savoured, I prayed to God, asking for forgiveness, send me the salvation, the redemption. In the other hand, I became the possibly worst two faced guy I could be during those years. I was very strong in church, in the sense of committing myself to God, be the ministry of God, spreading gospel to the people, community and in the toilets downstairs in the church I would be doing the pounding, banging and yelled "Hallelujah! Praise the Lord!" How's that gonna grant me the salvation?

Still remember we always stayed over in the corps during every weekends, for the sermon prep, worship practises and Sunday School activities prep. So we don't have to travel back and forth from our home to the corps. I used to do that with Tony Toy, 'cos he's one of the musician, playing the acoustic guitar. I was the lead singer and the leader of the worship. Tony toy's brother, All-Rounder Rev (ARR), plays the keyboard.

At times we would sneak into the toilet during bedtime just after ARR went to sleep. God knows all the pounding and banging all that years gave me the inspiration to preach in Sunday School.

There's a book in the Bible - Jonah, I was named after that. Recalling the story about a holy man ran away from God and was swallowed by a big fish sent by God, after 3 days and 3 nights of repentant, he was released and he went back to his people to continue the ministry of God. Wondered I will be swallowed too, many came to convince me, advice, even had stand thru a 3 hour of counselling. It never work on me.

Guess what, may be He should be sending some cute face with broad chest pastor to get me back on track rather than wasting my time sitting in front of old, arrogant and ignorant seniors with their pestering lectures.

Time really flies, before I could recall the events in the home, I made connections in the school too, we proudly called it "Ong Family" same and lame as my surname it could be just like I inherited it from my selfish father.

It actually represents our "sistahood" during high school. I managed to blend in in the new school, and even joined a family! We have 10 uhmm wait... 11 of us?

I am the second, proven by our birthday. The first is working in KL like me, in some big company, have our own life. The rest, scattered, 2 in Singapore, 3 still in Penang, 1 lost after all these years we have not been keeping in touch, apparently this lost one didn't make it up to us and a few other. Well, the ones I mentioned were the closest to one another, we will hold a CNY gathering back in our hometown, my 2nd hometown, Penang. We would party all night, watch movies, go to karaoke, and not forgetting sipping our ice blended while cruising at hot studs in Gurney Plaza.
Well, that was the happy times we had...

Come back to reality, am now having my lunch in one of the Svenz Kopitiam in Sunway, Butterworth with a hot guy beside me...wonder if he could be the one...

Adolescence - The Forbidden Love (Part 3.1)

2008-07-21T01:37:00.002-07:00

One day in school during recess, a pat on my shoulder, "Are you gay? Coz I am too ya know, come hang out som...". I was asked by one of my junior. "Uh..err...No! I'm not! What are you? Freak? Get away please." Among other friends and classmates, I could not afford to admit it at that moment. I was freaking scared, there was blank in my mind, food tasted blanch and tongue numb. Eyes were rolling, could not focus or concentrate.
A guy who was sitting beside me, stood up "Hey! Doncha understand? Back off or I will..." one of my best friend, Khai defended for me. "We gonna be late for class if you continue to freeze like that pal." Without hesitation, gulped whatever in front of me down my throat. "Ah..hem...alright...let's go back..." inhale rapidly "Hey...Khai, thanks buddy".
"You...alrigh..." quickly responded "Yeah! am fine, of cos i am, would you ever think I am, gay?!"
Khai's arm on my shoulder, "Yea, I will let you eat my fist of rage if you were..ahhhaaha"

Khai's one of my best buddy in the class, in fact my favorite pal, we did things together, played basketball, volleyball, handball, I was second after him in 100 metres run, we even team in 4x100 metres. He was tall, tan and toned kinda sunshine guy in the school. Girls were crazy about him, cheering for him during sports day. I was a bit jealous about that.
He was the only guy that I shared everything else but not the werewolf living inside me. He made me feel I was normal among them, in school, with classmates. It sounded a bit like my bodyguard or tai lou (big brother) to others but we were really like brothers. I never had a brother before until I met him, he made me felt I was part of the family.
"I mustn't let him know who's the real ME, in that way I will continue to be his best buddy, most importantly, his 'love'..." whisperer in my mind...
I was selfish even I pretended as a straight guy in school, when it comes to sharing him. I will always be in the same team with him whenever we have class projects, sports or events.
I remembered, we became prefects together in Form 2.

I never get in the volleyball team, he was representing the school in the national competition, with other seniors and one of them, his own brother. No wonder I hated the coach so much.
Always stop by the hostel to watch them practise after school. The court was in front of the male hostel.
He and other buddies collected money and bought me a volleyball, couldn't recall the brand, something like 'Spal----' branded and good quality. My first ever birthday party, in his house, dishes cooked and prepared by his mom...tears were rolling down, was a real moment where I almost wanted to commit to him. But, I did not. Something was holding me back, dilemma was arise and questions in my head. I put them aside and for everybody sake, I didn't ruin the party.
Sometimes, he was over-protected about me, may be he knew I was the only child in my family and am staying alone with no relatives or parents around. Consequently, I thought we were in love or even couple / partners, having our youthful time, boyish and innocent play. I would never forget that in my whole life, we never have our first kiss though LOL. He would kill me off the scene already.

I so wish that I complete secondary school with him, unfortunately I needed to transfer to Penang when I turned 15 years old. Heart broken though, he was sad too. We couldn't help it. My mum has to go to the US and I had no choice but to move down to be closer to my hometown, Alor Setar.
We are still friends until now, though not much communication going on but in our hearts we know we cherish one another right, Khai?
"I love you Khai, and will always do."
Guess that's the furthest we can go, relationship that I can only dream of and the forbidden love.

Pride or Prejudice? (Part 2)

2008-07-18T03:08:00.000-07:00

...I couldn't bear the mind that my mum was leaving me alone in this world of strangers, 50 pairs of eyes staring at me. I cried myself to sleep for nights, I stood still in the shower for hours, thinking what did I do wrong and end up in this place.
I did not ask my mum for the answer, but I found out it will be more mature for me to find the answer myself, how? At the age of 10? It's ridiculous. Life had to move on, things had to be done.
I found things that made me sober...the bond with my mum, the cheerfulness in the eyes of the other children, the guidance of the guardians, the comfort of having everyone beside to warm you up and etc, from all the things above...I found my answer why was I here. Many things came in to form the answer: my education, upbringing, learn to be independent, manners, religion, social life and so on, that includes how I become "People Like You", it's deep, it was like going through a full time course, a whole package that makes you a PhD or what-sorta-thing. It's not like you pick up a trick or two from the street. It needs time to nurture to become the person you are.
So, I began to realize I need to lead this life, I built networks, make many new friends on the way...
I picked things up pretty fast, at the age of 12 I was...alright, I go back a little just 2 years before, I admit I got harassed by seniors, I was keen to know how they do it there, are they the same as my cousins, do they need it, I wanted to know practically everything about it. I was as much curious as every virgin or newbie or whatever you called it even after I have some pre-experiences at my home.
I didn't really had my first full male-to-male sex at the age of 10 exactly, but we will come to that in a bit. Just read about what happened to me when I was sent to this home - The Salvation Army Boy's Home, Tambun, Ipoh.
The reason I never mention what happened to my family is I don't want to repeat it here, or I should say it has nothing worth for me to talk about, not because it has nothing to do with what I am today, but I want people to read about me and me alone. I gave enough information about my family, it was plain but it is enough.
OK, I was one of the outstanding boys in the home, very proud to say that, I also performed well in my grades in school, teachers, guardians and everyone like me. I was strongly involving myself in Christianity. Learning the bible, giving testimonies every week in the chapel or church. Took up organ by ear. Teaching dance or performances for special event and celebrations. Leading worships and translating sermons from English to Cantonese or the other.
Those are just things and stuffs I do in daylight, it's obvious. What happened at nights, were totally the opposite.
I couldn't recall, but...I woke up almost every after midnight to satisfy the hungry wolves. Sounds creepy and scary, it's true. We know when the guardian finish checking the rooms and we know where to go to be safe.
Sometimes, they wake me up instead, they are too hungry LOL.
I didn't know how or when, but it just came to me naturally like it found me or it's in me, it just caught me. My seniors know what I am capable of doing and who I am able to become.
And when they do, they won't go for another person, may be that's the only entertainment they have in the home. FYI, we are not allowed to go out, unless it is meant for our outings.
Nothing really special for me to remember at 11, basically I just strive hard for my grades in school. Except i was trying to runaway with some other kids to some town to steal some pamelos. LOL. And got stripes of canes on my buttocks.
I became the head when I was 12, I make breakfast for 50, the last one to go to bed making sure everyone is asleep before me, lead prayers during meal time, lead singing in choirs or they called it caroling (Christmas). Was really a little holy young man but with huge devil at heart that time.
At night I will crawl to my favorite senior's bed and sleep with him or at least ease my and his urge for sex. I was like a hungry ghost or werewolf looking and searching for its prey at nights. From bed to bed, prey to prey...
Not long that I became one of them, their prey, all were coming back to me, the one they look for. Surprisingly, until today if I ever meet them, they dare not look straight into my eyes or at least they just blink and go away. Some of them even got married with kids, OMFG! What have I done!? ya know, like...why I ever did that to him!? But I got over it, they didn't know if they were getting married a few years down the road when they were having great sex with me, were they? I won't go into details as in what, how, where, when I had sex with these guys. May be... just mention the ones that were my favorites. LOL.
There's these 2 guys...brothers. Good looking, though the elder looked thin and tall like I called him - Pak Fan Chai (drug-addict), the younger - Ma Lat Lou (guy who looks very messy, dirty or no fashion sense?) correct me if I am wrong. But, actually he was very good looking, he has tough torso, did sit-ups and push-ups everyday after school, he has wide, meaty and big chest that I can't resist every time I was with him. I will pinch his nipples, cuddle with him, and he will fight back, kick me off the bed and got pissed off by teasing him. The elder is cute but I was not so fond of him then, we just did twice, that's it. However, countless with his brother.
Yeah...I can imagine what you readers are thinking now...blehh.
...we did it all, oral, anal, kissing and all the time - bareback when it comes to anal. Where could you possibly find a rubber in a hostel? Buy? Where will the money come from then? We were underage, my dear. We just washed it off, use soaps, saliva as lubes. But, I only did it with this guy, others were just oral and jerking off for them.
Ok, enough of that, I can barely get hold of myself now, even when I am writing this. However, what was past, I'll let it be either it's a happy memory or a bad memory, it will be there forever in my mind.
I have no intention to change myself, continue what I was doing, holy man in the morning, werewolf at night. I was living with 2 personalities / 2 face almost half of my life.
By the age of 13, I was enrolled as a Corps Cadet. TSA (The Salvation Army), may sounds like military but, it is not, it's just a Christian organization using army ranks as hierarchy, usually the one in-charge of the home would be Captain, Major or Envoy. Corps Cadet is the first stage. After 1 year, I was promoted to Senior Soldier, the preliminary stage before becoming a Lieutenant, of cos I need study and complete courses in the Biblical College in Singapore, the HQ. Then you can call me a pastor or Lieutenant after that. I was close / almost got recruited into that college. Many voted for me, just imagine...at the age of 13...i have a group of youth under my leadership, a Bible Class with seniors and leaders, Sunday School (teach, develop and nurture), a congregation to lead, musician in the Corps (a small chapel / tent for worship in military) which you would call it church and so on.
The responsibility and the split personalities I have, it was worse than hell, I used to have a quickie before going to my afternoon Cantonese sermon in the old folks home. You see? What a life!
Yes...I was and am a sinful man, running away like that, sure I won't live for long. However, for you Christian who are reading this don't condemn me or judge me where your own judgment is in the hands of God. This is between me and the God. Do not ever mess things up here, this is where I tell people the truth of my life, myself, I appreciate it.
It was, indeed the pride of my life to have a life like that to start with, not because Christianity made what I am today but consider myself to be so blessed, that I never became the person I shouldn't become, like drug-addict? Murderer? Rapist? Or worse, Terrorist.
...thanks mum.
~End of Part 2~

The Past (Part 1)

2008-07-18T03:07:00.002-07:00

I'm not sure is it going to be long, but i'm sure it will take me long enough to put 'em into words.
I wouldn't say when did i realised I'm one of them but rather, i would like you to read about how I naturally became one of them. Ought to introduce myself, I came from a medium family and I'm the only child, yes no siblings ..uhm except step siblings from the first wife. Which means my mother was the second. I have 3 uncles, 1 aunty, they are all my mother's side. I do not have the chance to meet my father's side as my mum and I left him at early age.
I was born in a medium fast developing city of Kedah, Alor Setar. Where I lived with my mother and sometimes at my grandmother's for school holidays. I seldom see my father as he was a busy man and I only get to see him during his days off in the weekend or late nights when he came back...drunk. Sad and hatred, argues and rage...I would not like to mention them.
At the age of 5, my mother left him and took me with her. Along the way we lived in our relatives' house which I can tell literally they weren't so inviting or welcoming. I was forced to live with my grandmother at the end where there's no choice and that my mother has to earn a living. I couldn't recall how old was I that time nor could I remember how many times we shifted from house to house.
When i was living with my grandmother, I was very close with my cousins, one as my elder brother - Siang (about 10 years older than me) and the other younger brother - Chong (2 years younger than me). I looked at my elder brother as a devil in his shadow and the younger as an innocent child. No doubt we were close, it was just the way I was treated differently from both of them.
One night when I was sleeping in my room, Siang came back (drunk, I guessed, because I could smell alchohol) and came into my room. I woke but knowing that he came in I kept silence so he doesn't know that I was awake. I tried to get back to sleep but I couldn't, he was taking off his shirt and trousers. Lying beside me, he starting to touch me but I didn't move. I felt soothed and fell asleep. What woke me up next was, he was pressing and sitting on me doing his 'thing' and i realised my pants were off! I tried to push him away and wanting to shout or even scream, he warned me and pressing forward so i became weak. However, we did not have oral or anal sex, it was just a casual sex to fulfill his 'need' at that point of time. He just jerked off in front of me.
He did that to me probably twice or 3 times a month and always place a few bucks on the table to keep my mouth shut. He wouldn't want my grandmother to chase him away. I was about 9 years old, who knows who will believe a 9 year old kid telling lies about his cousin sodomising his little brother.
When i starting to learn that, I did the same to my younger brother - Chong, which I think he enjoys it when we 'play' together, as he never resist everytime I toy him around. I never get more curious than him as I was more experience than him. When he did, I just tell him that it is 'normal'.
Well...that's the story with my cousins.
I was sent away not because my mother or grandmother found out but my mother is trying to earn a living and nobody takes care of me. I was told that I would make a lot of friends here, The Salvation Army - a non-profit Christian Organisation that raise children without parents or single parent.
I was so lost...so lonely...strangers...confused and many unexpected emotions aroused within...
~End of Part 1~

The author speaks for himself

2008-07-18T02:30:00.002-07:00

uh-hem *clearing throat* First of all i would like to thank all my friends, my mother, my colleagues and most of all THANK GOD FOR THE INTERNET!!! Finally I've came up with my own blog, well it's not for myself but for everyone out there who has been anxiously waiting, eagerly wanting to anticipate. Well, here you are, you can drop, spit, spill, splash, thrash or whatever you like here. Just a kind reminder, please do not use vulgar words, mock, criticise, condemn and whatever to put each other faces down, you don't want to see that or face it yourself i believe. This blog is just for you and me to release some thoughts that you think can help others, words of advice, encouragements, experiences, fantasies, point of views and so on whichever is constructive to us. I guess it is quite clear now and if you have any suggestion or comment, please send it to me as I'm still a new blogger to my email address: joocy@hotmail.com or meetjoefair@gmail.com please state who you are and tittle of the content should contain "its_our_pride" so I may be able to detect it as not a junk email. Once again i would like to thank my friends' effort in persuading me in writing a blog and all the supports given.